Planning a wedding can be hard.
Finding a date and venue that works for everyone is impossible. Someone is always going to be inconvenienced, so you should just do whatever you want and if they don’t like it, they can skip the wedding.
Redditor Orange-Pears8900 encountered this very issue with their family. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for saying my brother ruined his own life and it’s no one else’s problem but his?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“One of my cousins is engaged and they are having a wedding in another state because his future wife has 2 relatives who live there. They are in their 90s and can’t travel easily.”
“Everyone else who is invited to the wedding is not as old and is healthy and would have no problem making the 2.5 hour drive there.”
“My parents got upset when they found out about the wedding being there because it means one of my brothers can’t go. Legally he can’t leave the state right now because of legal issues.”
“The cousin who is getting married is the son of my mom’s sister.”
“When my parents got upset my aunt and some other relatives tried to convince my cousin’s future wife to change the wedding venue. My cousin basically told them to leave her alone and shove it and said he isn’t having 2 90+ year olds being taken on an uncomfortable car trip that would be at least 2 hours away.”
“Those venues close to the state border that my mom and aunt and relatives suggested also booked up and my cousin would have to push his wedding back by a lot.”
OP’s cousin was not willing to change his entire wedding.
“He said the wedding is happening at the original venue which is in the other state and 10 minutes away from the nursing home.”
“I’m an usher in the wedding and my mom and aunt are a bit mad I won’t try to convince my cousin to move the venue. My brother can’t be an usher because of this.”
“My dad also agrees even though he isn’t as vocal as my mom is. Personally I don’t think it is any of my business. The last time my mom and aunt asked me to talk to my cousin on behalf of my brother I said he is an adult who can do it himself and he has no one to blame but himself because all the legal issues are his own fault and no one else’s.”
“My mom said the legal problems ruined his life and I said he did it himself.”
“Now my parents, brother, aunt and various other relatives are PO’d at me for saying my brother ruined his own life and caused his own problems because they all got told what I said.”
“Am I the a**hole for saying my brother ruined his own life and it’s no one else’s problem but his?”
OP added more information.
“Since I know people will ask what he did: His girlfriend was in a car accident.”
“He went to the scene and pretended to be a random pedestrian who saw everything from the sidewalk to the cops and the insurance company. He lied about the other driver causing the accident even though his girlfriend did.”
“The other driver and another car who wasn’t involved both had dash cameras that contradicted what he said and showed he wasn’t even on the sidewalk.”
“He also forgot the car was registered to both of them so the insurance company and the cops figured out he wasn’t a random witness. There was a criminal court case and a lawsuit he had to go through and another court case for breaking the terms of his probation from the first case.”
“He is still dealing with the fallout and will be for many years. It’s not relevant to my question but I know people will be curious.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA and good on cousin for sticking to his plans. Your brother did this to himself. I have no clue why your family would be annoyed at you.” ~ boglyric
“It’s funny because my cousin is the most shy, quiet, calm and mild person I have ever met. But when he found out the requests to his wife to move the venue he went absolutely ballistic on those people. I was actually scared and I wasn’t even his target.” ~ Orange-Pears8900
“He’s gonna be a good husband.”
“Your mom and aunt can choose to get over it, or not. You’re doing the right thing by not getting involved.” ~ imtchogirl
“If he’s in good standing with his probation officer your brother could request to leave the state for the wedding. He would need to provide exact date and the locations he will be at but it’s possible.”
“I was stupid at 18 and caught a drug charge which resulted in 5 years of probation (only did 3 because of good behavior) but about a year and a half in or so I was offered to go on vacation for a week to Maine, I live in Missouri, my probation officer gave me permission with no problems.”
“She gave me a letter saying I was allowed to leave the state and her business card and I had no trouble whatsoever.”
“But if your brother did not learn from his first mistake and has been screwing up his probation then he might not get permission but if that’s the case then that shows a pattern of bad choices that he willingly makes and no one else should need to accommodate their lives or plans because he continues to make bad and/or illegal choices.” ~ Heyllamamama
“Bro. My grandpa couldn’t be at my wedding because it was too far for him to travel in his fragile state. I don’t necessarily regret it, but I am sad because I am probably the only grandchild he will live to see married. Help your cousin stick to his guns.” ~ DuckDuckBangBang
“Wild guess your parents always defend your brother’s actions, right or wrong? It’s obnoxious anyone even thought to ask to move a wedding for anyone. To move it for one person who got into such stupid trouble I question his intellect? Hell no.”
“Good on your cousin for telling everyone to shove it. NTA.” ~ BendingCollegeGrad
OP should stick to their guns.