There’s nothing quite like realizing that someone we thought was a good friend actually doesn’t have our best interests at heart.
It’s even worse when we make that discovery during a pivotal moment in our lives, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Equivalent-Bell-1321 wanted to reconnect with one of her childhood friends and thought a wonderful opportunity to do that was by inviting her to be one of her bridesmaids.
But when that childhood friend kept making degrading comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) realized her old friend wasn’t a good fit for her wedding party.
She asked the sub:
“Am I the a**hole for unfriending and kicking one of my bridesmaids out of my bridal party because she kept body-shaming me and making me uncomfortable?”
The OP tried to reconnect with a childhood friend while putting together her wedding party.
“I (26 Female) am getting married this spring in May, and throughout the process of getting engaged, one of my bridesmaids, Sarah, has been making a lot of comments about my body.”
“For reference, my body type is pretty average. I’m five-feet-six-inches, and 125 pounds.”
“We were pretty close in high school, drifted apart a bit, but still went out for coffee sometimes. I thought she’d be nice to have as a bridesmaid since we’ve known each other for so long, and she was one of my close friends for so long, but I was wrong.”
Sarah’s comments continued to escalate throughout the wedding planning.
“Before I got engaged, she would make comments, but it was significantly less than the amount of comments since I’ve gotten engaged.”
“The first one that really made me uncomfortable was when she said, ‘How do you feel comfortable going outside looking how you do and wearing that with a body like… that’ with a bit of a disgusted face during my bachelorette.”
“I told her that comments like that made me uncomfortable, and she said she’d stop, but didn’t.”
The worst comment Sarah made came at the OP’s bridal dress fitting.
“At my dress fitting, she said that one of the dresses that I tried on during my wedding dress fitting made me look repugnant. I went home after that and sobbed.”
“When all of this first started, I would usually let it slide, but I decided that I didn’t really want her at my wedding after my dress fitting. I know it would put a damper on my wedding if she said something like that to me on my actual wedding day.”
The OP was shamed by her friends for disinviting Sarah.
“I thought it would be fine to tell her over text nicely, but now, I’m getting tons of messages from mutual friends asking me how I could unfriend her and uninvite her from my wedding after all the support she’s given me and after all the time we’ve been friends.”
“Our mutual friends aren’t in my bridal party, though, and weren’t there when she said any of those things.”
“We never really hang out as one big group, so I don’t know how she is with them, but I’m guessing a lot different, based on how they reacted when they found out I didn’t want her as a friend or bridesmaid anymore.”
“Now I’m feeling conflicted. Was I wrong to remove her?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that a real friend would never talk to her that way.
“NTA. Anybody who talks to you like that is NOT your friend. Maybe they’ve done nice things for you in the past. Maybe they are a good friend to other people.”
“But if they speak to you like that and often and during important occasions, they are not your friend.” – Maleficent-Yam4650
“Now that you’ve realized that you’re not friends anymore, it would be inappropriate to have her in your wedding party. People change, and friendships can run their course.”
“So now you have a non-friend in your wedding party that insults you and makes you feel awful. Anyone who gives you crap for removing her should be reevaluated, too.” – ProjectJourneyman
“This person is NOT your friend. NTA. What the actual f**k… This is disgusting behavior. You’re also a completely normal size for your height, not that that should matter.”
“Oh my god, why is this person in your life? Don’t just kick her out as a bridesmaid, kick her out of your life.” – Select-Government680
“NTA. The only repugnant one is your ex-friend. A real friend would never make those kinds of comments.”
“If your other mutual friends don’t understand, they can join her on the uninvited list. You don’t need people/energy like that on your wedding day.” – snchills
“NTA, but poor OP, I hate that you had to learn the hard way that this isn’t your friend anymore.”
“How could you have thought of her as a friend if she made unflattering comments to you before you got engaged? I’m guessing that you said nothing at those times. If that’s true, you have been in denial, or you need to behave less passively.”
“This should be a joyous time in your life. Don’t let this jealous woman steal your happiness. There is nothing you can do to change her, so don’t try.” – Worldly_Sink_6286
“A mean ‘friend’ like this is not worthy of being a bridesmaid. Save yourself heartache and remove abusers and bullies from your life.” – Practical_Respond_45
“You don’t need a ‘friend’ like that. Cut her off and live a happier life. It’s one thing to tell someone that a dress isn’t flattering in some way; it’s quite another to say someone looks repugnant.” – SignificantJump10
“If that is what you call a friend, I’d hate to see what you’d call an enemy! That person has no respect for you. Have enough respect for yourself not to put up with someone treating you that way! NTA.” – miss_chapstick
“NTA. I was also 26 when I got married, and one bridesmaid was very similar, saying that my back was too muscular, I would have the better food at her wedding, etc., just very negative comments that would make me cry all the time.”
