Sometimes it’s not the seemingly little thing that set a person off that’s a problem. It’s the multitude of things, accumulated over time, tgat really upset them.
A young man turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback after the disposition of his birthday cake proved to be his breaking point.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
KiritoSan1111 asked:
“AITA for getting upset that my family ate almost my entire birthday cake even after I told them not to?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (21, male) had my birthday 3 days ago. One of my close friends made me a 2kg (4.4lb) homemade biscoff cheesecake with a cookie base, completely from scratch, the day before our end semester exam.”
“She put a lot of time and effort into it, and I was really touched.”
“She brought the cake to my house, and we had a small celebration with 4 to 5 close friends. I only ate one slice because I don’t like having too many sweets at once.”
“After everyone had a piece, about 3/4 of the cake was still left. The next morning, I had one piece, and I had another piece at night.”
“At this point, less than half the cake was left. I figured someone in the house might have tried it. I was okay with it, whatever.”
“The day after that, I had stomach issues and didn’t eat anything. I did notice that the cake was getting smaller and smaller.”
“At this point, there was only 1/4 cake left. So I told my family (mom, dad and younger brother), ‘please don’t eat the cake anymore. I want to have my birthday cake for myself’.”
“I just wanted to eat it myself because there was so little left and I really love this cake—it’s my favorite, plus my friend made it specifically for me during exams, leaving her studies to make this happen.”
“Also, she lives like 26km (16 miles) away from me and still she came just to give me this cake.”
“The next morning? Only one piece was left. I still wasn’t upset. I thought, at least I have one last piece to myself.”
“I ate the biscoff topping and cookie base, saving the cheesecake part for later. The next day, even the last piece was gone.
“At this point, I had only eaten three slices of a 2kg (4.4lb) cake made just for my birthday. I got upset and told the friend who baked it for me.”
“My mom overheard and immediately started yelling at me, saying things like ‘we never ate your cake completely, you ate it yourself everyday, I saw you’. I explained that I only had three pieces and didn’t even get to finish the fourth.”
“She insisted I was lying. During the argument, she casually admitted she gave pieces to a family friend, an uncle who visited, my dad, and one of my friends who asked for a slice because he liked the cake when I gave it to him on my birthday.
“I said, ‘That’s why the cake disappeared,’ but she kept claiming I ate it all. We argued until I was shouting out of frustration because she didn’t make any sense at all.”
“She kept berating me for who I am and just vented her anger and stress on me. I was just done, so I ignored her and went to my room.”
“She called my dad to complain, and I thought at least he would be on my side, but damn, even he got mad at me. At this point I just gave up on them.”
“They never listen and have always treated me like sh*t.”
“They didn’t even do anything on my birthday. My friends planned everything.”
“AITAH for being upset that I barely got to eat my own birthday cake even after telling everyone not to finish it?”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to get upset (NTA), but that this was bigger than birthday cheesecake.
“This isn’t about cake. There’s a lot more that’s made you very unhappy and feel unheard and unvalued by your family.”
“Regardless of whether it’s one-sided (them or you) or both sides causing this, it sounds like a break from each other is best for everyone. You don’t scream at each other over cake if there aren’t deeper issues.” ~ MohawMais
“OP’s mom: ‘I didn’t eat your cake. I just gave it to other people to eat!’.” ~ Ok_Illustrator5694
“NTA. WTF is your mom doing, treating the special cake made for you on your birthday by your close friend as her personal hostess gift to whoever walked in the door? Your family has no class and no boundaries.” ~ Curious-One4595
“There is a kind of mom who is always very sweet and kind and generous to outsiders—with your things. And very unhappy if you dare protest.” ~ witchy_cheetah
“She’s the kind who gives away your treasured childhood teddy because ‘you’re not using it anymore’. It’s all about what your stuff can do for her.”
“Move out before your next birthday OP.” ~ Beth21286
“My mother donated the computer that I just bought to her friend, just because her friend’s son decided to study computer science. Mom… How can I explain… It’s ideal for computing because I bought it to program for my own future career…” ~ mazapana4
“Other than the friend who had already had a slice, how would any of those people even know there was a cake? It’s not like they asked and she felt bad turning them down. She clearly offered it up to look like the perfect hostess.” ~ TiffanyTwisted11
“Narcissists. It makes her look good to give out your cake. Her image comes above everything else.”
“I’m no-contact (NC) with almost my whole family because narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) runs in the women’s side, and all of the men enable them. My dad said some bullsh*t that he’s ‘bound’ to my mom as if she wasn’t going to divorce him when I was 16.”
“She talked about divorcing him FOR A YEAR!!! Told me it was my fault!!!!”
“So yeah, I’m NC with all and have never been more grateful to be adopted.” ~ GahhhItsMilk
“NTA. Your mom obviously does not respect you at all. I would try to move out when possible as it seems like this is not uncommon for her. Happy birthday!” ~ Educational_Gene735
“From now on, eat everyone’s favorite food. Or just give it away. If you can’t give it away or eat it, just throw it away.Then deny it and move on as if nothing happened. Ignore them completely when they get mad.” ~ AnemosMaximus
“NTA, and they seem very confused about what sharing is. His family never got permission to eat his cake or give it away, which means it’s not sharing, it’s stealing. Sharing means getting permission from the owner.” ~ bratty_b01
“NTA. It’s literally your birthday, and they shouldn’t have touched it. If it had been like two weeks, then yeah, you snooze, you lose. But if you specifically told them you wanted the last piece and to not have any more, then they should have f*cked off.” ~ Head-Average2205
“Even if OP didn’t specifically say that, what kind of arsehole eats the last half-eaten slice of someone else’s birthday cake! Jail. Jail for a thousand years!” ~ Ybuzz
“I keep thinking about this. Why the hell is the dirty little gremlin jonesing so hard for sweets that they ate a picked at, mutilated slice of someone else’s birthday cheesecake? It’s like they were deliberately trying to annoy OP.” ~ Bice_thePrecious
“NTA-happy birthday 🎂 and the fact that your friend put that much effort into your cake, means that you’ve chosen well in the friends department! You must keep that friend at all costs, also your mom kinda sucks for ignoring your boundary.” ~ DependentMarsupial99
“NTA and it sucks they ate your cake. I know how you feel. On my birthday one year I wasn’t feeling great so didn’t have any of my cake after blowing out the candles. When I got up the next day the whole cake was gone. My mum had got hungry in the night and eaten the entire thing.” ~ Princessboo1412
“NTA. My mom once fell asleep with my ice cream cake on her lap, extra delicious fudge centre. I was devastated.”
“The fact that you asked them not to eat it, and they did anyway, is EVEN WORSE. Your family is inconsiderate.”
“I’d find petty little ways to get back at them, like making sure there are only three squares of toilet paper left on the roll or hiding their left socks. Peace will be restored when they apologize.” ~ Dramatic_Dish1400
“I would even be pettier. In a few weeks, the Christmas turkey or ham would magically turn into a quail or a can of SPAM.” ~ Beard_of_Smoke
“Even better, OP should just give the entire holiday meal away since apparently that doesn’t count as ‘taking’ in his household.” ~ calamitylamb
The OP later shared:
“I’ve been working towards leaving this house. It’s my 3rd year of engineering, so only 1 year left then I can get a job.”
“Once I leave my parents’ house, I will never come back.”
Sometimes, a clean break from family is required.
Hopefully it prompts them to make amends and treat OP better, but if it doesn’t, at least he won’t have to deal with people who make him unhappy any longer.