Most of us at some point have had an agreement with a friend to take turns paying for meals together, or to split the cost of a friendly get-together.
While that can be fine, sometimes it causes more harm than good, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Brief_Ration_119-23 was recently out with a friend and thought they had a good time, only to find out that the friend thought that they had to spend too much on ice cream.
But since they had spent much more on their brunch prior, the Original Poster (OP) was confused about their friend’s complaint.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for ordering two scoops of ice cream when it was my friend’s treat?”
The OP recently had a fun day with a friend.
“Last weekend after brunch, my friend and I wanted some ice cream, so we went to the shop.”
“She told me to order whatever I wanted, and that it was on her.”
“I ordered 2 scoops of ice cream with different flavors, which turned out to be around $5.”
“We paid and genuinely had a great time (or so I thought).”
Their friend didn’t seem to think so, however.
“Later that day, she texted me and basically said I had no manners.”
“She said that I should learn to not order the most expensive items when someone was treating me.”
“(But it wasn’t the most expensive, there were other items like three scoops of ice cream and milkshakes that were more expensive.)”
The OP was surprised.
“I was dumbfounded because:”
“1. when I am treating someone, I usually let them order whichever items without telling them to hold back.”
“2. I was the one who treated her to sushi (brunch) that day. She ordered more dishes than I did, since I’m just ok with raw fish, and the bill was more than $100. Therefore, I thought it was ok for me to order the two flavors of ice cream I wanted.”
“I told her my points of view, but she told me that she didn’t eat as much as she wanted because I was paying. Therefore, I shouldn’t, too.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some recommended splitting each bill based on what each person ate.
“She didn’t eat as much as she wanted but she still managed to get through over $50.”
“Suggest that in future each pays their own bill. No trading and no splitting.”
“NTA.” – BikingOtter
“NTA, I’d texted her back, ‘You’re so right. Let’s just agree to pay for what we ate then so we are on even footing. I’ll Venmo you $5 for the ice cream I ordered and you Venmo me the $ for what you ordered at sushi. That way we both pay for what we are and no one feels taken advantage of. And in the future, we will always just pay our own way if we hang out again.'”
“I have no doubt her multiple orders at a sushi restaurant will come out to more than $5 dollars.” – Specialist_Point1980
“NTA. Send her a Venmo request for the amount you spent on her lunch, minus the ice cream. Do a detailed list with tips included.”
“Tell her that since she felt that your orders should have been small, you can just both pay each other back so neither of you feels taken advantage of!”
“See what she says then! Bet money she is just cheap!” – Individual-Fuel1177
“NTA. I’d ask to be reimbursed for her meal and in turn, you’ll reimburse her for your ice cream.”
“If she’s not a crazy person, she’ll acknowledge you spent much more on her than she did you and apologize.”
“If not, I’d drop her as a friend.” – Dewziq
“Your friend is the AH for telling you to get what you want. So they expect you to pay for their expensive taste but can’t pay $5.00 for you to have ice cream. Don’t treat your friend anymore.” – Brandie1313
“NTA. If your friend isn’t able or willing to spend 5 dollars on you, then they shouldn’t offer to invite you. Additionally, if she did have an issue with paying for your order she should’ve told you at that moment. It’s not hard to say, ‘Hey sorry, I thought you’d only get one scoop, I wasn’t really planning on paying for two.'” – throwwaway0677
“For the cost of a sushi brunch, your ‘friend’ revealed herself to be a psycho. All in all, a good deal to rid yourself of rubbish.”
“I’d transfer her $2 for the 2nd scoop and make the details/message to ‘never contact me again.’ Then block her.” – Clatato
“So you paid $100 for brunch, mostly because of her choices. She paid, let’s say $10, assuming she matched your ice cream desires. And she’s angry with you for choosing what you like, after telling you to choose what you like?”
“You need better friends.”
“NTA.” – Ladygytha
Others agreed but said all bills should be separate in the future.
“NTA. How does she know that you didn’t actually want three scoops? In the future, don’t accept if she offers to treat and don’t treat her. She makes it way too difficult.” – Rosered936
“NTA. You guys split by what you eat from now on. She can’t handle this maturely.” – PM_yourAcups
“NTA and your friend sucks. Go dutch from now on if you do anything with her. It sounds like she will always find a way to make someone else the bad guy.” – chuckinhoutex
“NTA and she sounds horrible. I would not treat her to anything any more and if she offers, decline it. You can each pay for your own food. This will save you tons of money.” – crazycatlady45325
“NTA. I’d point out that you spent more on her brunch. Like, ‘Hey, you ate double what I did, and I didn’t complain. Next time, let’s just get separate checks and each lay our own way!!” – Bubbly-Kitty-2425
“NTA. Don’t buy this person lunch again. If you wanna continue this friendship split everything half-half because they don’t have a concept of generosity or treating their friends.”
“The fact that she’s upset you ordered five dollar ice cream versus you spending over $100 sushi lunch, paying for her is mind boggling to me.” – Zookeeper-007
“NTA but Wow your friend is a huge petty AH. You pay $50 (half brunch) 100 and she pays $5 for your ice cream and she’s complaining? Is there something actually wrong with her?”
“Tell her YOU didn’t eat as much as you wanted because she was paying. Tell her you wanted a banana split with extra sauce but you held back.”
“And, for future, NEVER treat, or be treated by this person again. She doesn’t get it.” – notquiteright519
“I’m going to come out and say everything sucks and you’re NTA.”
“In any situation where generosity is given it is best to read the room. If someone is taking you out to lunch see what they order and you order something of equivalent price. Steak joint and gifter orders a $50 steak you can do same. Steak joint and gifter orders a $13 burger you do the same.”
“Should friend have ordered excess sushi? No. Because you did not.”
“Should you have ordered a double cone if friend did not? No.”
“OP I wouldn’t feel guilty about anything and you need a new friend. Friend broke the gratuity covenant so for them to get pissed is improper.” – KrispyKreme725
But a few didn’t think hanging out anymore was a good idea at all.
“NTA and I don’t keep cheap friends around. I mean, it’s kind of an inconvenience to ask to treat if you don’t really mean it, because you could have just for your own d**n ice cream. What a weirdo.” – sleptlikes**t
“NTA what kind of petty and weird rationality is your ‘friend’ even on? Don’t do anything in which money is exchanged in any way with her in the future.” – Snoo_59080
“NTA. Your friend is unreasonable. Good thing you’re finding this out now. Don’t expect her to be reasonable with important matters.” – BackIn2019
“Your friend is b**ching about an extra $2 spent on ice cream after you bought her sushi? I’m sorry but she’s a terrible, no good, awful friend. Dump her and don’t look back. NTA.” – psatty
The subReddit was as confused about this one as the OP was, especially given the fact that they had already paid for a fairly substantial sushi brunch, followed by an affordable ice cream.
If the OP were to maintain this friendship, the subReddit firmly suggested staying away from offering to pay for anything for the friend anymore, or to accept their offerings to buy something for the OP. Going with entirely separate checks, for everything, would be far simpler, and strange conversations like this one could be avoided in the future.
But, the subReddit also hesitated on this point, because this is one of those situations that was weird enough that ending the friendship over it would not be an inflammatory reaction. Because honestly, arguing over a $5 ice cream after $100 of sushi feels like more trouble than it’s worth.