People should communicate with their sexual partners to make certain they both are satisfied.
But what do you do if the issue is size?
Redditor ThrowRAMicropenis is in a relationship with a woman who proposed a solution to issues with their sex life that left him questioning if they should even stay together.
Feeling dejected, he turned to Reddit’s Relationship Advice and wrote:
“My girlfriend wants to have another sexual partner because of my micropenis.”
The Original Poster (OP) explained how his size was affecting his relationship.
“Me (26) and my girlfriend (25) have been together for the last 5 years. We didn’t begin having sex until a year after we started dating because I have a micropenis. I have been anxious about it and struggled with it all of my life and thought that my girlfriend would be accepting of it.”
“Because of my penis, we cannot have normal intercourse that satisfies her. I have to use toys to actually penetrate her. I feel like a defective man because of this, but she has tried to assure me she’s okay with it.”
“I even believed it until last week when she asked me how I felt about polyamory. I told her I wasn’t sure, so she asked me if I would be okay with her having a partner that was strictly for sex.”
“My heart sank, my worst fears were confirmed by my first serious girlfriend. I told her I wasn’t okay with it and that was the end of the discussion.”
“That night I slept on the couch and contemplated the relationship. I feel so f’king selfish, and so hurt at the same time. I’m denying her her first time to be with a real man who probably has an already larger than average penis, because I know once she tries him she’ll leave me.”
“I haven’t been able to look her in her eyes, kiss her, or even hold her since. I know it’s only a matter of time before she just f’ks whatever guy she found anyways.”
“Would I be better off just ending the relationship now, or waiting for her to do it?”
According to doctors, the size of a micropenis is 2.5 standard deviations below average. It is a rare condition that affects between 1-5 out of every 10,000 males.
The OP provided further details—including the size of his penis—which he said was:
“3 1/2 inches in length about 2 1/2 inches in girth.”
“We have sex pretty often, she has a high sex drive. I’ve gotten pretty good with oral sex and using toys so, she seems like she enjoys it and she usually has at least one orgasm before we stop, unless she’s been faking it for the last 5 years.”
“I’m pretty obsessed with my performance, but I enjoy it as long as I think she does. It’s glaringly obvious she wants to try penetration with a normal sized penis because she tries to do things like ride me, or sometimes wants me to actually penetrate her, but I can tell I’m the only one that enjoys that.”
Strangers on the internet offered words of encouragement.
“It sounds to me like you don’t give either of you enough credit.”
“For one thing, you belittle yourself, calling yourself not a real man, (also in the comments, not just in the post itself). The size of your penis doesn’t dictate your value as a man.”
“There will be people who laugh at you but those are lowest-common-denominator idiots and you really shouldn’t focus on that. What’s important is the people closest to you.”
“The second thing is the way you talk about your gf [girlfriend]. She’s already been with you for a long time. If your penis was a deciding factor in this, I don’t think your relationship would last as long as it has.”
“You say: ‘I know it’s only a matter of time before she just f’ks whatever guy she found anyways.'”
“Tbh it sounds to me like you already made up your mind on what will happen. And you seem to have already made up her mind for her, too.”
“If that’s the case, then prolonging a relationship you’ve already decided will fail, will only make it fail even quicker and it will suck for you both.” – TheGrimMelvin
This Redditor suggested the OP seek professional help.
“OP could really benefit from some professional therapy. His entire post is just oozing insecurity.”
“The fact that he’s claiming his girlfriend is going to inevitably cheat on him after 5 years because she tried to ask him a difficult question is just… OP needs help. He has self-loathing issues, confidence issues.”
“He sees his girlfriend trying new sex positions as a clear sign she wants to leave him. It’s such an enormous and bizarre leap to make.”
“OP get yourself some help. Your girlfriend cannot make you love yourself, you gotta learn to do that on your own.” – morethandork
This person suggested the OP abandon the relationship.
“First of all, you are a real man.”
“Just going to repeat that again.. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY A REAL MAN.”
“No ifs, buts, or maybes. The size of your penis does not dictate that or prevent it from being true. You deserve to be with someone that accepts all of you, and you shouldn’t feel bad or selfish for wanting that.”
“I’m so sorry that you are dealing with feeling inadequate because of that, but you are in no way defective.”
