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Women Weigh In After Guy Asks If It’s Inappropriate For Him To Handwash His Girlfriend’s Underwear


When it comes to living with your romantic partner, learning each other’s daily routine and idiosyncrasies can either be taxing on your relationship or affirm you were meant to be together.

For some couples who are living together, there is still plenty to learn.

Redditor throwRA2076 simply had one question and sought advice on Reddit’s Relationship Advice forum to find out if it was acceptable to do something with helpful intentions in the absence of his girlfriend.

The Original Poster (OP) simply inquired in his post’s title:

“Washing girlfriends undies?”

The OP wrote:

“Hey so my gf [girlfriend] and I are both 25 (I’m a guy). We have been dating for 3 years, she’s a nurse and has been super busy and stressed lately so she hasn’t really had time to do laundry or her chores.”

“I also work an essential job but I have the next few days off to rest and I wanted to surprise her by cleaning our whole place spotless and doing all of her chores for her.”

“She gets anxious and more stressed when our home is messy but exhaustion has outweighed our desire for cleanliness.”

“So here’s my question, she has a bunch of undies and bras that she washes by hand in the sink, and then air drys, because she hasn’t had time to do it, she’s almost out of clean undies and I thought I’d wash them by hand for her. Just for an extra surprise.”

“But they are intimate items and there are period stains and discharge that needs to be cleaned. It doesn’t really bother me (it’s natural) and I don’t want her to potentially be embarrassed by me cleaning it.”

“So for women or people in relationships, would it be okay for me to do this for her or should I just clean everything else and leave her undies for her to clean?”

Strangers on the internet—especially women—were moved and gave their expert advice on how to properly care for female undergarments.

“Definitely ask her first, but that’s super sweet of you even to think about doing it.”

“If she does give you the go ahead, here’s a tip: cold water. Especially for period stains, hot water will set the stain and it’ll never come out. But a good soak in cold water is often all you need.”

“A splash of hydrogen peroxide can help for really stubborn stains as well, just make sure you rinse thoroughly. When you are done, don’t wring delicates; it’s hard on the fabric and defeats the purpose of hand washing.”

“Instead, you can squeeze, then roll the items in a towel (you can skip this step, but it does get a fair bit of water out) before hanging or laying flat to dry. You’re a good partner, she’s lucky to have you.” – Hadespuppy

“hey as a woman I gotta say!! this is super sweet. she’ll definitely appreciate the thought, I’m sure. but just ask first!”

“it might be a little embarrassing for her knowing you went through and saw and did all that, but if she’s notified beforehand she may not feel all too bad as long as she’s aware you don’t mind whatever.”

“being a girl has a lot of sh**ty downsides and it’s always cool knowing that our S/O’s don’t mind things like that.” – keebee121

“Mix a spray bottle with 50% hydrogen peroxide and 50% blue dawn dish soap. Spray it on the stain to sit for a few then wash as you normally would.”

“It takes anything out, I have even had it work on old stains that have been through the dryer.” – orangejuicelovr

“Pretty thoughtful of you to not only want to do this but to want to get something like this right. Might not seem like a big deal to other guys but this is actually a pretty big deal.”

“I agree with everyone else you should definitely ask first. You can also ask her about buying a lingerie garment pouch, When you put the garments inside and zip it up and put it in the washing machine on gentle cycle.”

“That way she still getting her stuff washed but you don’t have to physically scrub that and she doesn’t have to be embarrassed that you physically have to scrub that.” – Dianachick

Other Redditors benefitted from the comments in the thread.

“I was today years old as well when I learned this!” – Idotenyin

“Whenever I’ve had to hand wash, I have always just automatically wrung them! This might explain why things ended up too saggy and loose afterwards.”

“TIL I’ve been doing it wrong all these years. Thank you.” – WayRong

This person questioned the girlfriend’s choice in underwear that would require more care.

“For me, the strangest thing about this post is that a woman would wear special, delicate underwear that can only be hand washed during her period.”

“Either she owns only the most magnificent of panties (which she inexplicably wears when they could be ruined) or doesn’t know most underwear can be washed normally without harm.”

