There’s a time and place for announcements. Pregnancies in particular have the ability to overshadow other events, so much that it’s considered bad form to announce them at certain events.
But was that the case when Throwaway56_4554, the original poster (OP), had to faint when her husband wanted to announce their pregnancy? To make matters worse, she only faked the fainting, leading to conflict with her husband.
To figure out if she was wrong, OP took her story to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for faking fainting at my mom’s house after my husband attempted to announce my pregnancy?”
OP starts by giving some background information on her family:
“Background—I F32 very recently lost my 8y/o nephew to cancer (leukemia) that he suffered from for months.”
“His parents (my brother and his wife) are absolutely devastated. He’s their only son and the family’s only grandchild.”
“I married my husband M29, 3 years ago and we’ve always wanted/planned to have kids but we’ve endured financial and medical hardship one of them being that my husband had a serious injury that cost him an eye. His other eye can’t function properly without assistance.”
‘He loves my family and my family love him but he can act out sometimes for no reason.”
With that out of the way, she gets to the meat of the story:
“This happened 2 weeks ago | After my nephews funeral my mom invited everyone to dinner to honor him. Knowing the occasion; I predicted there’d be potential sad moments and lot of silence.”
“I took pregnancy test days prior and told my husband I was pregnant. He got so excited and was already on the online to tell everyone.”
“Even said he was going on fb to announce it but I asked him to quiet down and not mention it during the family dinner and he said he could do that.”
“We arrived to mom’s house and my brother and his wife were there. They brought pictures of my nephew for us to look at.”
“Some of the family were already in tears til dinner was ready. My brother and his wife were telling stories about my nephew that everyone was affected by.”
“My husband kept giving me signals from under the table saying we should announce that we’re expecting to lighten up the mood. I warned him multiple times as he said he’ll do it if I won’t.”
In the spur of the moment, OP could only do one thing:
“He stood up and was about to open his mouth when I quickly pretended to faint and fell back in my chair. My husband and the others freaked out and stood up. my husband kept shaking me while mom splashed water over me.”
“I sat up in the chair and acted like I was fine afterwards. I then asked my husband to take me home and he grabbed my stuff and helped me walk. Mom then asked me to call if I felt better.”
“My husband was really buying it until I made sure we were out then I let go of him and started walking casually. He stood there asking WTAF?”
“I told him I just faked fainting to stop him from making a mistake and announcing my pregnancy during dinner.”
“He got mad and rushed back to ring my mom’s door but I stopped him in time. I had him get in the car and he lost it calling me ridiculous and complaining about how I played him and ruined this opportunity for him.”
“I called him crazy to think the dinner mom held for my recently departed nephew was an opportunity.”
“I told him I care about maintaining a decent relationship with my brother and won’t let an announcement ruin it.”
“I also said that my family needs my support not happy news that what? Is supposed to magically make the pain go away.”
“He argued we can’t ‘hide it forever’ and said I shouldn’t hide the news like it’s something to be ashamed of. He was and is still extremely upset that I lied to him and did this and keeps saying I shouldn’t have made a scene like that.”
After sharing her story, OP updated with a little new information:
“I don’t know if this is relevant but after what happened he’s been calling my morning sickness ‘fake’. He says he’s not a fool to fall for the same tricks and I kind of understand why he would have trouble believing what I say and do from now on.”
Commenters were asked to vote with one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The commenters didn’t think the husband was making a good choice with announcing the pregnancy and OP did the right thing preventing it.
Even if it meant lying to her husband:
“NTA – ‘He got mad and rushed back to ring my mom’s door,’ I mean….is he OK? Who does that?”
“‘Ruined this opportunity for him’ – His little nephews funeral was an opportunity? I mean….Really? REALLY?”
“I get people are going to say you could have talked to him. Sounds like you did and he didn’t listen and was never going to.”
“You know him and I don’t but I have to say, he sounds like he has issues.” – Personal_Main_4978
“Yes, I kid you not he really did. I’m guessing he was upset after he found out I wasn’t really sick and waned to go back to tell my mom?”
“I’m not sure why he wanted to return inside my mom’s house. But I sure did talk to him even before we got there as I stated in my post but I don’t know why he still attempted to make the announcement.” – Throwaway56_4554 (OP)
“Announcing your pregnancy at the dinner meant to honor a family member wouldn’t ‘lighten’ the mood.”
“All it would do is hurt your family members. What did he honestly expect? You already told him no, and he agreed.”
“Honestly, yes. It’s his child too, but you’re the one carrying it. He can be excited all he wants, but it should be you who gets the final say on when it comes out.”
“Good for you on letting your family grieve.” – Mi-Nira
“NTA. It’s so insane that you had to do that bc your husband won’t listen to you. You need to have a more serious conversation about this tbh.”
“He cares more about himself and how he feels than anyone else. Especially at a memorial dinner? Excuse me? For an 8 yr old little boy nonetheless.”
“Does he show this behavior often? Does he have a hard time reading people’s emotions? Bc if so he needs to listen to your words when you tell him that you won’t be telling them at dinner.”
“Of course you’re not going to hide it forever. But dinner right then and there was not the time. I also have a hard time believing he acts out for no reason.
“I’m assuming the reason is attention and he craves ‘his moments’” – errkajune
People also couldn’t believe the husband’s actions.
They questioned his mental faculties and OP’s possible future with this man.
What was the husband thinking?
“INFO: when your husband lost his eye, did he also suffer a TBI? Because his inability to read a room or control his impulses are extremely concerning.”
“Does he often lose his temper or disregard your feelings like that? His behavior makes him TA, but I’m wondering if it’s due to something deeper?” – ZombiesAndZoos
“That was my first thought. Something is definitely odd about his behavior. OP is absolutely NTA.” – Touch_Revolutionary
“NTA. Are you sure you want to have a child with this man?”
“1) He showed zero empathy towards a grieving family.”
“2) He failed to realize that as the person who is pregnant, you should be comfortable with any announcements made.”
“3) He made it all about him.”
“Honestly, I worry that this will happen again and again during your marriage.” – Soiree1999
“And is now continuing to hold it against OP by saying that her morning sickness must be fake too.”
“If he hasn’t been able to realise what an arsehole he would be for announcing a pregnancy at a child’s funeral after two weeks, and is continuing to double down… he sounds like an actual monster.” – Raise-The-Gates
OP shouldn’t have had to go so far as faking passing out to get her husband to listen. He agreed he wouldn’t do this, and yet he tried to anyway.
He needs to take time to self-reflect if he can, and figure out why this was so much more important to him than the feelings of others including his wife.