For most people, it’s second nature to help out a friend in need.
Be it giving them a ride, cooking them a meal, or, in some cases, helping them out financially, most people do it not out of obligation, but purely out of kindness.
Unfortunately, not everyone is always so accepting of others’ generosity.
Even sometimes refusing help of any kind, not wanting to feel like “charity.”
The son of Redditor Mission_Use_3002 recently had two of his friends over at their house.
When it came to the original poster (OP)’s attention that these girls might be in need of some climate-appropriate attire, the OP came up with a solution that seemed to please everyone.
Everyone except the girls’ stepfather, who angrily confronted the OP, was offended by her actions.
Concerned she may have overstepped, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for donating some winter coats to two cold little girls?”
The OP explained why the stepfather of two friends of her son was anything but appreciative of a recent gesture:
“It’s gotten very, very cold recently where I (46 F[emale]) live in the Midwest.”
“My son (13 M[ale]) has two friends, twin girls (13 F[emale]) who moved here in September from California.”
“They hang out at our house a lot, one more than the other.”
‘Yesterday my oldest daughter (20 F[emale]) is home for winter break.”
‘She came into the kitchen where I was and told me she doesn’t think the twins own good winter clothes.”
‘When I looked, one was in a hoodie and the other was wearing a jean jacket.”
“My daughter asked me if we had any of her old clothes in the attic that we were maybe saving for my youngest, so we went up to look.”
“I found lots of nice clothes from when my oldest was younger.”
“Some good quality coats, long-sleeved shirts, even a solid pair of snow boots.”
“I decided that the twins needed those clothes a lot more than my youngest, who hasn’t grown into them yet.’
“I can always buy her new things, but these girls are poor.”
“My son says they share one wardrobe already.”
“My daughter took the clothes to the twins and told them they were theirs or we were going to throw them out.”
“They’re pretty stubborn girls, but they accepted the donation and seemed subtly overjoyed about it.”
“I expected that to be the end of it.”
“Instead, this morning I heard knocking on my door.”
“When I opened it, it was the twins’ stepdad.”
“He had the box of clothes we sent home with them.”
“He told me ‘we don’t take donations in this house’ and to keep my nose out of his business.”
“He acted like I had ruined his day and really put him out.”
“I asked him if the twins had their own winter coats already that they just weren’t wearing, and he said that they’re tough, as if that means they don’t get cold.”
“My husband says I should have expected that reaction.”
“I tried to call their mother but couldn’t get a hold of her.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for giving her son’s friends her daughter’s old winter coats.
Not only did everyone agree that the OP made a very generous offer, but the behavior of the girls’ stepfather even led some to feel she should call Child Protective Services:
“NTA – but watch those kiddos please.”
“‘They’re tough’ is code for ‘Idgaf about these kids but my ego outranks their comfort and safety’.”-AuntieKC
“NTA.”
“That stepdad is a monster.”
“I agree with the other commenters.”
“Be a safe space for those girls.”
“You may have to contact CPS down the road.”- 12ohmygo
“NTA.”
“I would call cps if I were you.”
“Their step-dad is actively not properly taking care of the twins to the point that they don’t have basic winter gear.”
“Pride should never get in the way of your children’s basic needs.”
“At this point I would consider giving back the warm clothes abuse.”- RandomNameRandomly
“NTA.”
“Contact CPS.”- otbnmalta
“That’s sad.”
“I grew up in an upper middle-class neighborhood, and all the moms handed around clothes to one another.”
“It wasn’t a big deal, and certainly no one saw it as a ‘donation’.”
“Poor girls.”
“NTA.”- christmasshopper0109
“The stepdad came and said something?”
“THE STEPDAD?”
“Where TF was the mom?”
“Or the father?”
“NTA.”
“The stepfather tho.”- Clear-Mulberry-323
“NTA.”
“Even people of means exchange children’s clothing amongst each other.”
“Sometimes ( a lot of time) children quickly outgrow their clothing, so their old clothes are like new.”-jfern009
“NTA.”
“I hate stubborn and too-proud parents like this who make their children suffer because of their DAMN EGOS.”- jaded161
“NTA.”
“Are the girls in the same school/class as your son?”
“If so, you may want to reach out to the teacher/guidance counsellor to let them know about your interactions with both the girls and their father.”
“Teachers have so many students that they need to watch out for, and you bringing your concerns to their attention may make them pay extra attention to any concerning behaviors/circumstances that arise with the two girls.”
“These girls are so lucky to have you in their corner.”- Sask_mask_user
“NTA.”
“You can see from the responses here how many people have childhood trauma from that ridiculous ‘face-saving culture’ nonsense triggering their hostile responses to basic empathy.”
“Whenever my kids’ friends show up at my house during the winter when it is below freezing, we always have extra coats/jackets for any of them who need.”
“I don’t need to know the details of any child’s situation, but if they are showing up without protection from the elements, as a parent, I’m not letting that slide.”
“Any adult who thinks their fragile ego is somehow more important than taking care of their kids can go shove a frozen pine cone up their a**.”
“This is what the village is for!”- gwie
“NTA, and step-dad’s reaction is raising a ton of red flags.”
“Others have said to call CPS.”
“I agree.”- leannmanderson
“NTA.”
“As someone who suffered as a transplant to the frozen north, I would have welcomed a box of warm cozy clothes.”
“Dad is letting the girls suffer over his pride.”
“I mean hand me downs are awesome!”- msbrchckn
“Definitely NTA.”
“I say keep the clothes for a little while longer in case there is a change of mind.”
“And keep an eye on the kids and the stepdad.”
“He sounds awful.”- MoodyBlue78
“NTA.”
“That dad needs to learn the lesson that pride is never more important than the health and well being of your children!”
“You did the right thing.”
“I grew up very poor & learned early that swallowing my pride occasionally and taking help could be amazing.”- Prestigious_Badger36
“The wind chill was -25 below in the Twin Cities yesterday…being in nothing but a hoodie or a jean jacket is just plain dangerous.”
“He should be glad he was at the door because you gave them winter coats vs because they were found with hypothermia or worse.”
“NTA.”- Weird-Roll6265
‘I have the money to buy my kids clothes.”
“I have never once turned down a bag of donated clothes.”
“We pick out what they want and donate the rest.”
“His way of thinking is messed up and only hurting his children.”
“NTA.”- byfar82
“NTA.’
“I don’t know if you can call CPS because of that?”
“Those poor girls are gonna freeze.’
“Meanwhile let the clothes at your home so they can use it when they’re there.”- Spirited-Ad6144
“NTA.”
“We never turned away gifts just because they were ‘pre-loved’.”
“I think he had his pride hurt.”
“Maybe the jackets alone would have been okay, could have said ‘wear these on the way home, it’s a bit colder today’ or something.”
“We can never predict how people will react, but it doesn’t mean we should stop helping people.”-Captains-Log-2021
“NTA.”
“Those poor kids are freezing.”
‘The stepdad is an AH.”
“He’d rather those kids freeze to save his bizarre pride.”- FrostyIcePrincess
“NTA.”
“Honestly, call CPS.”
“This is neglect and purposeful at that.”
“The family can even go to places like big brother’s big sister’s for coats if they aren’t well off (my kids and I just got winter items and gifts from them) and our town has a kindness closet where people donate items and it’s given away free.”- Charming_Garbage_161
It’s a parent’s job to ensure children are cared for.
Sometimes, that even includes children who are not their own.
The OP noticed that her son’s friends did not have sufficient protection to keep them warm in the brutal midwestern winters.
If the girl’s stepfather doesn’t share this concern, then perhaps he may need to learn about the importance of this from the authorities, as many have suggested.