Going into business with a friend is something financial and business publications have a lot to say about.
While they don’t condemn it, they do caution about treating the business as a friendship first and a business second.
Are there steps being skipped or safeguards being eliminated because you’re dealing with a friend?
Those are some of the pitfalls business advisors caution against.
A man who feels taken advantage of by a friend turned business partner turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback on their actions and to ask “Would I Be The A**hole” for taking the next step to sever their relationship.
Different-Truck-3808 asked:
“AITA/WIBTA for cancelling on my friend’s bachelor party and maybe his wedding after he derailed my career and caused me financial hardship?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“‘Mark’ and I have been friends since we were kids, we’ve been in the same industry, working similar roles for 25 years. He started a contracting business in 2016.”
“Four years ago, I brought him in as a vendor at the Fortune 500 where I was working. Mark’s business grew rapidly (5x employees and 10x revenue in a short time) due to this.”
“He’d often asked me to come work with him, and in 2023 when he was overwhelmed and needed help, he convinced me to be his partner. The role was Director of Operations, I’d run things; he’d grow the business.”
“My compensation included earning equity in the business. I left my secure job of 5 years, with stock options, 401k match, etc… based on this offer. I emphasized my need for stability, knowing replacing the job that I left behind would take a long time and a lot of effort.”
“For two years, I worked 60+ hr weeks, traveled extensively, while Mark did nothing to grow the business. He was hard to reach and often missed meetings.”
“His leadership was a complete disappointment. When I saw he wasn’t holding up his end, I tried to secure new customers and projects, but he rejected every opportunity.”
“This year, he’s refused to take on new projects with existing customers to the point that we’ve lost all of our employees. Last Friday, he called saying he had decided to completely shut down the business.”
“My email access was cut off, and Monday I was offered 2 weeks severance and nothing for my earned share of the company. The letter states that my role has been eliminated due to ‘downsizing and streamlining’.”
“I now think the promise of ownership was all a lie to convince me to run his business. His lies and actions have derailed my career and put me in a position of financial hardship.”
“He won’t answer my questions in text or email and insists that I call him, but I want a paper trail.”
“I was in Mark’s first wedding and am a groomsman in his 2nd wedding this July. I cancelled the ‘bachelor party’ fishing trip.”
“AITA? WIBTA if I also drop out of the wedding?
“I’m too hurt by his betrayal to stand with him and pretend this is OK.”
“To recap, my friend of 35 years got me to quit my stable job for a partnership with promised equity. He didn’t grow the business, shut it down suddenly, ignored the equity, and laid me off with minimal severance. Now I’m questioning being in his wedding after canceling the bachelor party fishing trip.”
“AITA? WIBTA if I skip the wedding?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“Cancelled on attending the bachelor party. Considering canceling my role in the wedding.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not and would not be the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. He’s not a friend, and you need to stop calling him that. Walk away from this man and stop investing in the relationship because he’s shown you exactly who he is and what he thinks of you.”
“If he insists on phone calls, either record the conversations or get a witness or two to listen in.”
“Hopefully, you had a contract or some sort of documents in writing you can show a lawyer. If he closes down the business, he doesn’t just get to transfer the money to his personal bank account. I also wonder if his ex-wife might be able to help you in some way.”
“Good luck finding a job.” ~ lilolememe
“Definitely NTA, You already been hurt by his actions, and pretending everything’s fine for his wedding is just more of the same.”
“It’s time to protect yourself and stop investing in that toxic relationship. It’s hard to call him a friend when he’s done so much to mess up your career and finances.”
“Skipping the wedding is a form of self-care, not betrayal.” ~ ConsequenceCold11
“We lost a significant amount of money that we loaned to a ‘friend’ to help his business. We believed he was honest. Ha! Guy died, and the truth came out.”
“Never saw a dime of the money, and we were not the only one screwed by him (one guy was hit way worse than us).”
“Never work for or loan money to a friend. When it goes bad, it just destroys your faith in friendship.” ~ Shoddy-Reception2823
“NTA, and YWNBTA. He basically disrespected you and lowkey messed up your career. I feel like that’s enough to refuse to be his friend at all, let alone be in his wedding.” ~ Reddit
“NTA thats not a friend, that is a snake. Have you talked with a lawyer about this? It basically sounds like he took the money and ran.” ~ Shy_guy_Ras
“Forget about the wedding. This guy is NOT your friend. I agree with another commentator, you should check your contract, texts, agreements and possibly be looking at suing him.” ~ Totallynaturalvibes
“NTA for not joining his wedding. But to be honest, you made the choice to quit your job and join your friend’s business.”
“You didn’t know his working style, and since it was his business initially (and I’m assuming it still is) he can shut shop whenever he wants. Maybe he’s a lazy guy who never wanted to work.”
“Same is for corporate, you may work in a successful corporate but may hate your boss for the person they are. So to be honest, he didn’t really cause your downfall. You made a choice, and it didn’t work out well.” ~ PsychologicalMap3012
“It comes down to the 3 types of people you meet in life:”
“1. Those who help you in times of need.”
“2. Those who leave you in times of need.”
“3. Those who put you in times of need.”
“Sounds like your friend is 2 and 3!” ~ Neo1881
“NTA, but, ohhhh… I would attend the wedding, AND I would hold a speech.”
“A speech about friendship, trust, reliability, integrity and everything else he lacks.”
“But I’m petty as duck, so…” ~ Pretend-Pint
“Attend the wedding. Make a speech. A detailed speech. Make sure you have handouts for any guests who want to learn more.”
“Guests love a memorable wedding. It’s time to do your part.” ~ TinyNiceWolf
“NTA. But, ‘I now think the promise of ownership was all a lie’—wow, you are only NOW beginning to think that‽‽”
“He screwed you over ruthlessly and you think there’s a chance that YOU are the a**hole? I hope for your sake you really aren’t this clueless.” ~ Deep-Okra1461
“Sucks about your former friends, sucks about financial hardship. In terms of your career though, I bet you’ve learned a heap, you’ve run a business!”
“I’m sure you solved loads of problems and developed as a leader. The difficulty might be translating those skills and experiences into a resume and perhaps your previous career, but they are extraordinarily valuable.”
“Best of luck! P.S. Can you start a new business and pick up a lot of the work? Sounds like you will have all the relationships.” ~ ibfukkvdfi
“NTA. You can’t possibly support this marriage, having seen how Mark treats contractual and moral obligations.”
“If you have any legal options to go after him, consider doing so. He really needs to get used to the idea that actions have consequences.” ~ SpiritedLettuce6900
“NTA, but stay part of the wedding and at the reception propose to make a toast, then tell your story, wish his bride the best of luck with this louse, put down your glass, and walk out.” ~ AsburyParkRules
The OP provided an update:
“I appreciate all the thoughtful responses and feedback, even from those who disagree with my actions. I recognize my own responsibility in accepting the role, I could’ve made better choices along the way. I’m not claiming to be perfect here.”
“And yes, there’s a contract outlining the ownership, and I’m working with a lawyer to go over everything. I left those details out because of the character limit (the original post was over 6k) and that’s not the point of this post, I did that over at the r/legaladvice subReddit.”
“Someone suggested I go to the wedding and give a speech, which is…a thought, but not gonna happen. Instead, I think it would be hilarious to fly a banner with a QR code linking to this post. Thoughts?”
A good rule in all relationships is to never accept behavior from friends, family, or significant others that you wouldn’t tolerate from a stranger.
In OP’s case, if his former Fortune 500 boss treating him this way would end their personal relationship, his so-called lifelong friend doing it should be equally unacceptable.