Grieving the loss of a significant other is a painful process.
It’s especially difficult when they perish quickly from a horrible disease.
There is so much to be done and never enough time.
That’s why it’s always great to have the support of loved ones.
But some loved ones can’t help but make it about them.
Redditor ProudFormal8139 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not giving my sister my wife’s clothes?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife was a corporate lawyer and mediator.”
“She had some very nice work clothes.”
“She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and was gone within two years.”
“The last six months of her life were hell.”
“My sister Sarah didn’t do jack s**t for us of us during that time.”
“My wife never liked her.”
“I do not like her.”
“She is a selfish cow.”
“At my wife’s wake, she started asking about my wife’s clothes, and I brushed her off.”
“She wanted to pick out a few pieces to ‘remember my wife by,’ and I ignored her.”
“It’s been six months, and I’ve attended my mom’s birthday, but I’m still not in the mood to deal with people.”
“Then Sarah comes, asking about my wife’s clothes.”
“I told her my wife wanted me to donate them to this women’s shelter, that she often helped at.”
“It will help women in need with their own court cases, court appointments, and job interviews.”
“My sister Sarah said my wife was even selfish in death.”
“I asked her what the f**k did she mean?”
“And she started going off on how my wife always thought she was better than her, and it’s not fair that the clothes are going to charity and not to family.”
“I told my sister I would rather see my wife’s clothes lit on fire than on her back.”
“My sister started crying, and my mom came over to see what was wrong.”
“My mom told me to be easy on my sister because she was taking my wife’s death hard.”
“The f**king insanity of that coming out of my mom’s mouth made me grab my gift and leave.”
“My mom acts like I had to ruin her birthday by being melodramatic, but I cannot believe their emotional blackmail towards me over f**king clothes that they have no right to.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Besides the fact that you are following your wife’s wishes, your sister is acting like a vulture.”
“And why is your mother worrying about your sister taking your wife’s death hard when you were the one who lost their wife?”
“So, no, you are doing nothing wrong.”
“You are still grieving, your sister is treating you like a thrift store, and your mother is completely ignoring your grief because another family member is better at being dramatic.” ~ bamf1701
“Yeah, Mommy dearest there needs to read up on Ring Theory.”
“What a complete fail parenting moment that was.”
“But I hope that a moment was all it lasted.”
“My condolences to you, OP.”
“You’re doing right by your wife’s wishes.”
“She was taken far too soon from this world, but even in death, she can do so much good for a whole lot of women in need.”
“When you’re ready to follow through and part with some of her things, she will be proud of you and your strength.” ~ spentpatience
“NTA. It’s your wife.”
“How dare Sarah mention it at the funeral.”
“Entirely selfish and classless and callous to your pain.”
“And then to bring it up again and say it’s to remember your wife by!!!”
“She doesn’t care about your wife and never did.”
“And then to insult your deceased wife by calling her selfish…”
“Your mom is also a problem.”
“Sarah is having a hard time with your wife’s death? Really?”
“Not you, the husband?”
“I’m sorry, but your sister and your mom sucks.”
“You should reevaluate why they’re in your life and if they deserve to be.” ~ archetyping101
“It’s incredibly selfish to ask for her clothes at all! I agree with you the funeral was the #1 worst place.”
“We had people asking for my father’s tools before we even had the funeral.”
“I don’t get some people.” ~ Zoo-Keeper-98
“When my mom died, my sister and I bought her a new suit for the viewing and to be cremated in.”
“She hadn’t spent money on herself in years, and we felt she deserved it.”
“My grandmother told us, at the viewing, that she’d like the suit.”
“We were both shocked but stammered out something about how we wanted our mom to have something nice one last time.” ~ ailweni
“NTA and you’re right, Sarah is 100% a selfish cow.”
“Who would begrudge clothes being given to WOMEN IN NEED who are trying to get their lives on track?”
“Sarah, that’s who.”
“And your mom tells you that Sarah is taking your wife’s death hard? Ummm, what?”
“With a family like that, who needs enemies?”
“I’m sorry you’re dealing with this and hope you have people in your circle who treat you a whole lot better.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.” ~ Vivienne1973
“NTA, your sister, and your mother are unhinged if they think anything they said is in any way appropriate.”
“I’m sorry about your wife’s death and I’m sorry your family sucks.”
“Might be time to go L[ow] C[ontact]/N[o] C[ontact].” ~ C_Majuscula
“NTA. Your sister is being manipulative, though it’s hard to see if her behavior is driven by jealousy or pure greed.”
“I’d be willing to bet she just wants to find any expensive pieces to sell on Poshmark or something.”
