Pregnancy can come with a lot of side effects and complications.
Pregnancy isn't always smooth sailing.
Now, some pregnancies are perfect.
The people who experience perfect pregnancies don't always find sympathy for the others.
This can cause a lot of distress.
Redditor u/Lolli6364 found herself in a dilemma regarding her pregnancy and relationship with her sister-in-law, so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Like AITA, the AITAH subreddit lets posters ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
She asked:
"AITAH for calling out my SIL for insinuating that I faked my pregnancy sickness behind my back?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"When I hit the third trimester, I started feeling really unwell."
"My belly became bigger and heavier, making it difficult for me to walk even 500 meters."
"I already had issues with low blood pressure, and pregnancy made it worse, causing me to faint from time to time."
"I was also working full-time in the office throughout my entire pregnancy, so I only had two days a week to prepare the baby’s room and buy/organize everything we needed — all by myself, since my husband was not an 'expert' in this kind of stuff."
"So when my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] (who was also pregnant at the time and lived in another city, five hours away by car) decided she wanted to come visit us with her husband and our niece, I wasn’t particularly happy about it."
"I wanted to use whatever free time I had to prepare my home and myself for the baby, and having them stay with us would mean accommodating them and spending most of my free time with them."
"I asked my husband to ask them to postpone the visit, but he didn’t because he didn’t want to have a discussion with his sister (although, apparently, he has no problem having discussions with me)."
"My SIL also used the argument that since we were both pregnant and due around the same time, we might not see each other for quite a long time, which was true."
"In the end, they came to visit anyway."
"Since my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] also decided to join them, they had to rent an apartment because our flat wasn’t big enough."
"My SIL and I had never argued before."
"I actually thought we were on good terms… until this happened."
"On the day they were coming, I had to undergo a glucose tolerance test for gestational diabetes."
"It was a routine test, but a pretty nasty one: you have to drink a glass of glucose on an empty stomach and then have your blood drawn."
"I actually fainted at the doctor’s office."
"When I got home, I also threw up and went to bed because I was feeling terrible."
"This was in the morning."
"At around 10 a.m., we received a call from my MIL saying, 'Open up, we’re downstairs!'”
"I was shocked because they were supposed to arrive at 3 p.m., which was the scheduled check-in time for their rental apartment."
"They had decided to start their journey early without telling us."
"So I was completely unprepared, still feeling awful after the test, and the house was a mess."
"I told my husband, 'Oh no, look at the mess. We can’t have people over right now, and I don’t feel well enough to receive anyone.”'
"He politely asked them if they could wait at a nice café near our place and called the owner of the rental apartment to see if they could arrange an early check-in."
"That same evening, they came to our place for dinner, which I gladly prepared because by then I was feeling better."
"The moment my SIL arrived, I noticed a very judgmental look from her, although I didn’t think much of it at the time."
"Throughout the dinner, she was quite passive-aggressive."
"I also received comments from my MIL that seemed to minimize what I was experiencing, such as, 'Oh, come on, it’s nothing to worry about. Low blood pressure isn’t so bad. It would be much worse if you had high blood pressure as I did.'”
"The next day, they all went strolling around town."
"Again, I didn’t feel like walking around because of my low blood pressure and pregnancy symptoms, so I declined the invitation."
"That evening, when my husband came home, he started insinuating that my sickness couldn't be that bad, that I was exaggerating, and that I could have gone into town with them."
"He also said that his sister was pregnant too and could still do everything as usual."
"I felt terrible after hearing this because not only was he being completely insensitive toward my situation, but he was essentially telling me that I was lying."
"On the day of their departure, I was feeling sick again and couldn't even get up and walk down the stairs to say goodbye."
"I told my husband that, if they wanted to, they could come upstairs and say goodbye to me."
"When they came in, once again I received that judgmental look from my SIL."
"This time, however, I confronted her."
"I told her..."
"'Listen, I think what you told my husband about my sickness was extremely disrespectful toward me and my condition. I don't tolerate that kind of behavior, especially when it undermines my relationship with my husband. You put this idea in his head, and I think it was incredibly disrespectful of you, especially given that you are also pregnant and should understand what it feels like. So please do not ever repeat this again, because I will not tolerate this kind of behavior.'”
"I said this in front of everyone."
"She was shocked and immediately tried to play the victim."
"She said that, to her, I didn’t actually look ill or sick, so I should have let them into our home when they arrived instead of making them wait at the café."
"She also said that she was pregnant too and that, even when she felt sick, she didn’t 'make a drama' out of it."
