It’s 2021, and we’ve realized by now that food allergies and sensitivities are real and serious issues.
At least most of us have figured that out, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor 1996Niksversion still found himself ridiculed while hanging out with friends when he brought his own food because of his allergies.
But when he was still questioned, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was somehow wrong.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for bringing my own food to party because I couldn’t eat what was being served?”
The OP had to order food to meet his dietary requirements.
“A family member had a resigning party yesterday. I’m (25 male) allergic to tomatoes and they were ordering pizza from a place that doesn’t do pizza with white sauce.”
“So I got food from somewhere else. The host also knew I would be bringing my own food.”
“I had planned to eat my food before more of the guests arrived but I got busy helping my SO (significant other) and his sister with setting up so I ended up eating when everyone else was.”
An altercation happened during the meal.
“I was eating the food on the couch.”
“My boyfriend was outside and other people were getting some food.”
“Someone’s kid saw me eating and complained to their mum that I was eating something different.”
“The mum came up to me and told me it was rude to eat something different in front of other people.”
“She said it wasn’t fair to her son and now her son is asking why he can’t have what I was having.”
“I told her that I have an allergy and if her son wanted what I was having, she could go pick that up for him.”
The OP wasn’t sure what to think.
“She said that I should eat it somewhere else and be more considerate of other people.”
“I didn’t bring this up to my boyfriend or anyone else yet because I didn’t want to bring it up at the party, so I don’t know what their thoughts on it are.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was absolutely right to provide safe food.
“NTA. You had no choice but to provide your own food if you wanted to attend, and it’s very ungracious to expect a guest to just not eat at all during an event based around food.”
“She was very rude to make an issue of it, especially if she wasn’t the host. The host was also a little bit ungracious to not have an alternative that you could eat.” – JosieJOK
“NTA, you have an allergy, and if the hosts are fine with you eating something different (which they should be), it’s nobody else’s business.” – HTeaML
“Your hosts were fine with it. You made accommodations for yourself rather than add more work and expense for them. You were willing to eat in the kitchen before everything got started and the work YOU were doing to help them prevented that. You are NTA.”
“That other guest? Absolute a**hole. Took it upon herself to chastise you for something you already had the ok to do. It was not her business in the slightest. Evict her from your head and be happy with your boyfriend.” – Ok_Cry_1741
“NTA. You had no other option than to bring your own food. You didn’t make a huge spectacle of yourself, you were just trying to eat.”
“It’s clear that the child is going to grow up nice and entitled like its mother. And that has nothing to do with you. She could have used it as a teaching moment, and instead behaved like an uncouth jerk.” – Andante79
Others agreed and said the mother’s parenting skills needed work.
“A lot of parents don’t want to have to say no and deal with any pushback, so they try to just stop the situation from occurring in the first place.”
“Which is sad, because usually it’s much better to get kids used to dealing with hearing ‘no’ and the explanation why when they are young, as opposed to letting them get used to getting their way and then deal with the issues that crop up as they get older.” – codeverity
“Some parents just want to be the ‘best’ parent so they give them everything, thinking they’ll never want for anything.”
“But instead, they get a**holes the rest of the world ends up getting stuck with.” – TechyGuyInIL
“NTA. I hate parents that lash out at people going about their business instead of parenting their child.”
“It would have been ‘extremely rude’ to have an allergic reaction at the party, that would not have caused a scene at all. You’re good, OP.” – tommy_guitarist
“How old was the child?”
“One of the parenting books I like says that times your child is upset or melts down or misbehaves, even though they are a pain in the butt at the moment, are learning opportunities.”
“They are times your child is learning how to behave or handle difficult situations or feelings. And the goal isn’t just to avoid situations that are annoying for parents (though that’s understandable to not want to deal with too many tantrums) but to raise your child into the person you want them to be long-term.”
“Sometimes your kid is going to encounter things that upset them. And it’s our job as parents to teach them how to handle that.”
“So yeah, sometimes other people are going to have food your child wants but can’t have. That’s a part of life we can’t avoid so it’s our job to support them through those feelings and teach them to handle them.”
“Even my younger child who is just turning two goes to a daycare where different parents pack their kids different lunches, so she can’t have everything they see someone else eat. So this isn’t a situation this mom can just shelter her child from ever encountering.”
“It’s normal he is upset about it, perhaps. But her reaction needs work and perspective.” – TheHatOnTheCat
While the OP allowed the mother’s criticism to bother him for a moment, the subReddit insisted he let it go. Food allergies are serious, so eating pizza with red sauce would have absolutely been out of the question.
What wouldn’t have been out of the question would have been a constructive conversation between the mother and her child, and perhaps the OP as well, if they were willing to take part. This would have taught the child something about empathy, as well as people having different needs, not to mention feeling entitled to everyone else’s food.