“My underwear is from places like Aerie and H&M and while some if it is more delicate, all goes in the washer and dryer, in a garment bag maybe. It’s not like I’m spending $20+ per pair and need to protect them at all costs.”

“Obviously I’m much more careful laundering larger garments such as sweaters or even bras.” – a-shrinking-violet

“This is true. If I’m at the point of my period where I would possibly leak, I wear basic Victoria secret black panties and they go in the washer.”

“No stains because black, and no need to hand wash anything. Actually I wouldn’t buy any underwear that couldn’t be thrown in (except for lingerie purposes).”

“Who has time for that? Certainly not this girl if her bf is doing her laundry.” – a-ohhh

This Redditor suggested the OP do a partial surprise, just to be on the safe side.

“Here’s what I would recommend. Do all of her other laundry and cleaning first, have the surprise, then say something like ‘Now all I have left is your underwear, are you ok with me cold washing those for you?’ And have those ready in the washing sink. Best of both worlds.” – waitareyou4real

A male Redditor was impressed and aspired to be like the OP.

“Bro how do you even….? Your mind works the way I wish mine worked. I am a guy who adores his girlfriend and as much as I feel like I make things easier for her by sharing the household workload, I am not a patch on you.”

“The evident love in your post, which is difficult to convey through text, shows reddit how to be a man.”

“Teach me, Sensei.” – DanteShmivvels

The OP came through with his humble response.

“I’m honestly learning as I go and trying to do my best. Maybe take a women’s gender studies course or read articles on what it’s like to be a woman in the world and just try to be empathetic and supportive.”

The OP then updated his post thanking everyone for their input and explained how he applied Redditors’ suggestions.

“I texted her asking if it was okay and she said ‘thank you, that would be really nice but you don’t have to do it, I know most guys find it groady, so it’s okay I can do it myself’ so I took this as a yes and starting soaking them in cold water with soap as a lot of you suggested (thanks for that, I was gonna do warm/hot water and I definitely was probably gonna ring them out so I owe you guys).”

“I know she’s had some crappy experiences with previous boyfriends being grossed out and making her feel bad (which is super f’ked) so I really just want to do what I can to make her feel loved and supported and all that gushy stuff so that she knows she never has to feel ashamed or embarrassed for being her.”

“Thank you all again for your advice. You’re all amazing!”

“Second update: I know it’s soon but holy crap this blew up fast. First I want to say thank you amazing Redditor’s for the awards and all the kind words.”

“Secondly, it’s truly heartbreaking how many people said they cried or wish they had someone like this, or that more men should be like this.”

“I want to apologize on behalf of men who have let women down in that department (as well as a lot of other departments). It’s so f’ked that you have to go through something that you don’t get a choice in and that so many people make you feel gross or lesser for it, I’m sorry you’ve all had to experience that.”

“I know there is a lot of really important discussions happening right now and I wouldn’t want to take away from them but at the same time #teachkidssexed #Bloodyundies&unashamed #Natchyisbeauty #Bedecent #stopshamingstartwashing.”

“Also, I did wash/soak them in a sink and yes I thoroughly washed the sink before I cleaned the undies, they’re currently hanging to dry and the bras are soaking.”


“You’re all amazing, thank you so much!!!”

“Final update: so she came home to a clean place and all her undies clean. She was really happy, first time I’ve seen her smile in a week so that made me happy.”

“It’s taking me a while but I’m trying to give/use all the coins I’ve gotten to give awards to the best comments. And thank all of you for your support.”

“I had moments where I regretted posting because people were messaging me to insult me or just to be really gross. But with all the support, I’m standing by what I said, if someone has a problem with it, then they can deal with it themselves.”

“Thank you all again for all your advice, awards, and support. I wish everyone the best!!!”

Redditors approved.

“This made me tear up, you’re a really kind and caring boyfriend/slash husband.” – sabi_2512

“You are so f’king adorable.” – yomamasamilf

“dude, you won life already. well done.” – willpauer

Based on the majority of the positive comments, this gentleman sounds like a keeper.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo