One of the many things we wish we had more control over in our lives is our in-laws.
Some people are lucky, getting along with their in-laws as well, if not better, than some of their blood relations.
Others, to put it simply, are not so lucky.
With some even going to great lengths to make sure that their in-laws play as small a part of their lives as possible.
Redditor VegetableSoftware007 was among those who did not have a good relationship with his brother-in-law (BIL).
Making things even more complicated was the fact that the original poster (OP) was fairly well off and wanted his sister to benefit from his good fortune.
What he did not want at any cost, however, was for his BIL to benefit from him in any way, even if doing so ultimately affected his sister.
Having doubts about how to handle things, the OP took to the subReddit “Would I Be The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“WIBTA – Not including sister in trust fund b/c her husband is an a**hole?”
The OP explained why he was contemplating leaving his sister out of his will:
“I am 50’s gay male, I have 4 million net worth mostly in investments.”
“I don’t have children, so setting up a trust fund so that my estate gets split between my two sisters if I were to pass.”
“They are both married.”
“One of my sister’s husbands is a huge a**hole, a snide prick who’s always nasty toward me.”
“Is control freak toward my sister?”
“I have a good relationship with both my sisters, but this one brother-in-law, I don’t want him to benefit at all from my estate.”
“I’m either going to:”
“A) omit him and my sister entirely from my estate?”
“OR:”
“B) put a stipulation in my trust with these conditions:”
“This sister will not immediately get half my estate; instead, it will be held in an investment trust fund for 5 years.”
“During the 5 years, she can receive annual dividends/interest payments but only into an account that is SOLELY in her name.”
“After 5 years, she can receive the full amount of the trust, but only into an account that is SOLELY in her name.”
“Basically, I’m giving my sister the option to divorce him and have the trust entirely to herself if she chooses.”
“5 years should be enough for a divorce if she wants.”
“Instead of immediately giving it to my sister, b/c then her a**hole husband will be entitled to half.”
“I’m not saying she must divorce him in order to get the trust.”
“That is not enforceable by law.”
“I am giving her the power to choose what she wants to do, since she doesn’t have much power in their current marriage.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP would not be the a**hole for excluding his sister from his will.
While not everyone necessarily thought that the OP had exactly given this matter enough thought, or come up with a particularly sound plan, they otherwise understood the OP wanting to ensure his BIL didn’t inherit any of his money:
“NTA.”
“Your attorney approves this?”
“There’s just better ways.”
“We talking 2 million, the interest will produce enough for a conservator who can have to approve any withdrawal/purchase to insure its only for use of sister.”
“If we gonna be petty, let’s be petty!”- pottersquash
“I don’t think B is gonna work the way you think it’s gonna work.”
“Why would that force her to divorce him?”
“She can receive the money in an account that’s solely in her name while still staying married to him.”
“NTA.”- ConflictGullible392
“NTA.”
“It’s necessary.”
“I know of a case where a man left a large amount of money to his niece.”
“Her bf suddenly wanted to get married, and her Mom (who wasn’t that interested in her before) had big plans for it.”
“The money was set up so only monthly amounts could be paid out, and for the first 5 years, the amounts were very modest.”
“She could use it for tuition, but it would be paid directly to the institution, and any refunds had to go back to the trust fund.”
“Suddenly, the bf no longer wanted to get married, and the Mom went back to her own life.”
“It’s your money and well within your right to set up what the money goes to.”
“I totally get why you don’t want it used by someone who isn’t your relative.”
“A financial planner, accountant, or lawyer may be able to help you with ideas.”
“Sometimes you can only do so much though.”- Random_Association97
“NTA.”
“It’s your money, your choice.”
“I would choose option B but maybe longer.”
“Also probably put a clause that any and all property or item, of a certain value, bought by your sister using the money from the trust should be documented as her sole property through your lawyer if possible.”
“So lets say she buys anything over $1000.”
“It should be documented as hers so she cannot gift or buy that for her ‘husband’.”- blu3rthanu
“NTA.”
“I’d go further, stipulate the money only goes to her once she either divorces him or he passes.”
“If in the unfortunate event she passes first, the money goes to an animal shelter.”-adventuresofViolet
“Don’t give her any money.”
“I’m sorry but she will never be the one to keep it, he will force her to give him access to those accounts or he’ll just steal the cards and transfer the money to him.”
“NTA.”- mountain_mists
“NTA.”
“You can leave your money to whoever you want, including charities.”
“You certainly don’t have to leave it for someone who you don’t like/doesn’t like you.”
“Personally, I would make the same stipulation for both siblings.”- harbinger06
“NT,A but you should be speaking with an attorney.”
“This is about as bulletproof as a pillowcase.”- iambecomesoil
“NTA.”
“I don’t think you want to cut out one sister entirely like that, since it seems the only thing she’s done that you don’t approve of, is marrying an AH.”
“If you did, then you would immediately create huge animosity between the sisters.”
“Even if you go with Option B, there would be a lot of hard feelings between the one who got $2M and the one that gets $200K per year, with strings.”
“I know that you don’t approve of the one BIL, but there is no guarantee that the other BIL will be a saint if they come into money.”
“So I would suggest that you set up the trust the same for both sisters, with the same restrictions.”- 1962Michael
“NTA.”
“It’s your money, but unless you are terminally ill, this seems like completely unnecessary drama.”
“If/when she inherits, her husband may no longer be living.”
“Plus, inheritance is considered separate property, so perhaps explaining to her that he has no claim on her assets would be prudent.”
“You could do a generation skipping trust, giving her access to income but not principal, but who’s to say if your nieces/nephews don’t marry a**holes, too?”- AdAgitated8109
“NTA.”
“And you are dead on.”
“Inheritance is not community property until it is put into a joint account.”
“Both sisters need to keep it separate from any account joint with anyone.”
“Also, you can tie it up into a nice vacation property for the family under a trust that can be rented when they are not using it.”
“If all proceeds stay in the trust (goes towards property upkeep), no taxes will ever be paid on the income made from the property.”- MrV8HAHA
“NTA regardless of what you do.”
“It’s your money.”- Reliant20
“NTA.”
“Our wills leave $1.00 to any spouse of our children.”
“Our children get the rest evenly divided.”- FoxyLady52
“NTA.”
“Instead, consider putting it in trust dedicated to your two sisters (and their biological offsprings) medically necessary needs, metal healthcare, vision, and non-cosmetic dentistry.”
“Then you leave a legacy gift that could really help in the worst times of need.”
“Heck, it may give her help when she needs counseling after a divorce.”
“It doesn’t come off as singling out one sister for a crappy spouse.”- GulfCoastLover
“NTA.”
“But what did the husband do to you, and what will 5 years accomplish?”- TheThirteenthCylon
“NTA.”
“But I’d probably go with doing the stipulations to both of your sisters to avoid any potential resentment between the two.”
“Like you said, you don’t have a problem with either sister.”
“Besides you don’t truly know if the other sister has marital problems.”
“They Might just be better about hiding it.”
“If you’re trying to give them autonomy in the case of potential divorce, do it for both.”- Soft-Statistician326
There’s nothing sadder than seeing someone in an unhealthy marriage.
Making it understandable why the OP doesn’t want his money going anywhere near his BIL.
That being said, it might help the OP to think more about the best interests of his sister, as opposed to the worst interests of his BIL.
Thankfully, some legal professionals can help ensure that his sister can inherit his trust fund, and his BIL can be prevented from coming close to it.