Many people confuse sexism with “tradition.” Judging and slut shaming women is not acceptable.
Even if you are family.
Redditor Ok-Mine-2000 encountered this very issue with his friend. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for not telling my mate his sister has an Only Fans?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Me[22m] and my mate [22m] have been friends since we were kids and have always been really tight. We’re pretty open with each other and there aren’t any secrets in our friendship up until now.”
“Not gonna lie, he’s the golden child of his family and receives a bunch of support from his parents. His sister is 21f and she cops it bad. They treat her like sh*t.”
“Her and I get along well, she’s like the annoying little sister but we’re cool and get along.”
Then, OP discovered something.
“About a month ago ago I was on OF because reasons. I came across a profile and clicked on it.”
“Didn’t recognize the name or anything but when I looked at the pics I saw a tattoo I DID recognize that belonged to my mate’s sister ‘Belle.’ There were also other identifying features.”
“I shit myself and instantly clicked off the profile. She’s got a fake name on there but there were a few things that identified her.”
OP was upfront with Belle.
“I never would’ve clicked on her profile if I’d known it was her and I wanted to I guess respect her right to be anonymous on the website. I thought about things for a few days and eventually messaged her the following with the intention of helping her out:”
“‘Hey (Belle), this is really awkward for me and I hope you understand that I’m coming from a place of concern rather than anything else. I came across your OF the other day when at first I didn’t know it was you. I clicked off once I realized.”
“Just a heads up, I could identify you from your tattoos and (other detail) and I’d hate for your anonymity to be compromised if you continue to post since you have a fake name and all. I’d suggest blurring out these features but if you’re not bothered by this then keep doing what you’re doing, just thought I’d touch base to be safe.”
“I hope you’re doing well and again, I hope you understand that I’m just looking out for your safety. See you soon!'”
Belle was grateful.
“She replied and was thankful that I pointed that out. She thought her tattoos and other features weren’t unique enough to identify her and she told me that she’ll make a change. I saw her a couple days later at a party and she gave me a hug and things are back to normal.”
“Fast forward, somebody else identified her and had been collecting images from before I messaged her up until now. They sent them to her parents.”
“Nobody knows who this person is, they remained anonymous. Belle’s parents ripped into her and my mate went on a huge rant on Facebook, calling her all kinds of names.”
“I didn’t comment anything other than, ‘You need to loosen up, mate’ but a lot of our friends are on his side saying that they’d be ashamed if she was their girl.”
“He came over for a few drinks and began to unload on me.”
“I didn’t really react and just kept telling him to calm down. He asked why I wasn’t so surprised and I shrugged and said that a lot of girls have OF now and that it’s no big deal. Eventually it came out that I knew.”
“I know I should’ve kept my mouth shut, but he was suspicious that I kept defending a ‘slut.'”
“My mates have booted me out of the group chat now and say that I broke bro code.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA I think you did everything 100% right. Whoever sent her pictures to her parents is a MASSIVE a**hole though!” ~ hedgehog_undercut
“I agree with the comment above & I’ve gotta say, I think you handled this situation wonderfully & you should feel nothing but pride for how you responded to everything. It’s unfortunate your friend doesn’t feel the same, but honestly, he doesn’t really sound like the kind of friend you need in your life if he treats his sister this way. Good job OP, & definitely NTA.” ~ SunnyBunnyHopHop
“Yeah I was thinking the same way. I have two big brothers and they are the protective kind, as well as traditional. But never did they say anything like that!”
“They expressed there concern when I did some things and they where annoying (I was the wild, only girl, in the family ) but they where always respectful.”
“Saying that his sister is a slut and other thing like that and going on Facebook to rant is showing an ugly side of him …. Trow him away.” ~ Gobadorgosleep
“NTA OP you handled this the way it should be handled with respect and concern for your friends sister. I agree with the overprotective brother comment, f*ck I could not imagine saying those things about my sister.”
“Again maybe cause I’m gay but a while ago we were drinking, she went home with a guy and texted me the next day being like hey thanks for being cool about that. My response was one you’re an adult and two I’d be a hypocrite if I gave you shit over something I do as well.” ~ gavbuzz
“You should stay friends with Belle and ditch those other losers.” ~ Jazzisa
OP added a conclusion
“Edit: Thanks everyone. It’s a sh*t excuse but I’m a tradie who’s grown up around toxicity towards women both at home and at work so I’m trying to be better than that. It’s good to know that I’ve done the right thing. I’ll reach out to Belle tomorrow and see how she’s going.”
OP did the right thing by defending Belle.