Ah, the joys of owning a garage. Originally added to homes to store vehicles—replacing carriage houses and stables for horses—many become spots to store "stuff."
And it's not always the garage owner's stuff.
Adult children, extended family, and friends can all end up taking up space in a person's garage. Getting anything stored in a garage back out again, however, can be a major undertaking.
A person dealing with garage storage issues—and squirrels—turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
SpecialistPie1037 asked:
"AITA for throwing out my friend's couch after it sat in my garage for 3.5 years, even though I said she could only store it for two weeks?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"In 2019, a friend asked if she could store a couch in my garage. It had belonged to her late father, and they were clearing out his house."
"I said no."
"My garage is small. One car and barely any extra room. It isn't insulated, it leaks, and squirrels basically have squatter rights."
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"I don't store anything there on purpose. I also told her that people always say they'll 'pick it up soon', and then never do. Somehow the person doing the favor becomes the villain."
"She kept pushing. I offered options: – Rent a storage unit – Get a U-Haul, take the couch home, and have her kids drive up and get her car – Leave it at her dad's and take the risk"
"Her niece even borrowed a trailer to bring it to me. All that, just to keep it out of her siblings' hands."
"I finally said yes, but I was crystal clear. Two weeks. After that, I could do whatever I wanted with it."
"She said absolutely. Her kids would be there that weekend to pick it up."
"They never came."
"I called a few times that first year."
"'Oh yeah, we'll come get it'."
"Crickets."
"In one of my 'please get your couch' calls, she said, 'I'm a Sagittarius. We're not good at this stuff'."
"I'm still not sure what that has to do with picking up your couch."
"I tried again in year two. Same story. After that, I gave up. She never once brought it up on her own."
"Around year three and a half, I had construction work happening. The crew backed a trailer into the garage and accidentally crushed the couch."
"When we looked closer, it was already moldy and torn apart by squirrels."
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"The workers felt bad. I told them not to worry. It had been sitting there for years."
"We even discussed whether I should tell her. Everyone agreed there wasn't much point. She hadn't mentioned it in over three years."
"So I didn't."
"Fast forward to this year—now year six. I mention I'm cleaning out the garage and she casually says, 'Oh, I need to come get that couch'."
"Me: 'It's gone. The squirrels got it'."
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"Her: "What?'."
"Me: "Yeah. The garage isn't insulated. They love it in there'."
"Her: "I had no idea'."
"Me: "You did. You just forgot. And I said two weeks'."
"She hasn't spoken to me since. Unfriended. Full stop."
"Meanwhile, I lived around that couch. I broke my toe on it. I had to work around it constantly. I paid to have it hauled away. It took up space I didn't have for three and a half years. The first time she brought it up was in year six."
"So I'm really asking: Should I have told her back when it got ruined, even though she hadn't asked about it in years?"
"At year six, should I have just said 'sure, come get it' and played along, even though I doubt she would have?"
"Or was this always going to end the same way, no matter what I did?"
"AITA?"
The OP summed up their situation.
"Friend asked to store her dad's couch 'for two weeks'. I said no, then agreed with a firm limit."
"She left it for 3.5 years. Couch was destroyed. I tossed it and didn't tell her. She finally mentioned it in year six. Now she's upset."
"I didn't tell her the couch got destroyed at 3.5 years, even though she left it with me for 'two weeks'. She never brought it up, and I didn't want to be the one to deliver bad news."
"Maybe I should've told her once it was gone—or at least said 'sure, come get it' at year six and let the charade continue. I'm wondering if my silence made me the a**hole."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors unanimously decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. Your friend is an ungrateful flake. She did you a favor by cutting off contact." ~ Allaboutbird
"Seriously! It's like she ghosted the couch and the friendship, then popped back up acting like it was still 2019. Honestly, dodged a bullet wrapped in upholstery." ~ raymondviajsi98
"OP you're overthinking while clearly your friend isn't thinking about you or your friendship at all. It's clear you did everything you could whilst she did nothing. You were more invested than she was. Invest in better friends. NTA." ~ PlasticLab3306
"I would have laughed in this person's face, except it never would have got to that point. After a month I would have said it was going out with the next month's garbage, and then I would have followed through." ~ Winter_Gate_6433
"NTA. That couch was legally abandoned long ago. If she makes noise, charge her storage fees for 3.4 years of the time." ~ LouisV25
"Ya, I would have told her it got ruined as I was handing her the bill for having it hauled to the dump then said you're welcome for storing it for free for the last 3 years." ~ LeoMSt
"NTA. She became the a**hole at 'I'm a Sagittarius. We're not good at this stuff'."
"You did nothing wrong, although I would have been a bit firmer early on."
"If I'd been dealing with OP's friend, it would have been that remark that would make me think to myself, 'I'm dealing with a complete flake here. Remind me why this person is my friend? Time for their couch to go. If their friendship goes with it, too bad', and issued the ultimatum."
"Rather than waiting for her kids to come and get it, I'd have issued one final ultimatum, one month in: 'We're already two weeks past the deadline you agreed to. Tomorrow, it's going out of my garage onto the front lawn. Your kids can come and pick it up, or not, I don't really care. If it's not gone three days after that, I'm sending it to the dump'."
"You wrote, 'She hasn't spoken to me since. Unfriended. Full stop'. Problem solved." ~ ThisWillAgeWell
"NTA. You aren't obligated to store her property indefinitely, and it's reasonable to dispose of the property after a reasonable time and after you have clearly contacted her about the issue. You did this in good form and in a polite manner." ~ MACRS_or_Break
"NTA, you're too good of a friend. You said two weeks, and you let it lapse over 182. You gave her more than plenty of notice."
"Next time do yourself the favour and chuck it after the agreed upon time is done. If the only thing she was friends with you for was storing her crap, she wasn't a good friend anyway." ~ fIumpf
"NTA. 6 years! the couch would have be infested by now in the garage."
"I would have given them 24 hours after it arrived, or it would be sold, donated, or taken to a dump. They never had permission to place it there for months, let alone years." ~ Swimming-City-5001
"Your use of the word 'friend' is awfully generous. Her only response should have been a big apology."
"The fact that she thought it was okay to use you for free storage for YEARS is actually insane."
"If she's gone friends-off over this, send her an invoice for storage and removal. NTA." ~ apothekryptic
"NTA but I think you missed the easy solution. 'All that, just to keep it out of her siblings' hands'."
"After the pickup date, tell her she has one week to pick it up. If she doesn't, you're contacting the siblings to see if anyone wants it and will come get it."
"If not, it's going to the dump, and you'll Venmo her for the cost. When being a good friend doesn't motivate, perhaps spite will." ~ ApprehensiveBook4214
"NTA - she's the saggiterrorist." ~ LuckySection446
"NTA. You did your part, and way more. She didn't do hers. How it played out was exactly how you told her it would play out: the squirrels got it. Oh well." ~ ScarletNotThatOne
"It was going to end that way no matter what. She's not a good friend or a reasonable person if she's blaming you. NTA."
"YTA to the squirrels. Where are they living now‽‽" ~ No-Sea1173
The OP offered a brief update:
"The squirrels moved to a mid-century bird feeder in the neighbor's yard."
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We love a happy ending.
This friendship may be over, but at least the squirrels are OK.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.