Relationships end for all kinds of reasons.
And more than likely, all members of that relationship will then move on with new lives.
An ex-husband wrote into the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit when his ex-wife didn’t adjust well to the latest development in his new life.
Redditor bannanaghostie explained that his ex-wife did not receive the news well that he was starting a family.
The Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was wrong for being open about his wife, considering her feelings.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for potentially bragging about my newborns when my ex-wife recently lost her baby?”
The OP’s ex-wife recently announced she was pregnant.
“I ([Male] 30) was married for about six years before finalizing a divorce with my ex ([Female] 32) a few years back. We share a son together who is four years old. When we split we agreed that I would have him during the school year and she would get him in the summer.”
“Earlier last year she announced she was pregnant and our son was thrilled. Meanwhile me and my fiancé ([Male] 28) have been looking to find a surrogate to also add to our family.”
The ex-wife made a tough decision.
“As my ex wife progressed through her pregnancy, she claimed that dealing with our son and her new baby would be too much for her. She wanted to sign away her rights to our son.”
“I did not think it was the best thing to do because our son was old enough to be attached to his mother but she insisted. So I legally have all rights to my son.”
“My fiancé is planning on trying to adopt him once we get married.”
The OP and his new husband then had good news of their own.
“Luckily for us a friend reached out and offered to carry a child for me and my future husband.”
“We agreed and we got the news a few months later that she was pregnant. Our pregnancy was about three months behind my ex wife’s.”
“I do let her parents see my son frequently because they had no say in her signing away her rights.”
“Of course my son is excited to have a sibling from our side, so his grandparents told his [mother].”
But the ex-wife didn’t receive it well.
“Since then it’s been a bit h**l. My ex wife has non-stop harassed us about copying her. She accused us of having a baby out of spite.”
“I’ve tried to not let it get to me, I’ve always wanted a big family and I thought when I got divorced I lost my chance.”
And then the ex-wife received bad news.
“Unfortunately my ex wife gave birth to a stillborn. I gave my condolences because the lost of a child can be so upsetting. My sister reached out to her as well because they had been close while we were married.”
“My daughter was born a few months after this happened and we made one announcement on social media about it.”
“My fiancé and I are pretty quiet people and we don’t like attention. We just wanted to let friends and family know that we had a healthy baby girl.”
The ex-wife and her family have not been supportive.
“My ex wife, her parents, her boyfriend, and her extended side of the family have not stopped harassing my family about bragging about our child when my ex wife was clearly in pain over losing hers.”
“I’ll be honest, my ex wife’s feelings were not considered when we announced the arrival. I was just overjoyed to have a new addition.”
“So, I’m here to ask your opinion, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out it was okay for the OP to celebrate his happiness.
“NTA. Everything else aside… when you have a loss, it can shake you, knock you breathless, stop you in your tracks… but the rest of the world goes on.”
“Pregnancies will be announced, births will happen, first steps will be taken. Deactivating Facebook is a great idea, at least until you feel ready to see other people’s joy.”
“If we all had to set aside our joy until nobody in our orbit was suffering, there would be no time for happiness.”
“Of course you can share your good news! You can have profound empathy for those experiencing the devastation of child loss and still experience (and share) elation at the wonderful thing that’s happened for you.”
“Also she just gave away her kid the second a new one was on the horizon wtf” – Jazmadoodle
“NTA NTA NTA. I cant Say it enough.”
“Your ex SIGNED AWAY HER RIGHTS TO HER CHILD, and now harasses you for getting on with your life? There is something very wrong there.”
“Whilst her still birth was tragic, it was not your fault ( or anyone else’s for that matter). You cannot be expected to walk on eggshells for the rest of your life just in case ‘she gets upset’.”
“Bragging, would be if you sent her a ton of pictures. You didn’t. You posted on YOUR OWN social media, about a joyous occasion.”
“She is just bitter that your life is going smoothly, and hers isn’t. Block her, Block her boyfriend.”
“If you are wanting to stay in touch with the parents for the benefit of you eldest, I would communicate with them that any discussion about anything other than their grandchild will be ignored or shut down.”
“Enjoy your son and newborn Daughter, and cut those toxic people out of your life, they dont even deserve head space.” – IronSnolan
Others agreed and suggested blocking the ex-wife and her family on social media.
“NTA – it’s not like you called her up and rubbed it in her face.”
“Honestly, I suggest you just block them on social media for now until hopefully cool heads prevail. They are going through something horrible and that doesn’t excuse their behavior but hopefully with time they’ll be more rational” – luminouscherry
“NTA. Your ex signed away her rights and honestly I would probably cut ties with the whole family. Especially if the grandparents are now involved in the harassment. You haven’t done anything wrong except live your life and owe no one any explanations.” – itsme_shay
Some also had things to say about the ex-wife.
“NTA. While it is heartbreaking that your ex lost her baby, that does not stop the world from continuing on.”
“You and your family/friends are allowed to feel joy at your new edition. Birth announcements are common. You didn’t go out of your way to announce it only to your ex.”
“The fact that she wanted to sign away her rights to your child as well as flipped out that you were ‘copying’ her by expecting a long planned child (a surrogate pregnancy doesn’t happen overnight!) speaks to some significant issues that she needs professional help for.”
“Continue to have compassion for her loss, but also be prepared. Her loss coupled with her jealousy may trigger a battle for your son.” – HarriedHedgehog
“NTA. You shouldn’t hold back your happiness about your daughter.”
“If you actively talked to HER about it non-stop despite her feeling sad about it, it would be another story. But you have all the rights to announce the good news to your friends and family on facebook.”
“On another note, your ex wife sounds incredibely immature. Rejecting her own son for shallow reasons and accusing you of ‘copying’ her? What the h**l?”
“Seems like she’s holding a grudge on you. It also sounds like she lied about you to her family.” – marie-llama
Losing a child is devastating, but grief doesn’t give a person a free pass to try to control someone else’s happiness.
The subReddit was in agreement on this one, pointing out it’s time for the ex-wife to work through the grief of her lost baby… and then to lie in the bed she’s made with her first child.