My house, my rules.
That is a very popular mantra of many parents over generations.
For a solid decade or two it works in parental favor.
But then children grow up and make “friends” and rules soon go out the window.
That can cause some issues for everyone.
Redditor Fit_Departure800 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not letting my son’s girlfriend drink alcohol?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (48 F[emale]) son (25 M[ale]) has a girlfriend (18F), I had met her a few times and thought she was nice but childish.”
“They met on a dating app, she goes to college here in New Hampshire but her family lives on Hawaii so she wasn’t going to spend Christmas with them.”
“My son then asked me if she could be with us and I said yes.”
“After that, her mother (46F) sent me a message on facebook thanking me for receiving her daughter and we started talking.”
“At one point we were talking about wine and she told me that she was worried about her daughter drinking at college.”
“After she and my son arrived, I talked to her about what her mother has told me and asked her to not drink alcohol at dinner.”
“She was surprised but said it was ok and nothing happened.”
“The next day, my son called me to say that what I did was rude and that I shouldn’t treat his girlfriend as a child.”
“I think that I am in the right, the law is on my side and I was just following her mother’s wishes.”
“Am I the Asshole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA, especially since legal drinking age is 21 in the USA, but why are you ok with your son dating someone who’s 7 years younger than him and barely out of high school?” ~ jlh-4
“NTA OP, since it is illegal to drink at 18 in the US.”
“I am also with you on the age gap. I would not be happy if my 25m son was dating an 18 year old.”
“I remember being 25 and no way would I have dated an 18 year old boy.”
“She might be legal age, but that age gap, with those ages, has red warning signs all over.” ~ KarenMaca
“NTA. I mean, you just did what her mother asked, so there’s no questions here.”
“If your son is mad maybe he should rethink his choice of dating girl 7 years younger than him.” ~ ManWazo
“Ma’am I think you should be more concerned why your grown son wants to date someone still wet behind the ears.”
“I’m his age and the thought of dating someone that young is revolting.”
“But NTA, she’s underage. What did they expect? Lmao.” ~ ThrowRA_ohnonono
“In general, there is a huge difference between being allowed to drink alcohol and getting someone drunk. Not even the same ballpark.”
“In this particular story there is literally nothing about the son wanting his girlfriend drunk.”
“The son never even requested that she should be given alcohol.”
“The son’s girlfriend never even requested that she should be given alcohol.”
“The son just complained that his mother felt the need to explicitly ask/tell his girlfriend not to drink alcohol.”
“This is a very minor story where the son feels mildly insulted because he sees his girlfriend as mature enough to behave properly on her own without having to be told so, while his mother still sees and treated her as a child.”
“Nothing else.”
“Mother is NTA here, but let’s not judge the son based on our imagination running wild.”
“In the story we were told he did not want her drunk.” ~ misof
“NTA. Your son is an adult dating a teenager, he should probably get used to her not being able to drink in the same places he can.”
“I also have adult children, and I would be upset if one of them had the expectation that I would allow underage drinking of someone else’s child in my home.” ~ 4dramallamas
“NTA. She’s not of legal drinking age and she’s dining at your house.”
“I feel like your son is complaining about you treating her like a child because he’s trying to cover up that he’s literally dating a barely legal adult.” ~ imsorryimjusttired
“For me the entire judgement hinges on the legal drinking age.”
“As it is, she is underage, so OP can’t be supplying her with alcohol, and respecting her parents wishes is the right call.”
“If you were in the UK, where legal drinking age is 18, then she’s legally an adult, it’s no business of her Mother’s, and OP would be TA.”
“As it is, she’s underage, and OP may be treating her like a child but that’s because the law considers her to be so in relation to alcohol. NTA.” ~ 7DeadlyFrenchmen
“NTA. My son is also 25, if I were in your situation, I would not provide his girlfriend with alcohol.”
“It’s your home and your rules. I honestly think they should lower the legal age but the law is the law.”
“Your son expecting you to provide someone underage with alcohol places you in a difficult position.”
“I would not have mentioned her mother though, she is an adult so her mom not wanting her to drink is irrelevant.” ~ Razzmatazz_Certain
“NTA not that anyone would have found out, but there’s pretty strict penalties for underage drinking in your home.”
“Plus she is a LOT younger than your son, and you don’t know her that well.”
“It’s a little odd that you just approached her and said this, rather than wait to see if she tried to get some alcohol during dinner, but still NTA.” ~ Reasonable_Tax2446
“NTA. Your house, your rules, and your ass that would be in trouble for serving alcohol to an underage person.”
“You may want to have a chat with your son though for dating someone who is way too young for him.” ~ Prestigious-Pick-308
Well looks like OP has the support of Reddit on her side.
And might need to have a few other discussions with her son about this particular relationship in the near future.
It’s not easy being a parent to grown kids.