"According to her, I was making too big a deal out of my situation and should at least have made more of an effort to spend time with them since they had traveled all that way to visit us."
"After the argument, I felt even worse."
"I felt like I was about to faint, became extremely pale, and ultimately she squeezed out an 'I’m sorry,' which did not sound particularly sincere."
"I also told my husband, in front of everyone, that if he ever questioned my honesty or sincerity again because he listened to insinuations from his sister, he was free to go and live with her."
"I told him that I did not want our child to be raised in this kind of toxic dynamic."
"To this day, my SIL and I are still not on good terms."
"We have only seen each other twice since then, and both times involved other dramas, which I will tell you about another time."
"She still plays the victim and talks badly about me behind my back, especially to my MIL."
"I feel like this has also affected my MIL’s behavior toward us."
"At this point, even my husband doesn’t want to go back to his hometown to visit them."
"From time to time, I feel bad that his relationship with his sister and mother has deteriorated."
"But, to be fair, even before all of this, they didn’t have an especially close or happy relationship."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So, AITAH in this situation?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"NTA, but your husband is spineless." ~ Bitter-Picture5394
"If your partner won’t stand up for you, I’d question the relationship." ~ trvllvr
"Not only will he not stand up for her, but he also won't help his sick wife at all with baby setup because he's 'not an expert.'"
"They're becoming parents at the same time, they're coming into this with equal levels of experience, and he's content to let her struggle through this while he does the equivalent of sticking his name on a group project he didn't contribute to."
"The fact that OP thinks SIL 'putting an idea in his head' is a legitimate excuse for treating your spouse the way he's treating her shows just how accustomed she is to this man's shi*tiness." ~ seajustice
"He’s also an idiot not to comprehend that different pregnancies, even for the same person, can be completely different."
"My first was so easy; by the end of my second I couldn’t wait for it to be over."
"In my first, I didn’t have any negative symptoms of pregnancy."
"In my second, I had heartburn the entire time, coughing fits so bad my stomach muscles hurt, and I was huge and uncomfortable."
"The baby pushed on the nerves along my ribs so that I was constantly feeling sharp pains there."
"To this day, the nerve has some residual damage, and I can periodically feel the same pain." ~ trvllvr
"NTA, kinda, but save some of that heat for your husband!"
"You know, the same husband who, after watching you suffer for months, questioned your sickness after spending a few hours with his sister and Mom?"
"The same husband who couldn't be bothered to clean up himself for his own family visiting?"
"The same husband who didn't take your needs into account and actually ignored them entirely by letting them come in the first place?"
"The one who is doing absolutely nothing while you do everything to prepare for the baby because he's maliciously incompetent?"
"You are so mad at your in-laws for 'putting ideas' in a grown-a*s man's head?"
"You have a husband problem, not an in-law problem." ~ Common_Tiger1526
"NTA, but your husband is the biggest problem."
"He didn’t help you during your pregnancy, not even when you were sick."
"He scolded you while you were sick."
"I think the person you were most upset with was him." ~ BookishIntrovert99
"I have 3 kids, and each pregnancy was wholly different."
"With my first, I just got on with it and was relatively okay after first trimester sickness."
"My last one (born this year), I was incredibly ill, having numerous hospital stays, constant complications, had bad sciatica, and during the last 3 months had to be on strict bed rest."
"My point is that each pregnancy is different, and just because your SIL was fine does not mean that your experience is exactly the same as hers; she and your MIL should, as women have realized that."
"Your husband is also a jerk."
"NTA, but the rest of your family are." ~ Hippopotamus_can_fly
"That whole family sucks, including your husband."
"He isn't an 'expert, so you have to do it???"
"Also, not an expert since it's both your first child???"
"I hope he changed that after you read him the riot act."
"NTA for saying what needed to be said." ~ CuriousPenguinSocks
"NTA, but your husband is."
"Ditch him and parent alone."
"He’s proven not to have your back and is more concerned about his sibling and mom's feelings than yours." ~ Upbeat_Vanilla_7285
"NTA. But I do fear your husband has misplaced his backbone."
"I hope since then he's found it again." ~ Grindersgirl
"NTA. I hate when women judge other women's health, whether it's periods or pregnancies."
"Just because someone breezes through it doesn't mean others do."
"OP, I'm really proud of how you shut everyone down, and I hope your husband realized how much he'd messed up."
"Low blood pressure is awful and should not be dismissed lightly." ~ OkCaterpillar8941
Reddit is with you, OP.
How dare your SIL behave this way?
You deserved better from your husband.
Don't let them stress you out,
Stay calm and carry on.
