Everyone loves a kind gesture every now and then, especially when they're having a rough day.
Actually, maybe the just recipient loves the kind gesture.
At least that's what one Redditor is experiencing after setting off her girlfriend's coworkers by having coffee delivered a few times a week, so she turned to the "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Autistic_Tap_5622 posted:
"Ive been sending my girlfriend Starbucks delivery every couple of days and it started to cause issues at her work."
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I'm 28/F[emale} and my girlfriend is 27"
"My girlfriend is extremely picky with her coffee, she hates hot coffee or coffee without a sh*t ton of milk."
"Both me and my girlfriend have separate finances."
"Whenever my girlfriend texts me that her day is boring or stressful I will uber eats Starbucks to her work so she has a coffee and a cake pop."
"It's something I can afford to do and she absolutely loves whenever I surprise her at work with a sweet treat."
"I've been doing it for the past couple of months with no issue."
"A few days ago my girlfriend came home and told me she absolutely loves Starbucks and doesn't want me to stop, but that some of the other women have started to kick up a fuss over it, and from what my girlfriend was able to gather, the woman think my girlfriend is rubbing it in their face that she gets treated to a nice drink every few days."
"It's started to cause some issues in the break room due to some of the women being incredibly jealous."
"I'm wondering if I stop for a while or continue doing it?"
Redditors weighed in on the situation, and many urged OP to continue with her kind gesture.
"Don't stop."
"These women are clearly jealous, but I find it alarming that they feel the need to make your girlfriend feel bad about… if I was in their spot, would I be jealous?"
"Yeah probably."
"But you'd never ever catch me making her feel bad! That's ridiculous."
"She's lucky to have such a sweet gf!"
"Unless it's the higher ups giving her a hassle I don't see a reason to stop."
"Let them be pissed off." - angelgirlbella
"'I love my girlfriend and I enjoy treating her and show her how much I love her.'"
"'But the other women are jealous their boyfriend doesn't do the same or that they are jealous.'"
"You're doing perfectly right by your girlfriend, IT IS THE OTHER WOMEN WHO HAVE ISSUES."
"Their boyfriends don't treat them the way you do, or they're jealous."
"Why should your girlfriend do without?" - fattestshark94
"What on earth?!"
"It's actually crazy other women getting mad at the sight of another woman being treated by her boyfriend."
"If they think it's being rubbed in their face it's because they envy something they don't have - nothing to do with you or your girlfriend and no reason to stop…and if you did stop it would open up catty comments along the lines of 'well that didn't last long did it.'"
"They sound perpetually miserable, and honestly your gf should be finding humour in it" - Ok-Comfortable4156
"NTA. If they are jealous, that is their problem, not hers."
"If they make an issue of it, she should go to HR and that will stop."
"Neither of you have done anything wrong." - Con4America
"Never stop. F**k those bitter old crones."
"Treat her right." - Constant_Season_867
"Why would you want to punish your gf and deprive her of something she enjoys because of some stupidly jealous co-workers?"
"They can either ask their SOs to do the same or order it themselves."
"Why is it that some people equate not getting something with depriving someone else that has it?"
"Ignore them and tell her to do the same. NTA" - Lay-ZFair
"No, continue doing it."
"You're thinking of your girlfriend and making her day brighter with your thoughtfulness."
"Don't let a couple of jealous weirdos stop you from being an excellent partner."
"It's not your fault or your girlfriend's that they don't have caring partners to send them snacks at work."
"Your girlfriend drinking her coffee and eating her cake pop in peace isn't rubbing it in anyone's face, they're creating drama because they need the dopamine rush and that's all it is."
"Have her talk to HR about it, and then send MORE sweet treats."
"Let them seethe." - Rude_Recipe4901
"I get my girlfriend Starbucks once a week."
"She loves it, and yes, her co-workers get jealous."
"We both don't care that they feel that way."
"They can ask their boyfriends to do the same or find one that does 😂" - WubzZugs
"So my girlfriend packs my lunch for me every day before work."
"It's usually meat, a few snacks, some fruit, and other stuff like that."
"The guys I work with get jealous because they are cavemen who live on microwaved TV dinners because they are all single."
"I am not going to tell my girlfriend to stop packing me lunch because some bozos can't get a nice partner."
"Keep buying your girlfriend coffee if it makes her happy."
"F**k her coworkers" - bush_wrangler
Others advised OP to consult with her girlfriend before sending any more treats.
"Leave that up to your girlfriend."
"If you want to keep sending her coffees, then it's up to her if she wants to deal with the jealous office b*tches or not."
"NTA." - peakpenguins
"this is a decision for your gf to make."
"it's weird to me that you would ask Reddit what would be best for your gf instead of asking her."
"I'm not trying to be mean I swear it just seems like the equivalent of typing 'what does my gf want to eat for dinner' into google." - Common_Incident7777
"Just keep making sure she wants you to do it, tell her to let you know if you need to cool it off."
"Sounds like she doesn't love her workplace, so good on you for boosting her day!" - Remarkable-Rush-9085
"Your intention is thoughtful, but it's worth prioritizing her comfort and peace at work." - lovelydaisyglow
"GF's call. You're overthinking." - gdubh
"My wonderful wife brings me fountain pops like 2 days a week when she has appointments by my office or sometimes just because."
"I take our kids to daycare in the morning, and it's just too difficult to wrangle them and get a fountain pop on the way to work, and there are literally zero places open with fountain pop from the daycare to my work..."
"So she hooks me up when she can."
"My office makes snarky comments, and some of the guys get a bit of an attitude about it."
"It's jealousy... They wish their significant others would bring them stuff."
"But also, sometimes i'm slammed and order like delivery for lunch, they also get their panties in a twist from that."
"Some people will always want something they don't have and will get mad at those that have it..."
"I tend to just let them be, and not the type of person I hang out with in my free time anyway."
"But yeah, she should be able to choose what's up. Whether she wants to deal with the petty nonsense or lack of sweet treats lol." - McTastic07
Many also wondered if perhaps OP's girlfriend brought attention to the frequent deliveries.
"You might not like to hear this but… it's entirely possible your gf is oblivious to how much she may be bragging, which could be what is breeding resentment."
"You're never gonna get the truth from her if that's the case and you're not gonna speak to her coworkers but I wouldn't assume anything of anyone involved."
"I say this because Starbucks delivery is such a nothing thing that it would be weird for a whole group of women to suddenly start getting jealous of a 10-dollar drink." - Reddit user
"Does she brag? Make a big deal about it?" - OkManufacturer767
"NTA - I'm always amazed when people can't act like adults at work."
"One caveat that isn't on you."
"If she works in a controlled access building, has to involve others to get the delivery person access or whatever or makes a big deal out of it, she could be the a**hole if it's happening multiple times a week, but that's on her, not you." - Makira7577
And many thought OP should continue with the deliveries, but maybe she should slow it down a bit.
"NTA, but it's all about that balance, right?"
"Maybe keep the treat train rolling but less often?"
"Switch up the delivery times or pick days when it won't stir the pot."
"Jealousy at work is real, but shouldn't spoil your cute gesture!" - VelvetWhimsyy
"Your gestures of kindness are coming from a place of love and wanting to make your girlfriend's day a little brighter, and there's nothing wrong with that."
"However, I understand that workplace dynamics can sometimes create tensions, and it's unfortunate that some coworkers are making it an issue." - lovelydaisyglow
Well, it sounds like OP carefully considered Redditors' comments as she later updated her post.
"EDIT: I will chat with my girlfriend when she gets home about if she feels comfortable still having her treats or if I should stop."
"Thanks for the help"
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.