When we’re faced with moments and situations that trigger our own traumas, we can react badly.
What happens when that reaction doesn’t just affect yourself, but the people you love?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) NoEar4141 when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
He asked:
“AITA for calling my sister stupid and her and her husband ‘sh*tty parents from the start’ because of what they want to name their kid?”
First, some important background.
“Ok, so just a little context because this topic is incredibly touchy for me.”
“I am a man who was given a woman’s name at birth.”
“A good example is naming your son Alice.”
“It’s not what my name was but it’s close.”
“My parents are hippies and gave their oldest son a girl’s name to ‘stick it to the man’ and I will never forgive them for it.”
“That name caused me to be bullied and damaged my professional life in ways I cannot describe.”
“My sister is pregnant with her first child. A girl.”
“She and her husband are ecstatic, it just sucks that she inherited my parent’s stupid propensity to see their children as fashion statements.”
“Last night, she revealed to the family the name of her daughter.”
“It’s Krxstxl.”
“She wants to name her daughter Krxstxl.”
“Confused, the name is pronounced Crystal.”
“I already don’t like that name but it’s at least appropriate. I was not surprised to learn that my mom helped come up with the name.”
OP was blunt in his reaction.
“When she told me, I told her it was a terrible idea.”
“If she wants to name her Crystal, name her Crystal.”
“She tried to explain to me why the x’s are there and I just told her it does not matter.”
“She’s naming a human, not a dog.”
“I don’t care what kind of fashion statement she’s trying to make. This is a person who will have to live with that name until they die or has it changed.”
“She and my mom brushed me off as just complaining because I was never able to accept my name.”
“I told my sister she was being either selfish, stupid, or an incredibly strong combination of the two if she thinks her daughter will want a stupid name like Krxstxl.”
“We got into an argument, and I told her I already see her and her husband as sh*tty parents for using their kid to be off-brand with her name and left right after.”
“My sister is not taking it well at all, and my mom is furious with me.”
OP was left to wonder,
“I will not change my opinion on that incredibly stupid name. But I’m wondering if branding her as a sh*tty parent was too far. AITA?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Commenters were concerned for the kid.
“NTA.”
“This name will make it impossible to live a normal life. It will hurt her in many ways. Your sister is a narcissist who sees her child as an extension of herself, not an individual.” ~ DashfulVanilla
“NTA”
“I try to imagine how many people will this child try to explain to how it’s spelled… After she finally learns it herself…”
“It’s an unnecessary stress that the parents want to add to the child – just because they think they’re cool, unique and they wrongly “assume” that people will be jealous of their bright idea.”
“And you are the best possible witness (victim) of what a bad choice of name will bring.” ~ Signal-Database1739
“I have the Scottish spelling of my name but live in England and have spent 30 years correcting people. With something like this, I feel sorry for THE kid.” ~ grmthmpsn43
What’s in a name?
“My spouse had a student whose younger brother was named Tznce.”
“Pronounced ‘Chance.”’
“Like….what? Go ahead and name the kid Chance.”
“It’s a perfectly good name, uncommon but not super weird. Well, now it is.”
“SMH.” ~ BlueLanternKitty
“I had a student whose name was spelled ‘Kiiv”
“Nobody reading it would ever guess how to pronounce it, which was ‘Kee-ivy.'”
“People come up with some wild ideas when they’re naming their children.” ~ natidiscgirl
“NTA – My brother changed his name when he became an adult because my parents made a bad choice.”
“It was miserable for him. I mean, he got real abuse because of it.”
“My parents made a mistake, but knowingly subjecting your kid to that kind of harassment is sh*tty.”
“Too much ego on your sister’s part. It’s called toxic individuality.”
“And technically, that would be pronounced ‘Krckstckl’. That’s not being creative. It’s just dumb. Maybe buy your sister a spelling book as a gift.” ~ cryptoglyph7
Many felt the parents were out of line.
“NTA.”
“So many kids get bullied because their parents want to be unique.”
“I have a family member who named her son Billy but spelled it Bylee. She also has a son named RyVyr(Ryver) and a daughter named Kyty(Katie).”
“People that give their kids stupid names should be forced to allow their kids to rename them.” ~ missymaypen
“Why did it damage a professional life for you if you’re able to change it legally?”
“But yes, your sister and parents and BIL are stupid to think naming the child KryxTxl will be so cool.”
“Please show them the comments here. And then the door.”
“Why associate with stupid people just because they are family? Cut them out of your life. Get a new name ffs.” ~ Sad_Kaleidoscope8279
“No, you are NTA.”
“The fact that your sister named her child this, having seen what you went through, is SELFISH.”
“Whether or not they should, people are going to judge this poor little girl for the stupid spelling of her name.”
“Why do parents want to do this to their kids?”
“You see this baby’s name and think, ‘Does her mother hate her?’ because no one can take that spelling seriously.”
“Why don’t they just start saving for therapy for that child now. ~ Liverpoolfc_222
Not everyone felt that OP was in the right.
“I feel you.”
“It’s hard for me to judge in this case because I have a similar issue to yours that might make me biased.”
“I’m a woman, and my parents gave me a ‘unique’ name that sounds very male.”
“It’s also hard to pronounce in my country, so literally no one pronounces it correctly.”
“I didn’t get bullied for it, thankfully, but it is a constant annoyance.”
“I completely agree with you that parents should think about the fact that their child has to carry that name the rest of their lives, at school, at job interviews, etc.”
“A child’s name should, therefore, never be any kind of statement.”
“I do, however, think there is a bigger chance your sister will actually listen to your concerns if you don’t attack her but calmly explain to her how much your name hurt you and why you’re worried about your niece.”
“I guess for now, I would vote ESH.” ~ Papillon1985
“Thing is u/NoEar4141, you yelled at a pregnant woman that she is already an awful parent.”
“Now imo you should have taken your mom’s flaws and used those to tell her she end up like her mother.”
“Most of us have things we don’t like as our parents did to/for/with us.”
“The way I was always got my hair cut by an aunt and lost 250,- bucks the first time I went to a real hairdresser… no one thought me that.”
“I’m taking my two daughters to the salon. And they get to be thought decent hair care.”
“I know it is awful, but we turn into our parents so easily.”
“The number of times it snuck up on me that I’m my mother.”
“(Note I love her to death and can’t function with out her, but we should copy their strengths not their weaknesses)” ~ I_am_aware_of_you
“I think it’s just a unique way of spelling that name. I like that name, and no one should be called a child abuser that’s not abusing your child.”
“I hope that little girl keeps her name; it’s just a unique way of spelling Crystal. There’s a lot of ways you can spell that name” ~ Impossible-Tank-9515
“YTA all the way!!!”
“In no way whatsoever is it ok for you to take your baggage out on your sister!!!”
“What is wrong with you? It doesn’t matter what you think at all. You’re the soon-to-be excommunicated uncle speaking to the parents!”
“You can have an opinion, but you were childish and pathetic in how you expressed it.”
“If you hate your name and it affects you so much, stop whining and CHANGE it. You’re an adult.”
“You have every right to be upset about your name and the negative impact it had on you right up until you turned 18.”
“From that point on, everything that happened is because you’d rather be angry and lazy rather than change your life to be how you want it get over yourself!!!!” ~ Quiet_Nature8951
Clearly, the problem here wasn’t so much what was said but how it was said.
It is possible to stick to your convictions and make your point – while also being kind to the people who need to hear it.