Announcing an engagement should be one of the happiest days of a bride and groom’s lives.
Unfortunately, Redditor Character-Echidna-23 did not have that experience.
The Original Poster (OP) brought his fiancé home to meet his family, and his mom’s reaction was anything but acceptable.
This caused the OP to turn to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for advice.
He asked,
“AITA for uninviting my mother and aunts from my wedding after what they said about my fiance?”
He went on to tell the story.
“I [25-year-old Male] am extremely lucky to be marrying the woman of my dreams, “Maya” [24-year-old Female].”
“I’m originally American but moved to Norway when I was 19 to get a college education without paying an arm and a d*ck. I met Maya when I was 20, and we’ve been together ever since.”
“We recently got engaged, and our wedding is planned for this fall. I wanted to tell my family in person about it, so we planned a trip to visit my hometown to announce it.”
“This is the third time my parents [55-year-old Male and 52-year-old Female] are meeting her in person and the first for more distant relatives.”
“We had a big dinner at my aunt’s [57-year-old Female, Debra] house where we announced it, and most of my family was ecstatic and congratulated us. My mom, Debra, and one other aunt did not look that happy.”
“I didn’t really pay it much mind at first, but as the evening progressed, Maya told me she felt super uncomfortable with the glares she was getting from the three of them.”
“She’s quite shy and not very confident in her English, so we talked in Norwegian between the two of us for the most part.”
“Of course, when talking with my family, we spoke English, but I started to feel the chill from my mother’s glares whenever the two of us were talking.”
“I told Maya I’d be right back, and I talked with my dad about what the deal was.”
“He just kinda shrugged and told me, ‘You know how your mom gets with women you’re seeing, don’t worry about it. She’s just upset to see that her son is putting roots down an ocean away.’”
“He was wrong about not needing to worry. After dessert, my mom stood up and gave a toast:”
“’Cheers to my son and his fiancé, she may not be the best woman for him, but I’m sure he’ll realize that once he sees what a sl*t and gold digger she is.’”
“‘Or maybe she’ll grow a conscious and saves him from himself. Cheers.’”
“Maya left the room crying, and there was a long silence (aside from my mom and aunts snickering) before I broke in and said: ‘You realize that the choice for who the most important woman in my life is hasn’t had you in the running for nearly a decade.’”
“‘I actually love her and would choose a kick to the nuts over you.’”
“‘The three of you aren’t welcome at the wedding, and Maya and I will be staying at a hotel for the rest of our time here.’ And then I left as quickly as possible with Maya.”
“I feel bad for putting Maya through that and don’t want her to have to deal with anything like that on what’s supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives, but at the same time, I’ve been getting calls from my family about how unreasonable I’m being, that my mom was drunk and is just worried about me, etc., etc.”
“My sister (who is NC [no contact] with our mother) told me that I royally f*cked up and probably burned most of the bridges with our family or at least our mother’s side.”
“And a lot of my mother’s side have said they won’t come unless I reinvite my mom and aunts.”
“My dad said he can’t come unless my mom can go, and he really wants to be there.”
“IDK what to do, and Maya said it’s my choice, but she really doesn’t want them there.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA.”
“I’m sorry, but your mom sounds like a freak.”
”’ you know how your mom gets with the women you’re seeing “HUH????? you mean she gets jealous that another woman is taking her son away????? that is some Freudian type sh*t” – Cautious_Water9628
“NTA”
“You didn’t burn any bridges. Your mom lit a fire, and you walked away.”
“If she regrets it now and wants to build a new bridge to replace the one she burned, she should get crack-a-lackin on figuring out how she will apologize and make amends to Maya.”
“It’s really too bad there are so many people in your family who are unable or unwilling to see this…”
“…and it will be sad for them, and presumably for you (families are complicated) if they choose to miss your wedding over it…”
“…but not as sad as it would be for you and Maya if you were to enter a marriage with you, her, and the whole family knowing that when it comes down to it, they’re free to treat her poorly.” – coitus_introitus
“NTA. Anyone who”
-
“calls your fiancee a sl*t and a gold-digger”
-
“doesn’t understand that calling your fiancee a sl*t and a gold-digger gets crossed off the invite list”
“should definitely not be at your wedding.” – C_Majuscula
“NTA. Not only would I disinvite them from the wedding, but I’d give serious consideration to disowning your mom after the kind of sh*t she pulled.”
“This will be a black cloud over your entire marriage at this point. Especially if your mom is allowed to have more than a very passing relationship with you two.” – FSF_VVG
“NTA.”
“It’s pretty simple- Don’t bother inviting people who are so disrespectful (and unkind) to someone you hope to spend your life with.”
“Why can’t your father come to the wedding if your mum isn’t invited?”
“Your father is, unfortunately, in a very tricky position. But maybe it’s time for him to make a choice between his perceived sense of responsibility to his wife and doing what he believes is right/ fair.”
“Moving on, his choices will definitely reflect in your relationship with him, as your mother won’t make it any easier.”
“Good luck OP. I hope your partner feels better soon, and please don’t let her down!” – lurchnpurge
“NTA. Stick to your decision. And tell your father that you are standing by your wife, the same way he is standing by his.” – BlueRFR3100
The OP went on to update his original thread.
“My sister isn’t siding with my mom’s side of the family.”
“She knows that I want to have my family in my life, and so me royally f*cking up is in reference to that as well as the fact that she knows my dad probably won’t be able to come because of this.”
“I did not expect this much response, and I did not expect so many comments regarding my father.”
“I don’t want to cut him out of my life, but there have been so many great comments that have made me really question some things.”
“After talking with Maya, we both agree that since he is someone I do genuinely care about, I should give him one chance to actually decide whether he wants to be a part of my life going forward.”
“I just got off the phone with my father, and I asked him to have a one-on-one. He agreed, and I will be meeting him in a couple of hours.”
“I made a big list of points I want to cover based off of several comments I’ve seen here. I want to specifically shout out u/BlueRFR3100 for his phrasing of standing by my soon-to-be wife.”
“That really made me think, and I think it will help my father see my side. From what he said and how he sounded on the call, I am hopeful that he sees just how toxic my mother’s behavior was, not only regarding the toast but over the course of my and my sister’s lives.”
The OP also thought it was important to explain where the wedding was happening.
“Almost forgot to mention this, but 1. the wedding is happening near Maya’s hometown, and 2. elopement is not an option, nor do either of us want it to be.”
“Maya’s family is very supportive, and I’m excited to have a traditional Norwegian wedding.”
The OP wanted to provide one final update after a conversation with his father.
“I had nice, candid discussion with my father.”
“He said he’s denied it for years because he felt like he’d be a failure if he divorced my mother, and he knew standing up to her would mean she’d divorce him.”
“He apologized for failing me and my sister. I told him the only apology I would accept is if he strapped his balls back on and chooses his kids over his wife.”
“He… hesitated. I could really see the conflict in his eyes.”
“I almost caved seeing him like that, but before that could happen, I told him he knows where his balls are, how to contact me, and that only he knows what he really wants. All he needs to do is let me know before the wedding.”
“I’m hopeful, but IDK what will happen.”
Hopefully, this couple can have the wedding they deserve with Maya’s family at least.
We’ll keep our eyes out for further updates on this story, that’s for sure.