When planning to get married, surely everyone hopes that everything will be perfect and all will be well. It’s especially important when you’re surrounded by loved ones.
One woman was fortunate enough to be planning her own wedding, and celebrating her friend’s wedding, around the same time, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But some of Redditor Inevitable-Tackle-18’s excitement was drained away when her friend changed all of their wedding plans.
Then when she was criticized for reacting negatively to those changes, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was actually in the wrong for feeling hurt.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for uninviting one of my best friends to my wedding?”
One of the OP’s friends distanced herself after getting engaged.
“Early last year, one of my college ‘best friends’ told me that she was getting engaged before she told anyone else knew because she wanted to hire my mom as her wedding planner.”
“A couple of days later, she got engaged and told all of our friends that my mom (a professional wedding planner) would plan her wedding, all good until that point.”
“After a couple of meetings with my mom, Lucy (fictional name of my friend) stopped responding to my mom, and I noticed by a WhatsApp group that she hired all my mom’s vendors directly without even telling us. She chose June 2021 as her wedding date.”
“I let that one go because I didn’t want to ruin her wedding.”
But when her old friend moved her wedding date, the OP had to say something.
“Last November, I also got engaged and chose September 2021 as my wedding date to give our friends some time between the two weddings, especially because mine is out of town.”
“Later on, I found AGAIN BY A GROUP that she had postponed her wedding to the day after mine!”
“Of course, I was furious and I had no problem letting her know that time.”
“She finally contacted me and explained that she had no money for the wedding in June and the day after my wedding was the only available date this whole year in her venue – again, that my mom showed to her (without a contract just because she was my friend).”
“To be honest, I don’t buy it.”
The OP’s friends did not respond well to her reaction.
“But now I’m the a**hole in our friend’s group because I uninvited her and was ‘rude’ to her and ‘it was not her fault because she has no job’.”
“I still feel like she is not the kind of person you call your friend and does not give me the energy I want to have on my wedding day.”
“AITA for this?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were furious on behalf of the OP’s mother’s efforts as a wedding planner.
“NTA”
“Your mom took the time to plan everything for her (as it’s her job), then she just contacted the vendors behind her back. That’s already rude!”
“Also, what was she trying to accomplish by moving the date? Reusing your decorations? Having people come to your wedding and just stay one day longer, so she doesn’t have to cover any costs for guests? I don’t get it.” – No-Jellyfish-1208
“You have to be a s**tty person to do this to any wedding planner, let alone your friend’s mom.” – Farsighted451
“Yep, and then she can try to steal all the designs OP’s mom does for daughter’s wedding.” – Warriormuffinhed
“Your friend was already the TA when she used your mum’s services and then went behind her back. NTA. I’d explain that to your friend group.” – Golfbravo20
“NTA. What kind of friend uses your mother and postpones her wedding and reschedules it a day after your wedding?”
“I would have a hard time maintaining a friendship with someone who used my mother, the rest of it is just icing on the cake” – highwoodshady
Others questioned the friend’s motives with the new wedding date.
“Reminder that OP’s wedding is out of town and NOT at the same venue as the former best friend.”
“If anything, this was a ploy to make the friends choose between which wedding they want to attend, and if they wanted to attend both, they’d have to not have too much fun at OP’s wedding (traveling while hungover surely sucks) and ultimately have to likely leave OP’s wedding early to be able to travel back in time for friend’s wedding.” – Weirdbirdnerd
“I think it’s to make mutual friends pick which event to attend and since OP’s is out of town, they will potentially pick the jerk’s wedding over OP’s since no travel costs. This way they won’t know OP’s wedding was way better than the jerk’s wedding since they will miss it.” – SuperAwesomeWTF
“Yeah, it seems to me this was TOTALLY done on purpose. This supposed ‘friend’ of OP’s is clearly no friend.”
“She took business away from her mom on purpose (I mean that was REALLY dirty and underhanded to do what they did).”
“And then she moved the wedding date clearly on purpose to sabotage OP’s wedding (I mean if she had to move it then why not pick a date a couple of weeks after OP’s? Why did it HAVE to be the day after?).”
“Frankly, OP’s ‘friend’ is definitely not and needs to be voted off the island.”
“NTA OP for sure.” – genxeratl
“What a mess. It’s stressful enough to plan a wedding, now mix in a pandemic, add a touch of entitlement, and here we are. Oh wait, did I say a ‘touch’? Scratch that, make it a boatload.”
“I’d normally say give Lucy some space and see if that doesn’t dislodge her head from her a**, but from what you’re sharing, I doubt that’ll help. Keep her crossed off the guest list.”
“The only a**hole in this is Lucy. OP you are definitely NTA.”
“Hope you have an amazing wedding day free of drama and nastiness.” – SueDohNymn
“NTA”
“This has nothing to do with her not having money or a job. This has to do with her just being an all-around horrible person & worse friend.”
“She stole from your mother, which honestly while I might not have made a big deal, I would have ended our friendship then. Just go no or low contact & be polite to her but nothing more.”
“And she knowingly rescheduled for wedding for the day after hers. She’s sneaky & unethical. I would not be surprised if her plan was to ask you or your mom to give her some of the items from your wedding so she could get a bunch of freebies because flowers & decorations would still be good the next day.” – itscoldouttherebrrr
Sometimes it’s kind to give the benefit of the doubt, but the subReddit was not ready to contribute the friend’s actions here to no money, no job, or wedding jitters. Rather, the general consensus was very much to end the friendship, and to keep an eye on those wedding decorations, even if the weddings were in different towns.