Planning dinner around work can be difficult.
People work long hours.
So, picking a perfect dinner time isn’t an exact science.
Sometimes people just need a quick nibble and then off to dreamland.
But that doesn’t always work for relationships.
Redditor aglassjunkie wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA- I (20 M[ale]) went to sleep before my girl (23 F[eamle]) could make dinner?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I work 8:30 am to 9 pm.”
“It takes me about an hour to commute to my work.”
“I need to get there at least 30 minutes before opening.”
“I’ll usually get home around 10:30 – 11 pm, wake up around 4:30-6, and leave the house 5:30-6:30 am, depending on traffic.”
“Last night I got home, showered, and sat with my girl while she opened Pokémon cards for 40 minutes (she waited for me to get home to open them).”
“After she was finished, she offered to make pizza.”
“Keep in mind it’s already midnight at this point.”
“My girlfriend is a sweetheart, but bless her heart, she’s not quick, nor is she efficient.”
“It would have taken at least another hour and a half before we’d be able to eat.”
“So I made myself a sandwich instead and went to bed.”
“She got really upset with me, and now I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong.”
“The way I figured, she knew what time I would be coming home and when I’d need to go to sleep.”
“If she wanted us to have dinner together, she should have had dinner ready instead of expecting me to only get four hours of sleep.”
“She offered to let me sleep and wake me up when the pizza was ready, but the last thing I needed after walking 20 miles the day prior was someone to wake me up at 1 am.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, it sounds like OP did communicate that and his G[irl]F[riend] is acting like he’s in the wrong for needing to sleep.”
“And you shouldn’t really need to communicate in the first place that 5 hours asleep is not enough and you don’t want to get woken when you’re barely getting any sleep as it is.”
“It’s like if someone’s partner hits them.”
“Would you say you really need to communicate that hitting/abuse is wrong, they just didn’t realize?”
“And maybe you’re going to say that’s a crazy or out-of-pocket comparison, but sleep deprivation is considered abusive and to be a form of torture.”
“Everybody needs sleep; this isn’t something that needs to be explained.” ~ Zealousideal_Long118
“The variables in this story are wild: he needs to get to work by 8 and his commute takes an hour.”
“So he sometimes leaves at 5:30 am?”
“And his work finishes at 9, but he never gets home before 10:30?”
“He’s only home for 8 hours at an absolute maximum, and spends any of that time not sleeping?”
“Making pizza in this universe takes 90 minutes?”
“Either this guy has a ridiculously terrible job, and commute, and is dating Amelia Bedelia, or this is fiction.” ~ the-library-fairy
“NTA, but your schedule does beg the question, can you pack food to take to work with you to eat during a regular dinner time instead of eating around midnight, going to bed on a full stomach, and waking up before the sun is out?”
“This schedule cannot be healthy.”
“Also, just double checked your work hours; if you can, maybe find a job that doesn’t have you working basically 12-hour shifts.
“That’s wild.” ~ BoobySlap_0506
“Tell her if she wants to open Pokémon cards with you, save it for a weekend. If she wants to eat with you?”
“It should be made while you shower.”
“Sleep deprivation is actual torture.”
“She is TA.” ~ mnfanjk
“I have been commuting for four years now, every day.”
“1 hour and 30 minutes of public transportation twice a day.”
“OP needs to get the hell out of there if he can; it’s INCREDIBLY damaging to your health.”
“Sleep deprivation is actual torture, I felt like I’ve aged ten years, my nervous system is a mess, and I don’t eat well either due to lack of time.”
“NTA, the issue here is not the pizza.” ~ heartlessloft
“NTA. If she wanted you to eat together, she could’ve made it before you came home, like that’s obvious.” ~ Popular-Box-4910
“NTA. You’re on target.”
“If eating together was that important to your GF, she should’ve made an effort to have dinner ready sooner.”
“She certainly should not have wasted 40 minutes opening Pokémon cards.”
“For Pete’s sake, man, you work a 12-hour-plus shift.”
“If I got home at 10:30 PM after that kind of shift, I wouldn’t even make it to midnight.” ~ Zazzog
“NTA, but I would seriously be looking into job options if you’re a 4-5 day a week worker, this is unbelievably unhealthy, and the level of sleep deprivation you’d be suffering is actually unbelievable.”