“Sounds like your mother is suffering from some sort of Stockholm syndrome dealing with your sister.”
“I’m sorry, but this is what your relationship with your family looks like.” ~ DropstoneTed
“What the hell did I just read?”
“She’s demanding clothes and calling your dead wife selfish?”
“For thinking of ways to empower women WHILE DYING?”
“Be nice because your sister is taking YOUR WIFE’S death hard?”
“Gonna go with NTA.”
“I am sorry for your loss.”
“And that your mother and sister are delusional.”
“I’m not fond of my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] but for God’s sake if she had cancer you bet your a** I’d be cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the dogs for them.” ~ Dangerous_Abalone528
“NTA, it’s easy to see who the favorite child is, and who only cares about the sister getting everything she wants.”
“I bet the posters guessing that the clothes will end up on Poshmark or another sale site are exactly right.”
“What will sister’s next demand be?”
“Wife’s car? Jewelry or other property?”
“Sister and mother are despicable.” ~ Dangerous_Ant3260
“NTA. WHAT?”
“Is Mom taking some really hard drugs for that statement?”
“cause that was just downright f**king dumb your sister isn’t the one who was married to your belated wife.”
“Sorry for the loss sir.” ~ Queasy-Leg1273
“Your sister is a massive AH, and I’d put my foot on the gas to make sure she knew that.”
“Your mom is bordering on AH if she’s gonna take her side.”
“Don’t you dare give her a damn thing?”
“Asking about her clothes at her wake?”
“Are you fu**ing kidding me?”
“I’d tell her she should’ve been the one in the casket if this was a fair world.”
“But I’m very passionate and protective about those I love most.” ~ GrumpyLump91
“NTA of course.”
“You are honoring your wife’s dead wishes.”
“I will say you probably should not have continued to escalate at your mom’s birthday.”
“Your sister said something super insensitive and rude, and you could have just replied with ‘that was insensitive, I do not want to talk to you anymore’ and walked away.”
“Saying the bit about lighting the clothes on fire is just an escalation at an event that is about your mom, not the two of you.”
“Of course, your sister also escalated and made it about her, but you can’t control what she does, only how you react.”
“But in general, f**k your sister.” ~ blazingdonut2769
“NTA, I would go full NC after that stunt, and I never suggest that on here.”
“Your sister only cares about herself.”
“You lost your wife, and she’s telling you to go against your late wife’s wishes to give her selfish a** her clothes.”
“My dad didn’t even have any specific wishes for his clothes, but I still wouldn’t give them to a rando who didn’t even like him.”
“I kept some and donated what I didn’t want to keep.”
“Would it not feel very weird to see your sister in your wife’s clothes???”
“Ask your sister why she’s so intent on looking like your wife because it’s creepy.” ~ AggravatingClick9578
“NTA. WTF!”
“Who approaches a man at his wife’s wake to ask about her clothes?”
“A selfish cow.”
“When you’re ready, donate the clothes to the women’s shelter.”
“They will appreciate them so much more than your sister.”
“You need to distance yourself from your mom and go NC with the selfish cow.”
“Sorry for your loss.” ~ WishboneMoney3342
“Holy god your sister sucks. NTA.”
“Your sister was not taking your wife’s death hard; your mom is an appeaser and not a believable fibber.”
“Walk away and have little contact with your sister until she can find some other person’s clothes to steal and sell.” ~ Typical2sday
“Your mother and sister are a**holes who do not care about you losing your wife to cancer and the grief you are going through.”
“Your selfish a**hole sister only cares about what she can get out of the dead woman she judged and hated.”
“Your mother clearly favors and enables your narcissistic, self-absorbed sister.”
“Your sister does not deserve your wife’s clothes. NTA.” ~ Neonpinx
“NTA and I’d be done with my mum and my sister. Your mum is the reason your sister is the way she is, clearly, so neither of them is ever going to think they’ve done wrong because they’re martyrs.”
“That’s why your wife dying is such a problem, because they cannot ‘compete’ with her anymore, so they’re pulling this garbage.”
“It’s f**king gross.”
“They’re trying to one-up a dead woman, and I’d tell them to go f**k themselves and be done with them.” ~ RubyJuneRocket
“NTA, I feel for you; I lost my dad to cancer four months ago.”
“It’s incredibly hard.”
“And I was about to kill someone who tried to go through his things after I told him not to do that.” ~ AnotherCloudHere
My goodness, OP, this a terrible situation.
First of all, I am so sorry for your loss.
OP, Reddit is on your side.
Your sister and mother had no right to treat you this way.
Low to no contact may be a good idea for a while.
Good luck.