In this day and age, times are tough.
Money and housing are major issues for far too many people.
That’s why it’s always nice to see family helping family.
Sometimes, though, people tend to bite that helping hand.
And those bites can have consequences.
Redditor Past_Ad9410 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA today I told my sister to get out of my house?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My sister has been living with us for the past 4 years— on and off paying some money towards bills.”
“When she can’t afford to pay, I ask that she helps around the house.”
“I’ve paid her phone bill for the past two years.”
“I am also the only one putting money towards groceries.”
“For the past several months she hasn’t paid anything towards the bills (claiming she’s worrying about herself, not that she can’t afford it) but now she refuses to help out around the house when I ask for small tasks.”
“Like when you’re home can you let my dogs out once or twice when I’m not and can you take the trash out when you see it’s full— nothing too crazy.”
“Today I went to check on my dogs via my pet camera and overheard her calling me a whole bunch of hateful names on the phone with someone.”
“It really hurt my feelings because since she was 18 I have been the only family member willing to help her out—our mother didn’t want her after she turned 18.”
“I lost my temper and told her I’ve tried so hard to make sure she has a roof above her head, even giving her one of our cars so she had a vehicle— to which she responded you’ve never taken care of me I’ve been the only one taking care of myself.”
“In the heat of things, I told her fine, then pack your stuff and get out of my home since I don’t do anything for you then you can figure out life without me.”
“Now I feel like I might be the a**hole.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Your sister is 22 years old, and she needs to grow up sometime.”
“She’s been freeloading off you for four years.”
“She can’t live her life like a perpetual teenager forever.”
“It’s time for her to put whatever life skills she has to the test, or she should learn some quickly, especially if she thinks to disparage someone who has provided for her for four years.”
“Actions have consequences.” ~ Peony-Pony
“OP, get yourself a box of extra large garbage bags and place all of her belongings inside them, and leave them next to the garage!”
“Be sure to get your house keys and car keys, and then tell her that she is free to leave and not come back!”
“You are being TA to yourself if you don’t do this!” ~ wonkiefaeriekitty5
“NTA. A lot of people are suggesting you kick her out, which I agree with.”
“Just make sure to check on your local laws, in some places if a person has been living someplace for long enough, whether or not they have a lease or are paying, they have tenant rights.”
“And she sounds like the kind of person that would be happy to turn around and sue you if you kick her out without making sure everything is being done according to the laws in your area.” ~ Wraithowl
“Time for her to go right now.”
“She needs to learn, and she will not while she is freeloading and using you.”
“Stick to your words, don’t back down, and let her win this battle, as it will only get worse for you.”
“Change the locks. NTA.” ~ happycamper44m
“NTA – Yet if you feel bad about how it happened, then maybe it’s time for a sit-down.”
“A heart-to-heart about how you are frustrated with her lack of action and assistance, that maybe you were harsh in the conversation, but it’s time for her to stand on her own two feet before it ruins your relationship.”
“Point out she moved in at 18 – she’s had four years of not making progress, etc. “
“What did she think would happen?”
“Stay with you indefinitely?”
“Give her a deadline to move out, take over her own phone bill, etc.”
“She should have made a plan a long time ago; she didn’t. Nobody told her to, but now it’s time, so she has to start now.”
“You pick the time frame; maybe it’s a job/more hours in the next 30 days, a move out by 90 days, taking over her phone bill in xx amount of time, car insurance, etc.”
“Did you lend or give her the car?”
“If lent, decide on a time frame for return; if truly given, make sure to transfer title to avoid any responsibilities for her actions.”
“The bottom line is it’s just time for her to move on.”
“At her age, others are graduating college or trade schools or have been working F[ull] T[ime] figuring out what they want.” ~ CornerSevere
“It would be the most humane option actually, and with the best chances of success.”
“I also don’t agree with the Reddit people that are really harsh about her and see her kicked out.”
“Sure OP can kick sister out.”
“Most probably it will end badly with her.”
“I do not think he wants that.”
“So yes, he has to invest a bit in ‘fathering’ her to grow up a bit.”
“Honestly, an 18-year-old that gets thrown out by her mom at 18 will not have been taught life skills in a loving way.”
OP, you are not responsible for your sister.”
“But after 4 years the best option would be setting a deadline for a plan for her to get on her feet.
