It's always exciting when a friend or family member comes for a visit.
Even if the visit also brings a fair amount of stress, you still have to get everything prepared for them.
Then, in some cases, the excitement of the visit takes no time at all to dampen when the visitor shows no gratitude or appreciation for our hospitality.
A friend of Redditor Ok-Cauliflower-619 was recently going through a hard time and asked to stay with the original poster (OP).
While the OP was initially happy to welcome this friend into their home, they quickly regretted their decision.
Eventually coming to the decision that this would be the first and last time this particular friend ever stayed in their home.
Wondering if this was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to host a friend again?"
The OP explained why their home was now off-limits to a friend from the past:
"Over the weekend, an old friend came to visit and stayed with my family for a few days."
"We first met 17 years ago when we were both single, and despite living in different states, we kept in touch, mostly through social media and seeing each other about once every five years."
"Recently, she began going through a divorce and asked if she could stay at my place. It was her first time staying with us."
"Before she arrived, I set clear expectations."
"I explained that my schedule as a lawyer running my own practice, combined with my kids’ school drop-offs and pick-ups, meant our routine is packed and would limit what we could do."
"She assured me that was fine."
"The day she flew in, I couldn't pick her up due to school pick-up, so I offered to pay for her Uber, which she accepted."
"The first evening went well."
"My husband usually cooks weekday dinners since he gets home before me and I’m busy with work and the kids."
"I take pride in my Mexican heritage, but with my busy schedule, I don't cook Mexican meals during the week, so we eat whatever my husband prepares."
"He’s not Mexican but always cooks an amazing home-cooked meal."
"However, she mentioned she was disappointed we weren’t having Mexican food."
"She is not Mexican and wanted some home cooked Mexican food."
"I apologized and reminded her of my busy work schedule."
"Despite my efforts, her behavior slowly started making me feel uncomfortable."
"To avoid paying for a carry-on bag, she brought only a personal item, which meant she had almost none of her essentials."
"She forgot a charger and spent every day asking to borrow my belongings, ranging from my hair straightener and brush to my makeup."
"The mornings were especially awkward."
"She would walk into my bedroom unannounced to borrow items."
"Because she didn't have a charger, she would walk right over to my side of the bed while I was in it to plug her phone in."
"One morning, she even asked my husband for Q-tips and a bag for her clothes."
"When we went out for drinks, she repeatedly asked to try my drink."
"I reluctantly agreed, but sharing drinks like that made me genuinely uncomfortable and ruined my evening."
"At one point, when the waiter forgot my cutlery, she told me to just use hers."
"I let her know that makes me feel uncomfortable."
"I paid for most of our meals and tried to make her feel as comfortable as possible."
"However, I feel a lot of boundaries were crossed."
"If I were staying with someone to save on accommodation, the least I would do is pay for luggage and bring my own supplies rather than relying on my hosts for everything."
"Now, she wants to visit every six months and expects to stay at my place."
"I have no desire to host her anymore, but I don't know how to bring it up."
"I’ve come to realize that while we were friends in our youth, we have grown into very different people with completely different standards of respect and personal space."
"AITA for being annoyed and a bad host, or was she out of line?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**Hole for refusing to allow their friend to stay in their house again.
Everyone agreed that this friend quickly outwore her welcome, with many surprised they even let her stay once in the first place:
"NTA."
“'Sorry, we’ve realized we can’t host for extended periods of time with our busy schedules. Happy to meet up for dinner the next time you’re in town!'”- BDizzMcNizz
"'Now, she wants to visit every six months and expects to stay at my place. I have no desire to host her anymore, but I don't know how to bring it up'."
"Friend: Hey, I'm coming in on
"You: Oh cool, where you staying? I'll check my calendar maybe we can meet up if not I hope you enjoy your vacay!."
"#travellife"
"NTA."
"Friend: Oh I thought I could stay with you."
"You: Oh, Im sorry you never asked. I think I'm done with Hotel life. Like to keep my space where I can reload ya know."-pottersquash
"You’re a practicing attorney raising school-age children and she expected homemade Mexican food on a weeknight?"
"GTFO with that."
"NTA in any respect."
"The B&B is CLOSED."- Otherwise_Turnip7135
"NTA!"
"Oh my Godddd?"
"Babe this reads like a horror movie."
"Do not ever let that woman back in your house."
"I hope she never gets to eat another tamal in here LIFE!"- magic_snail1888
"NTA."
"Just say no, you have other commitments."
"No need to tell her what they are."
"Just be consistently unavailable whenever she mentions visiting again."
"Give the names of some nice hotels if she likes your area so much."
"She seems very entitled to your hospitality."- 907puppetGirl
"NTA."
"You’re a lawyer with kids and a husband."
"Aren’t you supposed to be an expert with your words and able to say no a million ways?"- Kindly-Might-1879
"NTA."
"'I'm sorry, but based on your last visit, you made it obvious that I am unable to provide the comforts you needed. I wouldn't want to put either of us through that again'."- WaywardHistorian667
"NTA."
"If she's such a good friend then she will understand when you explain that you won't be available for overnight guests every 6 months."
"If she's not, then losing her won't be a big deal."
"Realistically, you should have called out the behavior when it was happening."
"You can't just set a boundary then let people stomp all over it while you stew quietly then somehow expect them to know you're upset."
"Use you words."
"Communicate like an adult."- bmw5986
"NTA."
“'I don’t know how'.”
"Yes, It is uncomfortable, but when she says she is coming (or if she calls to talk about an upcoming visit) you need to TELL her. Either directly ('you cannot stay with us') or less directly ('what hotel will you be staying in')."
"And you should not give a reason she can argue against."
"As in 'it will not work for us', 'our schedule makes it impossible'”.
"And the like."- bkwormtricia
"NTA."
"It's not really about the charger or the drink or the Mexican food request individually, I think it's everything."
"It's that every single one of them required you to give something up so she wouldn't have to plan ahead."
"That's the actual pattern worth naming."- Gloomy_Shine739
"NTA, just say that you can’t host as life is too busy."
"If she presses, say it again ‘sorry, I can’t host. Life is very hectic'."- carlosmurphynachos
"NTA."
"Just lose her number super fast or block it."
"That's like having your annoying 12-year-old sister visit you at Uni without any of the cute sibling vibes."
"Yuck!"- PinkSquiffel
"NTA."
"Some people might be fine with the permeable personal boundaries, but if that's not your thing (it damn sure isn't mine either) then you don't have to put up with that."
"You're not obligated to share your space with anyone, even if you're friends and you love each other."
"Sharing your space is so intimate, and everyone isn't compatible with the flow of your home."
"Nothing wrong in acknowledging incompatibility and figuring out an alternative solution!"
"Also side note, as a Latina, I cringed so hard at her being disappointed in not eating Mexican food at your home."
"Especially after you very bluntly outlined expectations."
"Like, I know some people will say it's flattery and cultural appreciation, but that makes me so uncomfortable."
"Like did you stay with me for my culture or because we're friends and you wanted to see me?"
"Idk if that's just a me thing, I grew up around a lot of micro-aggressions and weird crap in the South so maybe I'm being defensive."
"But that gave me the ick."- Magpiethemystical
We all want to leave our door open for friends who may need some extra love and support.
That being said, when people are kind enough to open their home to us, we should also be respectful of the fact that this is not our home, and we are their guests.
Not to mention that if we choose to stay with a friend instead of finding a hotel, it should be to visit them as much, or more, than to find somewhere to stay.
Regardless of all of this, who on earth considers sharing cutlery normal?
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.