“I’d be looking into my options literally ASAP.” ~ instagram_MMAinColor
“As someone who worked too much and can relate to long days and long commutes, NTA.”
“That being said, at some point you might want to find a more reasonable schedule, for both your and her health.”
“It’s not healthy to only be home abt 6 hrs a day during your work week, in my opinion.”
“With such little rest, I can’t imagine it not affecting your productivity, ntm your social and mental health.”
“I work 4:30 a.m.- 4:00 p.m. now so I have more time in the evening, but I’m in bed before you get home, and I’m a zombie on my final day of the week.”
“I used to pull 16 hours when I worked at the airport.”
“I say all this because I know altering your schedule is easier said than done.”
“Just my 2 cents, good luck, it sounds like you’re blessed with a good partner if she waits that late and her disappointment came from what she prob perceived as her own failed attempt to please you.” ~ Real_Chibot
“NTA. She should have started that while you were on your way home, or she could’ve skipped the Pokémon thing and asked you if you were hungry as soon as you got home, and then started it, if you wanted to wait for that.”
“Do you even like Pokémon?”
‘I think your girlfriend needs to grow up a little more.”
“Getting upset over you not wanting to wait for her to make pizza at midnight is ridiculous, especially when you get up as early as you do and have long days.” ~ NoTechnology9099
“NTA, as long as you communicated to her before she started cooking.”
“Does she normally start making dinner that late?”
“It’s a pretty ridiculous time given your hours.” ~ Mean_Environment4856
“NTA. I don’t know if the people calling you an AH for having a job that requires that much time to be dedicated to it realize what the job market looks like right now, or what, but it’s not as simple as ‘just find a new job.'” ~ fissi0n-chips
“NTA. However…”
“I’d gently suggest letting her know ahead of time when you’re running on empty and asking for a rain check, that way, expectations are clearer before you grab a quick bite.”
“My husband is a Drill Sergeant, so I understand how long and demanding those hours can be.”
“Sometimes he would pull 16 to 24-hour shifts.”
“One of the biggest challenges we faced early on was finding a balance between rest and family time.”
“To her, that meal may have felt like a small but meaningful moment to connect.”
“Without knowing how tired you were, she may have felt brushed aside or even more alone.”
“A little communication can go a long way in making her feel seen and cared for.” ~ Friday_dances
“What are you doing at 20 that requires you to be working 12 1/2 hour days?”
“I saw that you live in Toronto, so I realize the commute is almost unavoidable, but the hours you work are insane and not conducive to a healthy life for you or your partner.”
“Those aren’t 5-day work weeks, right?”
“You’re NTA, and this isn’t really the point of the sub, but I’d recommend looking at a different job.”
“The amount of money you could earn or happen upon in life can vary a lot, and you could always do things to get more.”
“You can never do anything that could get you more time, though.” ~ boilingfrogsinpants
“NTA. I get wanting to show your partner that you’re passionate about, but opening Pokémon cards for 40 minutes instead of realizing that dinner would be more important at that time is absolutely wild.” ~ 15021993
OP came back to chat…
“Sorry, so I saw a few guys get mad at my employer.”
“I’m gonna give a quick blurb.”
“Sorry if I don’t explain anything, I’m hiding in the bathroom.”
“I am VERY grateful to have a job.”
“I am incredibly fortunate that my body can take it, and that I have the opportunity to work.”
“This is not a privilege I take lightly.”
“It’s only 44 hours a week.”
“It’s spread across 4 days.”
“I’m home 3 days a week, and we both have Saturdays off, so we do spend time together.”
“I’m usually the one in charge of cooking, cleaning, and groceries, so it makes sense that she’s fumbling a little bit.”
“I’m 20 thousand dollars in debt, and previous to this, I hadn’t been employed since January due to the school year and some health problems.”
“I’m so sorry for everyone’s questions I missed.”
Reddit has concern for you, OP.
Hopefully, you can find a better work/diet balance.
It’s understandable that it can all be stressful.
Health first, always.
Good Luck.