Family. That word carries some heavy weight.
You always want to be there for family…if you like them of course. But you can’t be there for everybody all at once.
And prioritizing family can get pretty dramatic.
Especially on holidays…
Case in point…
Redditor sisterdramap wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for choosing to be with my heartbroken sister for Valentine’s Day rather than my husband?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I (29 f[emale]) am the oldest of two siblings A bother (28) and a sister who I will call Emma (21) for the sake of the post”
“I’m extremely protective towards my siblings due to our childhood (workaholic parents that were never there).”
“When me and my (30) husband met 7 years ago I explained I’m basically their mother and when they need me I will drop everything to go to them.”
“Even before we got married I made him promise me to that he accepted my loyalty with my siblings will always come first.”
“Recently my sister did something stupid which caused her childhood sweetheart whom she’d been with since she was 15 to ghost her.”
“Since the 9th of February she’s been staying at our home and I’ve been helping her deal with her first heartbreak which she’s taking bad (think Bella new moon bad).”
“Of course Valentine’s Day being so close it was going to be harder for her.”
“You can imagine my anger when my husband decorated our bedroom and got me an over the top gift basket with extremely expensive makeup/skin-care.”
“I don’t know if he make a stupid mistake trying to mean well or did he set out to prove a point as he’s been a bit of a crab towards my sister..”
“He hasn’t shown her any pity nor does he support me ‘treating her like an innocent baby.'”
“On Valentine’s Day he called me and said get ready he was taking me out to surprise me.”
“I honestly was needing a break out and I was glad we weren’t fighting anymore.”
“While I was getting ready my sister entered the room and had a breakdown which ended in a panic attack.”
“She was still crying in my arms when my husband entered our room dressed in a suit.”
“I just mouthed ‘sorry’ and he threw down the roses screaming ‘F**K IT I CANT TAKE THIS SH*T ANYMORE!!'”
“He came back home around 3am and slept on the floor of our bedroom (by his own wishes) since then he hasn’t spoken too me.”
“My brother has told me I was in the right as family comes first but my friends are on my husband’s side.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“You can imagine my anger when my husband decorated our bedroom and got me an over the top gift basket with extremely expensive makeup/skin-care.”
“No, no I really cannot.”
“Your husband made a lovely present for you and you were angry? That’s absurd.”
“Your sister is a grown woman who can deal with the fact that other people still have happy relationships… or had.”
“Because your husband is not going to stick around much longer if you keep doing this sh*t. YTA.” ~ Temporary_Badger
“I cannot either.”
“I can imagine if he’d decorated the entire house I’d have been angry because that would really have been in her face – but he decorated their private space.”
“And as a middle-aged woman who only twice in her entire life has received anything for Valentine’s Day.”
“The idea that you’d get angry when given a thoughtful gift plus evening out is utterly bizarre.”
“Unless your partner spent more than was sensible given whatever your finances are.”
“OP, YTA.” ~ NoiseProvesNothing
“The thing that gets me is that this has clearly been wearing on OP’s husband for a while.”
“And OP is so oblivious that she thinks her husband is happy and content being the least important person in her life.”
“Do yourself a favor OP, and set that poor man free.” ~ Jjustingraham
“I agree. At the start of the post I was like ‘I get it, I feel the same way for my sisters for similar reasons.'”
“But nah. This is too much.”
“Comforting someone for a night or two because of a break up is one thing.”
“But upending your/your partners entire life for another adult who isn’t in your relationship is something else entirely.”
“OP has co-dependency issues that are going to destroy her marriage.”
“And reading between the lines/from the husband’s response it’s fairly clear OP’s sister cheated on her boyfriend.”
“So OP’s response of coddling her and treating her like a victim would be a huge red flag to me if I were her husband.” ~ EliraeTheBow
“OP, you have some serious issues – please see a therapist.”
“You need your sister to need you, you are not being a good ‘parent’ if you haven’t ‘taught’ her or helped her to be a self sufficient adult.”
