There's nothing quite like the hurt of realizing that your partner doesn't love you equally.
But it's even worse when you make this discovery through signs of them cheating on you, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Azrael335481 had been with his girlfriend for three years and thought everything was going well, until she left their Germany home to go on a trip to Japan.
While there, the Original Poster (OP) discovered flirty text messages she was exchanging with her guy friend, as well as her attempts to meet up with him while she was away.
He asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by being upset that I found flirty text messages from my girlfriend to her male friend?"
The OP discovered that his girlfriend might not be faithful to him.
"My girlfriend (26 Female) and I (30 Male) have been together for three years."
"Right now, I’m alone in our apartment in Germany while she is visiting family in Japan."
"Two days ago, I used her Mac for work, and her LINE app was open."
"I saw a chat with an old male friend, Naoki. She sent him, 'I want to see you and miss you' with a red heart and blowing-kisses emojis."
"She was trying to meet him in Japan, and when he joked about visiting Germany, she replied, 'Sure thing, come quickly.'"
The OP broached the subject of the discovery by tricking his girlfriend.
"We have a strict, explicit rule in our relationship against sending hearts or kissing emojis to the opposite sex."
"Instead of confronting her immediately, I brought up a real situation involving a mutual friend of ours named Hannes."
"I told her that Hannes was fighting with his partner because he sent kiss emojis to another girl."
"My girlfriend completely took the bait and heavily judged him. She texted me, 'I wouldn't want my boyfriend using love, flirt, or kissing emojis with someone else. I can understand why she's angry. Hannes has to apologize from the bottom of his heart.'"
"I replied, 'I'm just happy we can trust each other.'"
What the OP's girlfriend did next confirmed for him that she was guilty.
"Right after that message, she must have panicked. She realized her LINE was still synced with her Mac and that she was doing the exact same thing to me that she just condemned Hannes for."
"Within hours, she completely logged out and disconnected her LINE account from the Mac to hide the evidence."
"I feel sick. She literally admitted to me that what she is doing is wrong, while actively doing it behind my back, and then tried to erase the tracks."
"Am I overreacting for thinking this relationship is over? How do I even confront her now?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some pointed out that she likely had been doing this for a long time and maybe even cheated by this point.
"NOR. If she's doing it now, then that means she's been doing it for who knows how long."
"She doesn't feel bad about doing it; she feels bad you caught her. I would say it's time for you to probably let this one go. It's clear she's not over other people." - RaisinWorried3528
"NOR. She crossed a hard line, bro; just walk now because it ain’t gonna get any better."
"Trust me, I’ve been there. I tried to justify it, make sense of it, and even deny what it clearly was, just like you are in these comments."
"Read your post back to yourself and pretend it’s a friend asking you for advice. What would you tell your friend?" - Tchukachinchina
"NOR. It doesn't get better. It doesn't get fixed. This moment for you is the red flag in the dirt. You may remove it and patch it up, but it stays there, and a new one will be put in at some point."
"This is the fork in the road for you. From my experience, I followed the wrong one and got married, and now I'm dealing with that."
"So walk away now while it's easier. It's sucky as f**k, but in the long run, you're better off being away from someone playing games behind your back and lying about their love." - ytrthnu
"She crossed a big line, and you need to straight up talk to her about this."
"For real, the hypocrisy is what makes this so much worse than just the texts themselves… You’re definitely not overreacting; the fact that she down and tried to hide the evidence once she realized you were watching says everything you need to know about her integrity here." - velvetlag21
"I'm so sorry, dude. I don't know what your personal best way to deal with this kind of heartbreak is, but I highly recommend distracting the f**k out of yourself."
"Don't think about it whatsoever, don't think about her whatsoever. Put all your focus into something you enjoy or into your friends or into whatever else you can."
"But make sure one of the things you do is LEAVE her." - maneo
"Yeah, sorry, my boy; she's cheating on you. She immediately condemns the other friend, because she's doing it herself."
"If she were innocent, she would have said no big deal with the fact that she condemns her friend says a lot. And the fact that she immediately disconnected and removed them confirms that, as far as I'm concerned."
"Not to mention her telling him how bad she misses him. That should be something she should be sending you, don't you think?"