So. NTA. NTA at all.” ~ Spanks79
“For someone like the sister, as OP describes her, all setting a timeline is going to result in is the sister hearing ‘ok I have 90 days to figure out how to worm my way back into OP’s good graces so I can continue to freeload’ or ‘I have 90 more days of freeloading before I have to start paying for myself.'”
“‘That’s 90 more days to set aside all the money I can.'”
“Because let’s be honest here, the sister isn’t a kid, she’s not even 18 – she’s a grown-a** adult who has only ever had a ‘me, me, me’ mentality and no sit-down discussion or timeline is going to fix that.”
“It’s not up to OP to invest in any amount of fathering or ensure she’s ready to face the world as an adult.”
“OP has already done so much more than anyone could ever expect from a sibling, and the sister shat all over OP as a thank you.” ~ andyruehoo
“The fact that she doesn’t seem to see your kindness and help towards her means she’s talking to you for granted secondly she’s not making any progress and is completely dependent on you.”
“It’s better for you to kick her out. LEGIT NTA.” ~ random8104
“NTA. I would strongly suggest giving a legal notice.”
“Depending on the state and any contracts you may have.” ~ power125
“NTA but PLEASE stop being a doormat for your entitled sister.”
“Kick her out and don’t look back, however, in a week or so she’ll message you BEGGING to come back and a bunch of BS about how she’ll change.”
“Don’t believe a word of it.” ~ HUNGWHITEBOI25
“NTA – if you don’t make her grow up and take responsibility for herself… she never will.”
“She is living with you for free – eating food for free – driving a car for free… and yet she’s acting to friends as if you do nothing for her?”
“She’s 22 now?”
“And demanding you take care of and support her?”
“Oh no, you need to cut the cord now for your own good – and for hers.” ~ omeomi24
“NTA, but I would strongly suggest giving legal notice.”
“Depends on the state and any agreements you may have, but usually will be 30 days written notice.”
“If you don’t do this, she has grounds to sue you over an illegal eviction.”
“You can stop paying her bills immediately, though.” ~ dabombnl
“OP – she isn’t someone who is able to see/accept this reality.”
“Conversation won’t do it.”
“You’ve been unintentionally enabling her by rescuing her from the consequences of her own choices.”
“She is an adult without any disclosed obstacles preventing her from maintaining adult responsibilities and employing tough love.”
“She needs to learn.” ~ Responsible-Exit-901
“OP she’s 22 years old, please stop enabling her.”
“She won’t learn to be independent because she has you doing everything for her.”
“Unfortunately, I did the same with one of my younger siblings, and learned that they need to get out of my house and me not paying everything for them in order to grow and take their responsibilities seriously ie working and being an independent successful adults.” ~ Both_Pound6814
“NTA. This has gone on way too long and her entitlement is showing in nasty ways.”
“You should give her the legal notice period and then go through with kicking her out.”
“In the future, I hope that you work on not letting people – even family – take advantage of you.”
“Maybe if you required more out of her, she wouldn’t have leeched off of you for 4 years.” ~ friendly
“NTA. It sounds like she has at least a little of her own money?”
“She may have been saving up to move out, or she may be spending it on crap.”
“Either way she needs to grow up.”
“Her attitude is unacceptable even for a roommate paying her fair share.”
“If she doesn’t leave immediately, you may need to go through the proper eviction process.”
“She’s lived there 4 years, so it is her home regardless of whether she pays rent.” ~ 1962Michael
“NTA. This is exactly what she wanted.”
“She’s still telling people how much of a victim she is, while she’s on your dime.”
“The equivalent of giving you the middle finger.” ~ Alfred-Register7379
“NTA. Time for Sis to grow up and really start looking out for herself.”
“Clearly she is taking you for granted, and it’s now time for you to prioritize yourself and your own mental health.”
“She has shown you what she really thinks of you. Now it’s time to show her the door.” ~ Severe_Adhesiveness2
“NTA. You did the right thing.”
“She needs to see reality and truly recognize what you do for her.” ~ Busy-Management-5204
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. This is a sad situation.
You don’t deserve to be treated in such a manner.
It’s time for your sister to learn some real-life lessons.
Take care of yourself and your home.
Safety precautions may be necessary.