Family reunions are quite the undertaking.
So many people from different places—who may or may not even know each other that well—have to gather in the same place.
The logistics must be a nightmare, not to mention the potential emotional weight of it all.
So one Redditor found herself struggling to make a decision about her partner’s upcoming reunion. She discussed all the details in a post on the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), who’s since deleted their account, offered a glimpse into the dynamics of her tough decision in the post’s title. Â
“WIBTA [Would I Be The A**hole] for not showing up to a family reunion because my partner and I were put in separate rooms?”
OP kicked off by painting a picture of a thriving extended family.Â
“My partner (23-year-old male) and I (25-year-old female) were invited to a family reunion a few months ago (about 5 months from the event).”
“This is a regular event for his maternal side of the family (held every other year), where they rent an absolutely massive house and everyone stays together.”
“While the destination is of little interest to us, we agreed because we knew it would make his mother and the rest of the family happy.”
And as OP explained, that was not small decision.
“Financially we were not supposed to contribute to the living arrangements, but there is some financial commitment (about 1k) involved in boarding our dog and prepping a car for a long drive.”
“In addition, my partner gets very limited time off work and has been working full time, going to school full time, and participating in another time intensive obligation for several months.”
“In other words – we aren’t going to be able to travel again for a while with his hectic schedule, so this is our only vacation for probably the next 6-9 months.”
Then a major new variable was introduced.Â
“A few weeks back, ~2 months from the trip, his mother dropped a bomb – all the married couples would be bunked together, and the unmarried couples would be roomed with other unmarried partners of the same gender.”
“His mother was well aware that we would not be pleased with this, as I’m very anxious/introverted and do not like the idea of not having a ‘safe’ living space where I can retreat when I’m overwhelmed.”
OP wan’t inclined to give her mother-in-law the benefit of the doubt.Â
“I suspect that she waited until we had already committed to drop this piece of information on purpose, knowing that it would put us between a rock and a hard place.”
“If we go, I spend the 2 weeks in a situation I find very uncomfortable, separated from my partner, on our only vacation for a long while.”
“This vacation also overlaps with our 3 year anniversary, which upsets us both.”
But there were other things to weigh too.Â
“If we don’t go, his family will absolutely know why we backed out – there’s no excuse we can offer that gets us out scot free.”
“Since we’re not paying for the lodging, I know we have no grounds on which to disagree with this decision, and I don’t think I’d want to deal with the confrontation regardless.”
“It’s also worthy of note that I suggested renting a separate place, and my partner’s exact words were ‘they would outright disown us for that.’ ”
“His family will be mad if we back out now, but I’m not sure this is worth our time, energy, and money to invest in. WIBTA for backing out?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
A hefty majority of Redditors sided with OP, calling her not the a**hole.Â
“List time!”
1 “You’ve been together for 3 years.”
2. “You have anxiety and need private space for your mental health.”
3. “You have limited time off”
4. “There are serious financial obligations to making the trip”
“Don’t waste your only vacation in 9 months on 2 weeks of misery, just because the room (that you don’t want to stay in!) is paid for Boyfriend needs to tell mom that those sleeping arrangements do not work for either of you. Full stop. NTA” — sepher32
“False, you have plenty of grounds”
“You are paying money to be able to go on this trip therefore you are financially invested and should be able to enjoy it”
“Truthfully there is little difference between a married couple and an unmarried couple, the only real differences are a piece of paper and some legal crap, however none of that makes a relationship any stronger, there is no real difference” — JudgeJed100
“NTA Why can’t they know why you want to back out? They do not own your free time and you are absolutely within your rights to ask the same deal married couples get. It is time to stand up for yourselves!” — coconutandpotato
Others kept their responses even more to the point.Â
“NTA. Go on your own vacation. Don’t let these people ruin your time together, your anniversary and the free time you’ll finally get. Don’t worry about their feelings when they so clearly don’t care about yours.” — NiglaTesla
“NTA. Fu** that. I wouldn’t go either. You’re both adults. What is this, bible camp?” — queerhoneybee
“Clearly NTA, back out! That rooming concept is disrespectfull. You can use this time better.” — Alert_Sorbet4016
“NTA at all. you both took 2 weeks off and have your 3rd anniversary. separated rooms… fuck that. you want to have the boom boom. if you go, you could fu** infront of everybody, just to piss them off.” — LaDolfBall
“NTA. At all. You’re an adult and they’re treating you like a child or at the very least pushing their views onto you. Don’t put yourself in this situation. His family will only learn that they can continuously disrespect you and your relationship if you give in here.” — Dedicatedlamp
“2 weeks of being controlled… You both up for that? NTA. Don’t go and tell them truthfully why.” — Thatnonbinarymum
So it looks like OP will have to find a new, more enjoyable way to spend that weekend.