"You can wait for her to get back to talk, but just know that she probably isn't waiting. I personally would tell her right where she's at and be done with it." - rageinxs
Others agreed and pointed out that her disconnecting the accounts was a sure sign that she was being unfaithful and trying to hide it.
"You are not overreacting. Her immediate cover-up proves she knew she was cheating." - CornguzzlingCat
"The hypocrisy is the part that really stands out here; it’s not just the texts it’s judging someone else for the exact same thing while doing it herself." - AffectionateRate4812
"Even if she hides everything, deletes everything, he knows what he saw. She can deny it all she wants, but that doesn't make it any less true. SHE knows what he's saying is true."
"They're not getting a divorce or figuring out child support or alimony. They're breaking up."
"The person who lied/betrayed knows what they did; confronting them with screenshots doesn't change a thing."
"You can break up for whatever reason you want to. Screenshots are useless and also easily faked. Nowadays screenshots prove nothing anyway." - laufsteakmodel
"NOR. Just message her back that she logged out of everything too late and you saw her messages and she is a hypocrite. Tell her her bags will be packed for when she gets back from Japan." - Jpalm4545
"NOR. The 'how' is easy; call her back, and tell her you saw something on the Mac, and ask if she has anything to say. Or send a text that just says, 'I saw it,' and let her dig her own grave."
"I won't say it won't suck, but right now, you are in the relationship limbo, because you are not sure if it is over or not because you are hoping that she might be able to explain it, but at the same time you know it's already over at this point."
"Also, is she not in Japan with the dude right now? Like, how 100% are you that she is in fact with her family and not him at all?"
"I think you need to meet with a good friend and let them know what is going on, get out of the house, and honestly just accept that your relationship will probably be over after all of this." - beckbristow32
"The best thing OP could do right now is call her out on what she did. I don’t care that she’s out of the country."
"He shouldn’t sit on this until she’s back. Tell her he knows everything because he saw it on her Mac."
"Then she can scramble and figure out what she’s going to do when she’s home. She deserves to have the rest of her trip ruined." - Beautiful-War2144
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a brief update in the comments.
"Thank you, everyone, for your opinions."
"I called her and asked her what’s going on, and she explained everything."
"She said sorry for the emoji stuff and that he is an old friend who is currently not in Japan and couldn’t come to the group meeting, so it’s fine."
"I trust her, and she apologized, so for me, it’s okay."
But Fellow Redditors were not convinced.
"NTA. However, her 'explanation' doesn't even make sense. It's not about whether the guy is currently in Japan or not."
"The issue is that she's a hypocrite, and you're accepting bad treatment because you don't want to break up with her."
"The facts:"
"Y'all agreed that using those types of emojis isn't allowed"
"She used them AND discussed the possibility of meeting up with them again in Germany."
"When you brought up the issue passively, she tried to make Hannes look bad when she's just as bad, and worse, because she's lying."
"She realized she got caught and deleted the evidence, or at least hid it from you."
"But enjoy this relationship for as long as it lasts, I guess. I don't send anything related to kiss/romantic emojis to my guy friends..." - AylaCars
"You're so naive. She already cheated with him. Just dump her. Have some dignity, bro." - cool4y1
"Holy wow. I can't believe that you're buying that hook, line, and sinker. D**n."
"She said she wants to meet up in Japan, and told him to come visit in Germany. I'm sure WITHOUT you present."
"You're 30 years old, grow a spine and actually confront her, even if you simply tell her to stay in Japan and that she can have him." - RiderPrime
"Oh phew!! I thought she quickly went and disconnected because something nefarious was happening!! Good thing you cleared it up!!! 1,000% trust restored!!"
"(This is sarcasm, by the way. She's playing you. You deserve better.)" - jumanjiz
"How do you have over a hundred people telling you that you’re being a gullible fool and you choose to ignore all of them? Congratulations on having 0 respect for yourself."
"You know she’s cheating on you. But I guess she can do whatever she wants and get away with it because you’ll just believe anything she says. You're wrapped around her finger, and it’s sad." - SlyAugust
Even if the OP wanted to believe his girlfriend had the best intentions, the subREddit was certain that there was something much worse happening and that he needed to be honest with himself.
If she was going to be unfaithful and lie about it when the evidence was right in front of them, the relationship really needed to be over, so the OP could meet someone who deserved him.