“Please just move on. There is absolutely someone out there that will accept all of you. And I truly mean ALL of you.” – dreamingofpens
This Redditor agreed.
“I 100% agree with everything you’ve just said, and think this is really good advice for OP.”
“I just wanted to add that it doesn’t make the GF a bad person either though. Sexual satisfaction is important in a relationship, and to me it seems like the two of you just aren’t compatible.”
“I’m not sure the GF went about it the right way, but equally I’m not sure if there is a right way to bring this up.”
“Good luck to both of you in the future, I’m positive that you’ll both find the perfect partner, and I’m sorry that it’s not each-other.” – a4991
This person said giving up should not be a default solution.
“I agree with everything you said except, ‘move on.’ That is not the answer to every relationship problem and while it may be the answer to this one, it is not the place to start.”
“The place to start in this case is couples therapy to explore and understand everyone’s feelings and needs. OP is indeed a real man, but he is lacking something that it is natural for his girlfriend to crave.”
“It is possible for her to love him, fully accept that he doesn’t have something, want it, and even get it somewhere else without loving him any less. That doesn’t make her a bad person.”
“OP’s feelings are real too, of course, but it is possible to get to a place where he doesn’t feel bad about this. Or not. Talking through and understanding it is key. Getting hurt and bailing out is not.” – bigrottentuna
But if he and his girlfriend chose to part ways, this Redditor assured him there are other women.
“I’m an asexual woman, I’ll have sex for my partner and for the closeness but I don’t care about it at all. I can’t come from penetration anyway so the bigger the penis the bigger the discomfort. I have no issues with micropenises.”
“I’m on a couple ace dating sites because I don’t want to accidentally trap some hypersexual guy into a relationship with low sex drive me lol.””
“OP, if there’s a way for you to make it work with this girl then that’s great, but if not, there are women out there that’ll be ok with either sexing you up regardless of penis size, or forgoing it altogether, it may be a needle in a haystack situation but that’s what the internet is for :)” – rainrain_throwaway11
This Redditor said both people in a relationship deserve to be sexually satisfied.
“I am a woman and I dont necessarily NEED penetrative sex. If my partner only used his fingers or mouth, I would be fulfilled sexually. Some women do need PIV though, and there’s nothing wrong with that; these two sound sexually incompatible though.”
“OP’s girlfriend already asked to have other partners, so she’s basically one foot out the door as it is.”
“OP should find a woman who is satisfied with what he has to offer, and not making him feel insecure about what he can’t. OPs girlfriend also deserves a relationship that is sexually satisfying for her too, and unfortunately that doesnt sound like it’s going to be with OP.” – Thr0w1tAllAwayyy
This Redditor had no qualms about pointing out a harsh reality.
“You said you were each others’ first, I’ll go ahead and assume you don’t have much experience with sex.”
“The thing is, having a small cock does matter. But because it’s 0% your fault, then it’s consequently 0% your responsibility. So you shouldn’t blame yourself.”
“However, it does matter, and it does suck. You wouldn’t blame an ugly girl for being ugly, but you still wouldn’t go out with her, would you? I assume there are some liberal-hearted people here, saying you’re just as good as someone who has a 6 inch cock. Well, when it comes to penetrative sex, you’re not.”
“Reality is, people are very versatile. It’s the most beautiful thing in life that everybody is an individual, everybody is different, and that goes for people’s sexualities as well.”
“Some women enjoy being f’ked in the ass, some women absolutely hate it. Some women love sucking cock more than anything, some women hate it. Some women love being eaten out, some women hate it.”
“You’re definitely in a tough situation, but it will serve as a precedent for the rest of your life. She obviously wants someone who has a bigger cock. You obviously aren’t comfortable being in a poly relationship (poly relationships may work when they start off as poly, they never work when one person in the relationships wants to open the relationship after they had been together as a monogamous couple, that never lasts).”
“It’s very easy to say, but very hard to do: walk away with your head held high, let her go. Mourn her loss. But accept, that sex is an important part of life, and just because you match with someone intellectually, or emotionally, doesn’t mean that you’ll match with someone sexually.”
“I don’t know how you like sex, but I’m telling you that there are girls out there who would go apesh*t for a guy who’s good and giving at oral.” – Kitudja
The OP did not return to provide an update on what he decided to do. Hopefully whatever that decision is, it leads to happiness and fulfillment for both partners.