Battling cancer is already challenging enough on its own.
Add in the stigma of losing your hair due to the treatments, and things can get even more difficult.
But is there any instance where someone has the right to dictate how others should look while they’re recovering from cancer?
A Redditor recently ditched his brother’s wedding after his family made an insensitive request, so he turned to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) to see if he was in the wrong.
He asked:
“AITA for not attending my brother’s wedding when he and mom wanted my girlfriend to do this?”
The original poster (OP) explained his girlfriend was recently treated for cancer.
“My M(ale)29 girlfriend 26F(emale) was diagnosed with breast cancer and it was one of the most devastating periods in my entire life. She’s the light of my life.”
“We’ve known each other for 6 years and hopefully we’re planning on spending the rest of our lives together.”
“Treatment was difficult. She started losing her hair after she started her treatment. She’s incredibly confident and it never occurred to her to wear a wig during/after her treatment.”
The OP’s girlfriend decided she liked her new look, so she stuck with it.
“Her hair grew back again. But she chose to keep her look from when she was receiving treatment saying it’s become part of her personality and it gives her strength just like it did in the past.”
“She’d shave whenever her hair grows. She’s not even bald. She does have very short hair and it really highlights her beautiful round eyes.”
“She even found a new style with her clothes that match with her new look.”
But the OP’s family didn’t care for the new look, and it sparked some controversy due to the OP’s brother’s impending nuptials.
“Although my family seemed uncomfortable with her new look. Especially my mom who asked why she won’t let her hair grow since she was done with her treatment.”
“I asked them to respect her and stop brining it up.”
“My brother’s wedding was last week. My mom pulled me aside and asked if my girlfriend already has a wig and if not she should get one to wear at my brother’s wedding.”
“I was taken aback. My brother seemed to agree. He kept huffing while I explained that it’s up to my girlfriend and whatever makes her comfortable.”
“My brother asked if I was serious. He claimed she’s probably trying to take attention away from him and his fiancée.”
When the OP made it clear he wouldn’t be attending without his girlfriend, the drama only escalated.
“I told them my girlfriend has no intentions on wearing a wig for any reason, period. They said fine, expecting me to come without her. But I refused.”
“Mom argued about how I’m going to make them the topic of gossip between guests. Called me stubborn and that I have to come since people with ‘class’ we’re coming.”
“I refused. And spent the day with my girlfriend making food, watching a movie and having some time alone.”
“The minute I turned my phone on, I got several calls and texts from the family calling me horrible, selfish, attention seeker etc. Saying I disrespected my brother and his wife and all my family.”
“Cussed me out and guilted me for not coming. I felt like it was a big deal since my uncles berated me too and I just felt bad.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
They assured the OP he was NTA for sticking up for his girlfriend.
“It sounds like you were uninvited for shallow reasons, and that’s what you can tell anyone who’s confused. NTA.”—bertiek
“NTA. Warms my heart to see dudes standing up for their SO. ❤️”—smashmag
“NTA. Even without her background (and I am very happy she is better!), she has every right to wear her hair however she wants.”
“Newsflash to your family: women can have short hair too.”—False-Explanation702
“NTA. I’m so glad your girlfriend is recovering. That’s wonderful for both of you.”
“She’s a tough one to go through that treatment and come out so strong. I’m appalled your family knows what she went through and are more concerned about her hair style than the fact she is recovering.”
“What shallow, small-minded people saying you are disrespectful. You should not feel bad at all but proud you stood up for your girlfriend when it counted.”
“I would ask any family who says that to you to explain how they were not disrespecting your girlfriend and why they think a hairstyle is more important than her health.”—squirrelsareevil2479
“NTA. Your family is a bunch of selfish and insensitive jerks.”
“No one has the right to demand that someone else change their appearance in order to ‘conform’ to expectations or to ‘reduce embarrassment’ or whatever lame reason is offered.”
“Were all of the balding or bald men invited to this event ordered to don toupees so that the lights didn’t reflect and mess with the photographs?”
“Of course not! That’s ridiculous! And so is your family.”
“I’m glad you skipped the wedding – it probably made your girlfriend feel utterly loved and supported.”—Mirianda666
Many wondered what “classy” person would judge someone who just battled cancer.
“NTA, but your mom and brother are.”
“Your gf just survived cancer and they are more worried about how the wedding photos will look and what ‘classy’ people will think. smh (shaking my head)…”—bigbuttf**ker
“It’s simply because they are so utterly void of all class themselves, that pretty much anyone would seem classy by comparison. It’d be such a shame if these ‘classy’ people were to find out what garbage company they were keeping.”—VeryAwkwardLadyBoner
“NTA.”
“When these ‘people of class’ asked where the groom’s brother was, wasn’t she planning on bragging, ‘Oh, he has this atrocious girlfriend who just finished chemotherapy and decided to keep the almost bald look afterwards, and not only did she refuse to wear a wig to the wedding, but he actually had the nerve to side with her, and when we refused to allow her to come without hiding her hairstyle, he refused to come without her. Can you believe how selfish and cruel he was to us?’?”
“Why wouldn’t she tell the truth and get sympathy for how horribly you treated them if they’re right and you’re wrong? What gossip are they afraid of if they’re the victims…?”
“Congratulations on valuing your girlfriend more than your family’s snobbery and to your girlfriend for having the strength to get through treatment. You two definitely picked winners.”—Clarisse1984
Perhaps the OP would be wise to limit contact with his family if they continue their toxic behavior.
“NTA.”
“There’s no way to be the a**hole in this situation. I have a hard time believing this is new behavior from them as well.”
“I really feel for your GF because that’s a tough thing to get through, especially young (I’m cheering that she is kicking a** right now and that she has you for a partner).”
“Really great job on laying down the law with your family. Nothing you said was unreasonable, rude, selfish, whatever they want to call it.”
“I would definitely put them in a time out for a month or two. Then discuss it with your girlfriend if you want or just tell her how you want to handle it in the future.”—Ilovegifsofjif
“NTA, they are toxic to your girlfriend. If you plan on getting married if I were you think twice on inviting the ones who were cruel to you and your girlfriend.”—Equivalent-Horror-67
It sounds like the OP’s girlfriend has an excellent partner, and we’re happy she’s rocking a look that makes her feel empowered after her tough health journey, despite what others might think.