Being a part of a wedding party can be great fun.
But that fun comes at a cost.
And we mean that literally…
Not everybody can afford extravagant hair and make-up for a wedding.
Redditor Prestigious-Trust265 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for being angry that I’m being forced to pay $400 for hair & makeup as a bridesmaid?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I recently moved to N[orth] C[arolina] for my spouse, who is in the military.”
“I left my job in January, went back to grad school, and started waitressing to make ends meet.”
“My best friend is getting married, and I’m one of her bridesmaids.”
“I love her, but the costs are getting overwhelming.”
“She picked a makeup artist who charges nearly $400 for hair and makeup, and required all of us to use her in order for the artist to travel to the wedding.”
“On top of that, I’ve already spent: • ~$400 for flights & Airbnb for her bachelorette in New York • $129 for the dress • $100 tailoring • ~$600 More flights & hotel for the wedding itself • Plus the wedding gift I still need to buy.”
“When she first sent us the costs back in December, I privately told her I was struggling financially and would be doing my hair/makeup myself.”
“She said she ‘understood’ and might reconsider a different artist if more bridesmaids mentioned it.”
“Other bridesmaids (including the M[aid]-O[f]-H[onor]) did complain, but she ultimately decided to stick with this expensive artist and expects us to pay.”
“Now things are worse because my dog had an accident requiring surgery and physical therapy, which we paid out of pocket.”
“My budget is tight, but I feel stuck like I’m being forced into an awkward position where saying no would make me look like a bad friend.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for being angry about this?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“If the bride requires it, the bride should be covering it. NTA.” ~ Sami_George
“Agree, wedding sub leans to bride pays makeup and hair if it’s compulsory.” ~ No-Jicama-6523
“I had a really small wedding and I paid for me, my sister, S[ister]-I[n] L[aw], and niece to get our hair and makeup done.”
“My niece was my flower girl.”
“I also bought her dress.”
“My sister was my maid of honor, and I just felt like I should include SIL cause her kid was there!”
“It just seemed like the thing to do, also it was fun.”
“The salon was down the block from the venue, and we ordered lunch for us during the prep!” ~ too_too2
“Yeah, I got married a couple of decades ago and paid for hair and makeup if my bridesmaids requested.”
“Half got theirs done, the other half slept in.”
“NTA. Honestly, I’d message again and say this isn’t in your budget.”
“If it’s really a requirement, you’d be happy to attend as a guest.” ~ TheGeekOffTheStreet
“100%. I offered it to my bridesmaids and told them up front they’d have to pay, but it was up to them.”
“There was also zero pressure for them to get it done.”
“Once they said no, I didn’t bring it up again.” ~ ExSportsCalendar
“Yup, exactly.”
“I paid for all of my bridesmaids to have their hair and makeup done the morning of the wedding, and I bought them all earrings to wear, as well as paid for their hotel rooms the night before the wedding.”
“The only thing they had to pay for was their dresses!” ~ sunflower_pearls
“Agree. I’ve been to several weddings.”
“When it was required/expected, it was paid for.”
“If it was offered, I paid for myself.”
“I’ve also had the option to pay for either hair or makeup and do the other myself. In this case, I’d often pay for an updo but do my own makeup.”
“People really need to get it in their heads that expecting people to drop a thousand dollars (in addition to travel expenses, time off work, showers/bach parties, etc) just so their wedding photos look picture perfect is not fair.” ~ JennnnnP
“At this point, I think you need to be blunt and lay out the costs to the bride as you have above, and say that you cannot afford to pay any more to be in her wedding.”
“You simply do not have it and cannot go into debt for HER wedding.”
“You said in December that money was tight, you didn’t want to pay for a hairstylist, and you simply cannot afford it.”
“No means no. NTA.” ~ Esmereldathebrave
“NTA. When did it start that brides don’t pay for their bridesmaids anymore?!”
“It is horrendous.” ~ redditstinkttotal
“Same. Also $400 is completely outrageous.”
“Granted, this was a little over a decade ago, but I got my hair and makeup done TWICE in one day (for a wedding in the morning and then reception in the evening) plus the artist dressed me for both events (I’m Indian, so she put a sari on me).”
“I paid a total of $500, plus I think a tip. $400 for bridesmaid hair and makeup for presumably ONE time is wild.”
