We all like being celebrated.
Birthdays, weddings, and promotions are just some of those moments when the spotlight rightly shines on you.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t share it.
What happens when someone intentionally steals that attention for themselves?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) ChemicalAd2047 when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
He asked:
“AITA for leaving my own wedding early?”
A wedding.
“So I (30m) and my husband (34m) just got married a week ago.”
“We were having a good wedding until the speeches happened.”
Compounding problems.
“Now, I thought it was common sense not to do this, but during the best man’s speech, he decided to propose to his girlfriend. She said yes, and all hell broke loose.”
“From that point on, no one paid attention to me or my husband nor paid attention to the event times.”
“People starting eating early, the speeches were cut short after he proposed, on top of that he got the DJ to play him and his girlfriend ‘their song”‘.
“Which incited a whole bunch of couples to do the same.”
“For about 3 hours, it was just couples running to the DJ to play ‘their song’ and hogging the dance floor.”
“When me and my husband finally got a chance to dance, people were too exhausted and didn’t pay attention. They instead went to eat.”
The party was over.
“After several hours of this, I told my husband I didn’t really want to be here anymore, and he agreed.”
“We ended up leaving. The only person we said goodbye to was our parents. Nobody even noticed we had left.”
“Now, here’s the problem.”
“3 days after the wedding, a cousin of mine asked me when did I leave my wedding, as she never got to say goodbye.”
“I told her we left early because nobody was paying attention nor cared enough to. She said okay and hung up.”
“Now we’ve been getting calls from all our relatives telling us we’re immature and need to lighten up.”
“That we should be happy our wedding made people this romantic.”
OP was left to wonder,
“So AITA?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Lost attention.
“NTA”
“Oh my gosh, that is the worst that could happen on your wedding day.”
“How on earth could they be thinking it’s okay to propose on YOUR wedding day?! Even if you’re so stupid to think that’s okay, you ask the wedding couple!”
“And that they continued to steal the thunder is so not okay.”
“So I get why you left early and that people are calling you that you’re being immature.”
“No, just no.”
“Your wedding day is about you, they should be celebrating you, you are the center of all the attention. Don’t budge in saying you’re okay with it with your relatives.”
“They’re all a bunch of AH.”
“And I’m so sorry this all happened. Is there a way that you could do another special day with your husband and people close to you and have a great day together?”
“Like a small do-over?” ~ Pink_Cloud90
“NTA.”
“It is quite clear that /your wedding/ is supposed to be about/your couple/.”
“It’s celebrating your love, not everyone.”
“Proposing to someone at someone else’s wedding is AH behavior. Why would you steal the attention of the couple? Plus, playing their song… You have every right to be p*ssed off.”
“I hope you can still celebrate somehow at a smaller occasion?”
“And if I were you, I would tell the dude that it was inappropriate.”
“Congratulations anyway!” ~ _cly
The best man wasn’t so good.
“Came to say the same. So he wanted a good engagement party? Well, he can pay for it then.”
“I will never understand people who think this is a good and romantic idea.”
“I would be furious if anyone proposed to me at someone else’s wedding.”
“It’s unoriginal, has no special meaning for our relationship, I would feel pressured, and it’s plain disrespectful to the couple.”
“If you want to propose. Do it at a special place, first kiss place, a restaurant we both love. Our secret place. It’s not hard to think up a place that’s special.” ~ Dangerous-WinterElf
“NTA”
“Send the best man a bill for half the cost of his engagement party.” ~ Garamon7
“I mean, requesting a song at a wedding isn t that big of a deal.”
“Hijacking the multi-thousand dollar party to make it your new engagement party, and doing that by using your wedding toast to the wedding couple to propose to your girlfriend, is absolutely disgusting.”
“He owes them money, not the people requesting songs.” ~ ranchojasper
“NTA.”
“What a selfish best man.”
“I haven’t got a clue why people are this dense, or what goes on in their tiny minds to suggest this is acceptable….and then to play their goddamn song!?!?!”
“Again, NTA at all.”
“You deserve the night you want for your wedding – and if that’s making the best of things by you and your husband heading off, then so be it.”
“It’s no one else’s business & no-one gets to tell you how you feel about things.”
“Sorry, you didn’t deserve this ♥️” ~ greenglossygalaxy
“This x1000.”
“That best man used your party (which cost you plenty, I’m sure) and stole your day.”
“What an A H. It makes me angry just to picture it. Shame on him! You’re NTA, and I’m sorry this happened, OP.” ~ principalgal
“NTA.”
“Best man is the worst, along with everyone else who took over the wedding.”
“Also, the DJ/MC responsible for taking back control of the reception to the couple of honor.”
“I’m sooo sorry that this happened to you guys. Congratulations, and may the rest of your marriage be blessed with love and joy.” ~ Major_Meringue4729
Some felt OP wasn’t wrong, but maybe not right either.
“NTA.”
“BUuuuuT…”
“The only thing I cared about at my wedding was that people had fun. Sounds like your guests had an amazing time.”
“I’m sorry you weren’t the center of attention, but being a good host means ensuring the joy of your guests.”
“You could have had more grace for everyone having a good time.” ~ Purple_Method9301
“NTA – BUT, I have to say that it sounds like a great celebration, and you could have seen this as an amazing party celebrating love and people having a blast.”
“I don’t think the proposal at the wedding was cool.”
“But after that, you can choose to either go with the flow or fight it. It sounds like you were trying to fight it and ended up disappointed – which is understandable.”
“I hope you get to have the small wedding you wish for and can feel better with that celebration.” ~ FionaTheFierce
Or, everyone sucks.
“ESH.”
“He shouldn’t have proposed.”
“But this is the kind of reason you have a DJ and MC.”
“Their job is to get things on track.”
‘“Alright, everyone, we are totally happy for all the couples out there, new couples and those with years of experience.'”
‘”Weddings are all about love and celebrating that. So let’s get back to (insert you guys) and continue to celebrate their love as this is what brought us together today.'”
‘”We have (continuation of speeches, cake cutting… whatever the next thing you had planned)”’ ~ Sunnyok85
Some people were more precise.
“YTA.”
“So your wedding, a celebration of love, was filled with other people feeling love and rekindling their love, and you got mad because you wanted more attention.”
“Super short-sighted.”
“That was probably the best wedding people have been to in a long time. I would be so happy if this happened at mine!” ~ Known_Witness3268
“Yes, YTA.”
“I know I’m in the minority, but I agree with your relatives. I loathe wedding culture, the whole ‘spotlight on us’ way of thinking. You sound like a sulky teenager.”
“Weddings are supposed to be a celebration of love, shared with family and friends.”
“If you weren’t so immature and self-centered, you’d have been happy that people you cared about got engaged at your wedding.” ~ HoshiJones
“I’d say YTA.”
“Sounds like you are a big baby.”
“I get that the wedding was for you, but if everyone is having a great time. Why do you need all the attention? Sounds like this entire generation of people that grew up with social media.”
‘“ALL EYES ON ME!’ Mentality.” ~ Strict_Win305
What about permission?
“NTA, and this is what I will link to explain why it is never okay to propose at someone’s wedding without the enthusiastic consent of both the bride and groom” ~ Past_Nose_491
We all deserve the spotlight every now and then.
To feel loved and celebrated.
The challenge is that sometimes others decide that they deserve the attention or affection more than you do.
Once again, we come back to that lovely “C” word – Consent.
Sharing and theft are separated by whether or not you’ve given permission to the person using your stuff.
Or your spotlight.