How much is too much to spend on a wedding?
That question doesn’t have a simple or single answer because personal finances vary. But most people agree that anything that puts the bride and groom or their families in debt is too much.
But what if the expense is for one single element? Is $20,000 too much to spend?
A person planning their wedding turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
PopeBonyface asked:
“AITA for telling my fiancé he can’t buy his dream wedding gift?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“As you would imagine, my fiancé and I are getting married soon. We both do quite well financially (he makes a little more than me), have been living in an apartment we bought together around 2 years ago, and share all our finances.”
“My fiancé is very into wine and regularly adds to his collection, has tastings with friends, reads about wine/wine history, etc. I’m not at all against his hobby and occasionally high spending on it, since I somewhat enjoy it too, but his ‘dream’ he revealed to me recently was quite past the line for me.”
“His only personal dream for our wedding is to have this certain special bottle of champagne he wants. I’m not at all against him sharing a special bottle of wine with me during our reception, the only problem is that his dream champagne bottle is around $20,000!”
“WHAT‽‽”
“It will be a magnum bottle (1.5 liters instead of 750 ml), but still, that’s beyond insane for me!”
“He thinks I’m being unreasonable by completely disapproving and not allowing him to buy it since it’s his dream, we can easily afford it (definitely not completely true at all), and I’ll be enjoying it as well.”
“AITA?”
“$20k+ is a reasonably large percentage of the total wedding’s cost.”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“Denied my future husband buying the dream champagne he wants for our wedding. It’s his dream, we could technically afford it, and I’ll be enjoying too.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO – more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“If nothing else, showily consuming an extravagant beverage like that in front of one’s guests—unless by chance your wedding is small enough that a magnum can make its all the way around the room—is vulgar in the extreme. NTA.” ~ ExtremelyRetired
“They will offend everyone who attends. Look how rich we are, but you are not getting any even though attending and gifting took your time and money. It will be talked about forever.” ~ Tight_Jaguar_3881
“Unless he’s a multi-millionaire that has more money than he knows what to do with, this is just stupid. That’s a down payment on a house. At least spend 20k on something tangible and not on something he’s just going to piss out an hour later.” ~ Soft-Somewhere6823
“NTA, that is a big purchase. All big purchases need dual approval when you’re sharing your finances.” ~ sirmanleypower
“I think it depends a lot on if ‘quite well financially’ means a 6-figure job or like…millions upon millions in the bank. But either way, I personally don’t even think I could enjoy a glass of $20k champagne that I paid for—there is no taste that wouldn’t leave me filled with anxiety and dread that each sip cost $1000.” ~ Wild-Association1680
“NTA. Imagine all the different things you could do with $20k. He just wants to show off at the reception. Most people wouldn’t know the difference between the $20k bottle and a bottle of Moët.” ~ Gattina1
“I’ve had Dom Perignon a few times (approximately $250 per bottle) and I much prefer Asti Spumante at $15 per bottle. Anything that costs $20,000 should come with quarterly earnings statements.” ~ Big-Fig3260
“My entire wedding was less than 20K. That is insane. Completely INSANE. Like, seriously insane to spend that much on a wedding, let alone one bottle of wine.” ~ AlixofHesse1912
“People have wildly different amounts of money. OP needs to give more details about their financial situation/wedding spending to give us an accurate picture. Since OP left out all those details, I have a suspicion that OP/fiancé have much more money than average (what normal person would even consider a $20k bottle‽‽), and deliberately left out this information to garner more sympathy.”
“I know many people who are well off enough that $20k for a bottle of champagne for a special event like a wedding would be easily affordable (though still not commonplace), and I know people for whom $20k (total) on a wedding would be inconceivable.” ~ mets2016
“Even if it’s affordable, unless they are having a 12-person wedding, so the bottle allows one glass for each attendee, a bottle of fancy wine for the bride and groom/top table, and something cheaper for the guests is tacky. And a 1.5 litre bottle if it’s just him and the bride sharing it after the reception seems excessive!” ~ ProfessorYaffle1
“I think it’s obscene.” ~ smeeti
“NTA. A purchase that costs that much needs to be a 2-yeses kind of thing. It’s not unreasonable to say, ‘No, you cannot spend twenty thousand dollars on a bottle of champagne.’ But to appease him, maybe tell him he can buy it for your 25th wedding anniversary.” ~ Rredhead926
“How much does he make? If he makes 100k that wine is ridiculous. If he makes 500k then it is a one time splurge.” ~ Long_Ad_2764
“And have it on another day…because he won’t enjoy it on the wedding day. They will be lucky to have the time to finish a drink, let alone savor it.” ~ Jellybear135
“It sounds like a wonderful 1-year anniversary celebration. If they do the whole ‘save the top of the cake’ thing, that would be kind of sweet.”