“For all the weddings that I was in, I paid between $60-$100 for hair and makeup.” ~ Desperate-Cricket-58
“NTA. In my opinion, if hair and makeup are required, the bride should pay, and it definitely shouldn’t cost this much.”
“I was in a wedding last year, and hair and makeup were optional, but I decided to get mine done since it was a special day.”
“It was about half that much, including tip.” ~ hayleybeth7
“NTA, and you should group chat all the bridesmaids and bride at the same time and say you are so sorry, but you are unable to pay for the hair and makeup.”
“You are willing to do it yourself or will step down if asked, but unfortunately, you just can’t spend an additional $400.” ~ javel1
“NTA and have an honest conversation with her.”
“Tell her how you’ve been feeling about everything so far, what happened to your dog, and that you do not want to pay $400 for hair and makeup.”
“If she won’t listen, then drop out.”
“A real friend would understand and either let you do your own hair and makeup or offer to pay for it.”
“A fake friend would demand you suck up the cost.” ~ AdministrativeSun364
“NTA. Asking someone whom you know is struggling financially to be your bridesmaid, and then setting the expenses well into the $1000s for participation in the wedding, is just downright ignorant.”
“I knew my bridesmaids were struggling financially when I got married.”
“They would already have to travel to participate(we all lived in different regions), so to offset that, I provided accommodations for most of them.”
“I made sure that their costs for their outfits would be well below the average for a bridesmaid, and even offset the cost from my own budget where necessary, because their participation was important to me.”
“This person asked you to be a bridesmaid, but very clearly doesn’t actually value you as a friend if they thought it was acceptable to put you in this position in order to be a part of their wedding.” ~ Careless_League_9494
“NTA… If you can’t afford it, then you can’t afford it.”
“Be straight up and honest with her.”
“If she doesn’t get it, then she’s not a great friend.”
“There must have been a tiny voice inside her somewhere that knew $400 make-up was not a great use of her friends’ resources.”
“If you need to drop out, just drop out.” ~ RoyallyOakie
“NTA. Where I’m from, you pay for everything for your wedding party, including the night of the wedding a the hotel, and the night before if they need to be there early.”
“If it will help you not to buy a gift, then don’t buy one; she’s putting huge financial pressure on you.”
“It’s literally one day.”
“It isn’t even the most important day in her life (unless she has a really pathetic life), so it certainly shouldn’t put you in any financial difficulty.”
“Maybe you could see about refunds and back out if it’s getting too much.”
“It may ruin your friendship, but it sounds like she isn’t being much of a friend to you anyway.” ~ International-Fee255
“NTA, but you need to tell her she can’t afford yet another expense related to her wedding.”
“If she is any kind of real friend, she will understand and either offer to cover your costs or help you make other arrangements.” ~ PeachBanana8
“I might be in a very slim minority, but I’ve never understood why when someone asks someone to stand beside them at their wedding, they expect them to cover all this stuff. NTA.” ~ FickleCharge882
“NTA. It is insane to me that hair and makeup cost three times what your dress did.”
“You are spending a lot of money to be a bridesmaid.”
“Too late to bail?” ~ L2N2
Update returned to chat…
“For clarification, I declined hair and makeup and said I would do it myself.”
“The artist had a minimum bridesmaid requirement in order to travel, and at the time, enough bridesmaids agreed to pay, so it didn’t matter that I opted out.”
“Later, however, several bridesmaids backed out of the cost, and we raised concerns about the artist’s pricing.”
“The bride had said she would look into alternatives if that happened, but instead, she put down a deposit and required all of us to reimburse her.”
“I never agreed to this.”
“I made it clear months ago that I was doing my own hair and makeup.”
“The bride also knew about my financial situation (moving, leaving work, tight budget) before asking me to be a bridesmaid.”
“I did save money for wedding-related expenses, but I was not expecting this added cost.”
“And no, $400 is not a normal rate for a makeup artist.”
“My past experience has been closer to $90-$100, or I’ve had the option to do it myself.”
Reddit is with you, OP.
This bride sounds a little selfish.
That is a lot of money to demand people pay to be a part of a wedding.
You have to protect your own finances.
Don’t feel bad.
Good Luck.