Sharing a bathroom with others can be an uncomfortable prospect. Public or otherwise communal restrooms—such as at schools or businesses not accessible by the public—can exert a bit more control.
But at home, rules should be easy to set up and adhere to. Right?
Well…
A man in conflict with his girlfriend over at home bathroom rules turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Then_Task3485 asked:
“AITA for refusing my girlfriend’s request of peeing sitting down in our home?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“Recently, me (male, 24) and my (female, 23) girlfriend moved into a new place together. Everything about living together and the living situation has been great, except when we got into an argument a few days ago about something which I find quite bizarre.”
“She pulled me aside as I was getting ready for bed a few days ago and had a conversation with me, telling me that I needed to stop peeing and standing up. She told me it was gross and that she didn’t want to be stepping all over my waste when she went to the bathroom.”
“Keep in mind we live in a one bedroom, one bathroom studio apartment.”
“Now, yes, I wholeheartedly sympathize with women who have to deal with a**hole men who act like slobs in the bathroom, and I would understand my girlfriend, except I did none of this.”
“No urine got on the seat, floor, or anywhere near it, no smell remained in the bathroom, and I always left the lid down to flush anyway for hygiene.”
“I told her this, but she has refused to listen out and has told me multiple times she doesn’t want me peeing standing up and thinks it’s gross.”
“Now, really, this is my home too. We are splitting the rent, and I think I have every right to piss standing up in my own home and think it’s ridiculous.”
“TMI warning on this one. She’s seen me go several times, whether it’s by accident or we’re both getting ready for work in the same bathroom.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“Not wanting to pee sitting down. It’s gross and a hygiene issue, according to my girlfriend.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors’ general consensus was that standing to pee was a lot messier than the OP thought.
“YTA. I had a different opinion about this until I heard a guy who did a lot of time in prison talk about it.”
“When you pee standing up and it hits the water, it kicks up a certain amount of ‘piss mist’. Small droplets that bounce out.”
“It doesn’t matter how good your aim is or if you wipe the rim after or whatever.”
“It is simply put, less hygienic than sitting down.”
“That really matters when you are in a small concrete cell 24/7 with another adult.”
“A small apartment like yours is more analogous to that cell than you might realize.”
“Have your opinion and preferences, but pick your battles. Is it worth your celly wanting to hurt you because you are stubborn? Is it worth your girl feeling gross and upset, or should you just sit down when you’re home and stand when you’re away?”
“I know which I would pick.” ~ FloridianPhilosopher
“YTA. If she’s asking you bro, it means that you’re just not seeing the piss droplets you’re leaving.” ~ coolsville-sucks
“Yeah, sometimes you don’t necessarily see a visible splatter. But after a few days, the floor around the toilet or on the wall next to it feels sticky, and there’s a distinct pee smell.”
“Many men don’t realize this is happening. But it does, and it’s disgusting. YTA.” ~ Altostratus
“Or she cleaned the toilet for the first time since he moved in and got to scrape off all the lovely dried pee drops from the underside of the seat.”
“OP said he didn’t get any droplets on the seat, meaning he’s not lifting the seat when he pees. Which means that when he’s pissing from standing height, his pee is splashing back all over the underside of the toilet seat and drying into disgusting, smelly, waxy deposits that she gets to scrape off.”
“Ask me (or my husband) how I know. YTA.” ~ Child_of_the_Hamster
“YTA. Having shared a bathroom with men my whole life, yes, the crystalized piss stains are terrible. I keep jugs of white vinegar to dissolve them.”
“All over the underside of the seat, around the ceramic rim upon which the seat sits.”
“And while I’m usually fine with ‘If it’s yellow, let it mellow’ in most cases, the absolute stench of collected and concentrated piss coupled with piss drops everywhere makes me feel like I’m stuck in a dive bar’s men’s bathroom urinal on $2 pitcher night.” ~
“My partner sits to pee. His friends don’t.”
“The toilet they use when they come over for games is so much grosser for how little it is used in comparison to our en suite toilet that gets used constantly.”
“And I think it’s because they all pee standing up. YTA.” ~ purplepluppy
“You said no urine on the toilet or floor, but are you saying this from a visual inspection, or are you running your hand across to feel for moisture? Because urine isn’t generally neon yellow, and small droplets aren’t always noticeable to the naked eye.”
“You know what is noticeable? Stepping or sitting in wet drops and knowing exactly where they came from.”
“Every guy, no matter how good his aim, will produce flying droplets. Women notice this way more because we’re not standing away from the toilet when we go.”
“Guys don’t notice the moisture droplets that are on the inside of the lid, on the seat, on the outside porcelain that touches our legs, on the floor at the very base of the toilet unless they’re big yellow drops that they can see from standing up. YTA.” ~ FragrantImposter
“YTA. It’s quite a sickening sensation to sit on a toilet seat and realize the back of your legs are wet from someone else’s droplets or mist.” ~ Consistent-Pair2951
“I had to make my ex start sitting after a pretty bad stomach flu. Being on the ground in front of a toilet with your head hovering over it while vomiting profusely is bad enough without realizing the floor, lid, and outside of the toilet reek strongly of piss.”
“Peeing outside and at a urinal are the only times it’s necessary to stand to pee. There’s no reason to not sit to pee on a toilet besides being afraid of looking feminine in private. YTA.” ~ fokkoooff
“YTA. I’m a dude, live alone. I sit down to pee because why do I want to mop up urine all the time?”
“I’m barely conscious when I pee at night, and peeing after sex can get pretty unpredictable.”
“Men continuing to stand and pee when they don’t have to either haven’t thought much about it, or are insecure about what it means for their manhood.” ~ creamevil
“My previous boyfriend would sit down to pee. I loved how clean his bathroom was. I never had to worry about stepping or sitting in pee.”
“My ex-husband, on the other hand? I have no idea how one man could have such a bad aim. He would get pee everywhere and wouldn’t clean it up.”
“When I tried to talk to him about it, he was all deny, deny, deny. Not the reason we split up, just one item on a laundry list.”
“My current partner stands to pee, but he would agree to sit at a shared home if I asked him. YTA, OP.” ~ FeministInPink
“My dad tried to drill peeing sitting down into my brother, and me and my younger brother refused to listen to him. He always claimed to have perfect aim, but consistently, his toilet had streams of dried urine down the outside of the bowl.”
“It takes 10 seconds longer. YTA. Just sit down.” ~ Spectral-Slight
“YTA. One thing most people don’t know is that the opening of the urethra is not cylindrical, usually not even close.”
“So the stream spreads before it even reaches the toilet. There’s no getting around the physics.” ~ glemits
“YTA. As a person who has done both bathroom renovations of large university building bathrooms and cleaned a vacation rental, I can tell you unequivocally that your pee splashes.”
“You may not be able to see it, but it does.”
“There was one men’s bathroom at the engineering building that nearly had me throwing up from the decades-old urine stench. Before anyone asks, the women’s bathroom was completely fine.”
“At the vacation rental, I need to clean not just the inside of the bowl, seat, lid, etc…, but also wash the walls. Otherwise, it will smell.”
“There is a baseboard heater next to the toilet that gets corroded and needs to be primed and painted once a year. It’s been replaced three times in ten years.”
“And yes—if it’s a group of women staying, washing the walls and heater isn’t necessary. And the toilet doesn’t smell.”
“So yeah—if you stand to pee, you are splashing around, no matter how good you aim.”
The OP didn’t quite get the backing he was hoping for.
Whether that means he’ll change his mind remains unanswered, as the OP provided no update.