“Ridiculous and not something I could even dream of affording. But if I could do it with a $20k bottle, instead of whatever the guy at the liquor store said was good and under $50, I totally would.” ~ WhimsicalKoala
“Do your financial houses match? Meaning, are you aligned on how you spend money?”
“At least he has shared his desire for this and not just went out and spent it.”
“It does seem extravagant to me. I think $70 a bottle is steep, but I will pay it occasionally.”
“It seems to me that you both need to align on finances before tying the knot.” ~ No_Profile_3343
“NTA. Honestly, regardless of cost, that isn’t a wedding gift, if it’s something only he wants, it’s not a wedding present. It doesn’t celebrate your union. It’s like if he bought himself his dream car as a wedding present. Or went on his dream honeymoon without you.” ~ KTeacherWhat
“We bought two magnums of our favourite champagne, Perrier Jouet Belle Epoque, for our wedding. $1500, which we thought was reasonable. $20k is not! NTA.” ~ alsotheabyss
“NTA at all—that’s more than my car cost.” ~ Ecstatic-Ad-5076
“NTA. Unless your dress cost more than his magnum of champagne, he’s completely out of line.” ~ dublos
“I wouldn’t spend that even if I could afford it. However, as others said, info is needed. If you’re buying a $20,000 dress, I think he can have the wine. Both are going to be a one-time use. If this is the biggest single expense at the wedding, then no.” ~ walking_dead_girl
“I divorced my husband and should have broken things off when he spent more on shoes than I did on my entire outfit and the bridesmaid’s dress. He was fiscally irresponsible, and that recklessness carried over into many parts of our lives. It’s especially hard to live with such a person when you have joint finances. NTA.” ~ 2dogslife
“You could do a seriously luxurious vacation around the Champagne vineyards in France instead for that amount. I think you would both (keyword: both) get a lot more out of that. NTA.” ~ Only-Ingenuity7889
“YTA for marrying this dude if he’s the kind of guy who will drink a $20,000 bottle of champagne in front of your friends and family without sharing it. That’s gauche and selfish in the extreme. What an absurd display of wealth.”
“Look, I also enjoy wine and have had the privilege of enjoying some expensive bottles, but the rule is that you share them with the people you invited to the party. If you’re gonna crack a $20,000 bottle, have enough for everyone. NTA for saying no.” ~ CalamityClambake
“I don’t drink so keep that in mind. But 20k that you are literally going to piss out is just a lot. So NTA.” ~ Ihateyou1975
“I have been a huge wine nerd for 30 years, and I have a 1,500-bottle wine cellar. So I can appreciate where he’s coming from, but spending $20k on a bottle of wine is just plain dumb. Maybe I would consider $1k.”
“Actually, I just got married last month (second marriage to my high school sweetheart 35 years later) and we drank a 1990 Chateau Margaux, which goes for roughly $2k these days.”
“I bought it in the 90s so didn’t pay that. But it was special and I would consider buying another bottle for our future 10th anniversary.”
“But $20k is nuts unless he’s making 7 figures. NTA.” ~ MaineMan1234
“NTA. Unless he has ‘f*ck you’ money (i.e. many millions) spending $20k on a consumable item is absurd and irresponsible. I’d be questioning my future with a person who wants to make this dumb of a purchase and then pass it off as a wedding gift when it’s really just for him.” ~ Mother_of_Kiddens
“Your wedding is the worst time for this. Save it for an anniversary where you can sit and enjoy it. Your wedding day is usually far busier and with a schedule and running around that most brides and grooms describe their wedding day as a bit of a blur.
“Do you really want to throw away $20k on something you barely remember? NTA.” ~ MohawMais
As many suggested, the wedding reception isn’t a great place or time for this kind of experience.