“And coddling her when she cheated?”
“I can’t even understand that- how is she supposed to learn if you just enable her all the time?”
“This whole thing is so toxic.” ~ Equal_Meet1673
“Especially seeing we’re getting hints that little sister sabotaged her own relationship and maybe needs to grow up a bit.”
“She ‘did something stupid…’ so stupid that her childhood sweetheart abruptly ghosted her.”
“Didn’t just break up with her, ghosted her.”
“Now little sister is crying and wailing and nobody else is allowed to have Valentine’s Day because of her precious feelings.”
“OP, maybe don’t trying being a ‘mother’ to someone who is only 8 years younger than you.”
“A real mother would have shut this down already.”
“YTA, and please apologize to your wonderful husband.” ~ DrunkOnRedCordial
“Of course he’s over it! OP’s brother doesn’t see him as family, what are the chances that it’s not just the brother that sees him that way?”
“OP didn’t correct her brother that her husband is family too in the post, so I’m going with she doesn’t even view him as family.”
“I would be so over everything if my partner and their siblings thought I wasn’t family and didn’t deserve to be treated like family.”
“Screw that.” ~ musryujidt
“Yeah that was my first thought as well. ‘Family comes first?'”
“Newsflash, your husband IS family and the fact that neither OP nor her family seem to value him as such speaks volumes.”
“Also, setting some sort of wacky vague ultimatum before getting married is not healthy.”
“She made him promise he would never feel bad or complain about her relationship with her siblings.”
“That’s wild. So much can change about family relationships over the years.”
“He’s never allowed to express boundaries or negativity if it’s hurting their relationship?”
“Sounds like a sh*tty marriage. Poor guy.” ~ bely_medved13
“I’m the youngest by a decent number of years.”
“So my brother and sister are like second parents to me.”
“And I would go out of my way to make sure I didn’t ruin a special day like Valentine’s or an anniversary for them, no matter how miserable I was.”
“Especially if I was miserable because I did something wrong and was suffering the consequences of my own actions.”
“The sister sounds selfish and manipulative.”
“Also YTA, OP.” ~ Malarkay79
“I was thinking OPs TA for very obvious reasons, but especially since she’s choosing her cheating sister over her neglected husband.”
“The sister is already moved in, you help her daily, you said yourself you needed a break.”
“Imagine how your husband feels?”
“You can’t even carve out 3-4 hours on a night he made reservations because… you need to hold your sister while she cries?!”
“Your sister chose to cry and have a meltdown as you were getting ready to leave? She sounds like a trip.”
“You are babying her. She’s not innocent.”
“She will live if you went out to dinner with your husband.”
“Your husband married into a relationship where he doesn’t matter… at all.”
“Looks like you and your sister are making your beds.” ~ God_Sayith
“This is exactly what I thought as well.”
“Major YTA OP.”
“I see a lot of women complaining about their husband’s or boyfriends not putting any effort in for Valentine’s day or doing sweet things for them.”
“Sadly in many cases it’s because they’ve tried it with someone like OP and it turned them off of it.”
“Got angry about a thoughtful gift and her husband treating her well… I just can’t.”
“It sounds like your sister cheated and if that’s the case she deserves what she gets.”
“Are you willing to flush your marriage down the toilet because your sister messed around and found out??”
“If so do your husband a favor and set him free. He deserves better.”
“Then you can move your brother in and live this ‘family before all’ lifestyle. YTA.” ~ TimeBomb666
“Info: I would love to know why your sister’s ex left her, because since you said she done something stupid I bet she deserved to be dumped and instead of letting her realize her mistake you’re babying her and treating your husband like crap.”
“Maybe you both end up single. Either way YTA.” ~ OneMikeNation
Well Reddit certainly didn’t mince words.
OP and her sister have A LOT of thinking to do.
Hopefully OP and the hubby will have a better Valentine’s Day next year.