It’s never fun to be the odd one out.
Most of the time, people just feel that way, even if no one intentionally excludes them from parties, gatherings, and events.
In some unfortunate circumstances, however, people do indeed go to great lengths to make sure certain people aren’t present at certain events.
Which seldom goes unnoticed by the one they are trying to exclude.
Such was sadly the case for the wife of Redditor throwawayl8rbye, who was always under the impression that her husband’s family wasn’t accepting her.
However, she felt the proof was in the pudding when the original poster (OP) informed her that his family invited him on a skiing trip.
However, if she wanted to come, there was one severe catch.
Unsure as to whether or not he handled the situation as well as he could have, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for going a on trip with my family that my wife isn’t going on?”
The OP shared how he was very excited to accompany his family on an upcoming vacation, and little to nothing would dampen his excitement, even the way his family treated his wife.
“Recently my parents surprised me(26 M[ale]) and my siblings(16 and 19) with a ski trip this December the day after Christmas.”
“My parents offered to pay for my expenses and said that my wife(24) was welcome to come, but she would need to pay her way.”
“My wife and I are okay financially, but with the trip being so close to Christmas we wouldn’t be able to afford to pay for her to go.”
“Despite this I really wanted to go on the trip as it was always a dream of mine to go on a trip like this.”
“My family grew up dirt poor until I was about 15 when my parents business took off and now they extremely comfortable and can afford to pay for trips like this for us.”
“They could certainly afford to pay for my wife to also go, but they have always been this way when it comes to paying for things for me versus my wife.”
“My parents think it’s only fair to pay for me when we go out to eat or go on trips because they are still paying for my siblings.”
“I don’t ask them too, but it is nice to save money so on every trip they will pay my way, room and board, excursions, meals, while my wife was expected to pay her way.”
“This started before we were married.”
“This has always bothered my wife especially after we got married and they still excluded her so in these past 2 years since we got married so I tried to limit the trips since they bother her so much, but this is a once and a lifetime trip for me so I thought she would be supportive of me going, but she’s very upset and hurt.”
‘She wants to go on the trip, but like I said we just can’t afford it, which she understands.”
“She told me she does want me to have this experience, but she is sad because she thinks my parents purposefully exclude her.”
“AITA for choosing to go on the trip and leave her behind?”
“I still have time to cancel on my parents, but I know they would be sad.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP received little to no sympathy from the OP, agreeing that he was pretty clearly the a**Hole for leaving his wife behind as he joined his family on a skiing trip.
Everyone agreed that the OP was oblivious both to his wife’s feelings and the way his family was treating her, and he needed to step up to the plate and stand up for his wife.
“Please read what you wrote.”
“You really think your parents don’t know what they are doing here?”
“Save up and do a similar trip with your wife as a couple if it’s that important to you.”
“Either she’s ‘family’ to your parents or she isn’t, and clearly she isn’t.”
“And you’re a serious AH to your wife by letting your family continuously exclude her.”
“They should either be paying for both of you or you and your wife should be covering for the two of you.”- Key-Bit1208
“This isn’t a weekend getaway with the guys.”
“This is a family trip.”
“Your wife is part of the family now.”
“You are a package deal.”
“If you can’t both go on this trip then neither of you should be going.”- FreshwaterOctopus
“Your parents are excluding your wife.”
“It has hurt her in the past and she told you that, but you thought a really great trip would be less hurtful?”
“It’s up to you to stand up for your wife and make sure they treat her as a member of the family.”
“It might mean missing cool trips, but you are responsible for standing up for her with your family.”
“Your parents are doing this purposely, and need to be told it isn’t ok.”- kilianstark
“So your parents don’t like your wife and are purposely trying to drive a wedge between you two?”
“And you seem to be letting them?”
“Your poor wife.”
“Maybe her next marriage will be with someone who respects her like she deserves.”- thisagain098
“Why on earth would they pay for you and not your wife?”
“What’s their logic?”- Regular-Tell-108
“So, you are well aware that your parents are intentionally excluding your wife, and apparently, this is definitely not the first time, and you don’t understand why she’s so hurt and upset about this, especially when it’s during Christmas?”
“Think about it, dude.”
“Think real hard.”
“What do you mean with being near Christmas you can’t afford it?”
“You should be canceling all gift giving to pay for your wife.”
“I can’t believe you are planning to leave her behind.”- catsthis
“I hope you are going to be cool with your wife excluding your parents from her future children’s lives.”- Bitter-Conflict-4089
“If you don’t start standing up for your wife, you won’t be married for long.”- cynical-mage
“Did it occur to you that if your parents had given more notice you might have had time to save up the money or change up the Christmas budget so that she could go too?”
“But they didn’t did they?”
“They don’t care whether she is able to come or not and it sounds like you don’t either.”-SnooPets8873
“Your parents are very weird, they should either pay for both of you or neither of you.”
“She is your wife, your FAMILY and your parents refusing to see her as such shows a whole different issue.”
“Also you not standing up to them but instead let yourself be bought and picking free trips over your wife is ridiculous.”
“YTA, your parents too.”- maslacleti
“You’d rather your wife, the innocent party, be sad than your parents, who are always going out of their way to exclude your wife?”
“How can you do this and still at yourself in the mirror.”
“Any true husband would stand by their wife and refuse to go if their spouse is not treated equally.”
“Seriously, do you even love your wife, because from your actions it doesn’t look like it.”
“Grow a backbone, refuse to go, and spend some quality time instead with your wife, who I bet would support you 100% if the roles were reversed.”- Yogi-and-BooBoo
“Your wife has a husband problem.”
“She’s married to a man who will not advocate for her when it comes to his parents and inclusiveness.”
“What other weird shit with your parents do you prioritize over your wife?”
“This is the sort of thing people divorce over.”
“And it’s really sad to me that you would want to do a ‘once in a lifetime’ trip like this without your wife who wants to go too.”- UsuallyWrite2
“This is the type of thing that leads to divorce over time.”
“I’d either pay for wife to go or not go.”
“The mountains aren’t going anywhere.”- AbroadTemporary5359
“TLDR: my parents have enough money to include my wife, but not enough class or manners to, and I don’t care enough to let it stop me from doing things with them without her, since we can’t afford to pay her way.”
“Why does this bother my wife?”- dart1126
We’ve all had a vacation that we’ve dreamed of going on our entire lives, like the OP and this skiing trip.
Though it’s hard to imagine the OP could possibly have a good time knowing that he left his wife, all alone at home while he was enjoying the slopes.
Particularly as this family made it clear she was less than welcome to join them.
If the OP does manage to have a good time, then he might need to seriously re-evaluate his priorities.