“She dropped out herself for different reasons, but the point is, once she did, I felt like this huge relief and began finally enjoying the wedding process.”
“We still don’t talk to this day, but honestly? I really don’t care. I didn’t need that negativity in my life, and YOU don’t need it in yours. Drop her.” – extremelyfirmtofu
Others urged the OP to send screenshots of what her ex-friend said to her to their friend group to set the record straight.
“NTA. Take screenshots, and send those screenshots to your mutual friends.”
“Then tell them in no uncertain terms that her ‘support’ isn’t actually supportive and that she makes you feel bad about yourself. Your wedding is the one day you should feel beautiful, and if she is going to ruin that, screw her and the people who think she would be involved.”
“This is a huge milestone in your life; good on you for not letting someone ruin it.” – Full_Garbage_4414
“She’s body shaming. I can tell the tone of what you quoted from her, but there was a lot communicated by the way she looked at you, along with what she said.”
“NTA, and for the mutuals talking s**t, just tell them why, something like, ‘She kept putting me down in a way that gets in my head, and I can’t and don’t want to handle that on a day where I’m supposed to feel celebrated by loved ones.'” – 286Hog
“NTA. Were those friends not there when she said all that s**t? Does she not treat your mutuals the same way? I’d say if you haven’t already, be explicit about why you’d prefer not to have this person attend the ceremony.”
“If there’s still pushback, then put your foot down. It’s your wedding, and you deserve to be surrounded by people who are supportive and loving on your big day.”
“NTA, and also, congrats on the wedding.” – BOUND_ED
“Let your ‘friends’ know some of the things she has said. If they still take her side, uninvite them. Your wedding day, you should be surrounded by people who are happy for you.” – Decent-Bear334
“Tell them what she said, the word ‘repugnant.’ If they tell you, ‘That’s just Sarah,’ blow them all off, at least until after you’re married. A bridesmaid’s role is to support you, and she’s doing the opposite.” – ameinias
“Tell them EXACTLY what she said, including the specific words, how that made you cry, and point out she has been doing this for years but has gotten really bad during your wedding season.”
“Ten bucks says she is telling her own version of events. (NTA and with friends like this, who needs enemies?)” – KimB-booksncats-11
“NTA. She is definitely not your friend, and if she was making comments like that before your engagement, I’m astounded that you asked her to be a bridesmaid in the first place.”
“I have my fingers crossed for you that she told a story for your friend group and that once they hear your side of the story, they’ll change their tune. Otherwise, tighten that guest list, and focus on the people who genuinely love you and want you to have the most amazing life.”
“Life’s too short to have such a poisonous person in your life. Now that you’ve dumped her as a bridesmaid, dump her completely.” – Lilylake_55
“Cut that toxic crap of a person out of your life. It’s your wedding day/time. Do you really want to put up with that during one of the happiest moments of your life?”
“Furthermore, she was never your friend imho. That sustained undermining over time is nothing but maliciousness. You owe it to yourself not to deal with people like that.”
“I struggled making friends my whole life, and it wasn’t until I started cutting people who treated me like sh*t out of my life that I met good friends who are a constant part of my life. She is literally preventing you from finding friends that you deserve by ruining your perception of yourself through her toxic, untrue words.”
“Cut her out of the wedding, block her and anyone who defends her, and enjoy your special day and the rest of your life with your significant other.”
“More importantly, congrats on the wedding, and I wish you both nothing but the best!”
“NTA obviously. F**k her, and if those friends stand by her, f**k them, too! They’re never the bride and not even the bridesmaid!” – puddl3
While the subReddit understood trying to reconnect with an old friend, there was no reason to hold on to a friendship where the person was clearly just trying to tear the other one down.
Instead of being happy for the OP during one of the OP’s happiest seasons in her life, Sarah chose this time to hurt her and embed doubt about walking down that aisle every chance she got.
The subReddit held out hope that the rest of the OP’s friend group was better, and once they heard her side of the story, they’d be more relieved that she let Sarah go than disgruntled that she’d cut her as a bridesmaid.
But if they remained on Sarah’s side, the OP would be able to confidently move on and say that, with this marriage, she was entering a time in her life with only people in her corner, not tearing her down, and keeping her in it.