When exchanging gifts with others, it can sometimes be difficult to dial in exactly what kind of gift to buy.
Does the amount of money spent matter? Is homemade the better option? Perhaps an intangible experience is the most appropriate.
But bearing all those different options in mind, one thing is for certain: a gift usually is synonymous with thoughtfulness.
Recently, one couple encountered some serious difficulties in that area. And one of them explained the whole ordeal on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by Tzz98 on the site, clarified who he felt the culprit was with his title.
“AITA for being angry about a gift my gf gave me?”
He began by explaining the context around the gift giving.
“So some months ago my girlfriend and I had our 1 year anniversary, and of course we exchanged a gift. She hinted me that she would have loved a ring, nothing too crazy, and I got her a ring.”
“In addition to that a big frame with 12 picture in it, one picture from every month we’ve been together (yes I know it may sound lame lol).”
Then it came time for his girlfriend’s gift to her.
“I’m a sort of minimalist and I don’t really have anything I need so when she asked me if there was something I’d like I said whatever she wanted, it’s the thought that matters.
“She got me a little frame (bought for very very very cheap at the Chinese shop under her house) with four pictures and that’s it.”
“The gift idea was cute, I was expecting some more effort (the pictures were not even aligned, they appeared to be thrown in), I was sensing very little effort from her side to her gift.”
But OP exercised patience.
“Anyway, I didn’t want her to feel bad, also because I could be wrong and overreacting, so I didn’t say anything and thanked her instead.”
“All good until some days before Christmas, she has two close friends and she didn’t know what kind of gift to give them, I suggested a couple of ideas but she said it was a waste of money (around 10€, keep in mind she lives with her mom and gets 500€ from her dad every month).”
And then his girlfriend let some info slip.
“And then she said what got me a little angry: “I’ll do the thing I do when I don’t want to spend money and time on a gift, I’ll just buy two cheap frames at the Chinese shop, print a couple of photos and I don’t have to think about it anymore.”
“After a moment I expressed my perplexity about what she had just said, because it was the same thing she had done with my gift.”
“I got a little angry and she said I was overreacting, that it was not the same thing and that I shouldn’t think about it.”
“Now some time has past, I’m not angry, but I feel sad about the whole thing. Am I the a**hole for getting angry and sad about the whole situation?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors echoed OP’s frustrated response, calling him “NTA” as they did so.
“NTA she basically just admitted to not giving two sh**s about getting a gift you would like. Even a gift card would have shown more caring than that.” — SorceressRin
“NTA for being ticked off and then sad.”
“The fact that she admitted to your face that she had just given you her standard “not that important” treatment would tick me off too.”
“It says to me that she just didn’t want to bother and that’s a painful thing to hear.” — gooberfaced
“NTA It seems she already confessed to giving no thoughts about your present.” — Taccou
Many people interpreted her behavior as a loud and clear signal.
“NTA. There’s a very overused phrase that actually works here. When someone shows you who they are. Believe them.”
“You’ve found out where you are in her life and how she feels. You can stay with her but you should keep this in mind.” — Fruit-Additional
“NTA. It’s the thought that counts and she’s just shown you what she thinks of you.” — StoatofDisarray
“NTA. You have a crappy girlfriend. You’re a caring, thoughtful man. Your girlfriend is letting you know how much she cares about you. Do you really want to waste more of your time, effort and money on her?” — Remarkable_Sea_1062
Plenty of Redditors picked up where that comment left off. They advised thinking long and hard about what the experience meant.
“Wow, definitely NTA. She revealed her true intentions all by herself.”
“You might wanna start re-evaluating the worth of this relationship and if you want be with this kind of person for the rest of your life, when she couldn’t even be bothered to get you a decent gift.” — shukies95
“Run. She is not the one.” — Gooncookies
“You tell her the thought and effort you put into gifts. Tell her you are hurt she doesn’t seem to put the same thought and effort in. It feels like she doesn’t care.”
“Wait for her reply. Discuss….” — Mary-U
“NTA. Do some research on love languages. She may not be a gift giver. She may like to get gifts. How does she show her love? Touch? Acts? Spending time with you?” — ianuevachicaobond007
According to an edit added by OP, it appeared he was thinking similarly.
“EDIT Since a lot of you are concerned about it, i’d like to clear that by saying ‘I should reevaluate’ I don’t mean to straight up dump her.”
Hopefully, this incident will facilitate communication between OP and his girlfriend, leading them to a stronger place—and better gifts—in the future.