Everyone has different levels of comfort with their bodies and states of undress, and what seems perfectly normal to one person can make someone else deeply uncomfortable.
A guy on Reddit found himself in this dilemma when his friends got upset when he got undressed to sleep in his underwear in their shared hotel room.
He wasn’t sure about how he handled the situation, so he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by theowaaaaaaa on the site, asked:
“AITA for thinking it was okay to take off my clothes to go to sleep in a shared hotel room?”
The OP explained:
“I (22m[ale]) went on a trip with three of my friends (24m, 24f[emale], and 22m). We got a hotel with two double beds. I shared a bed with one of the other guys, and the other guy shared a bed with the girl. We are all friends and none of us are romantically involved, but this is our first trip with all four of us.”
“Before I got into bed, I took off my clothes (I kept my underwear on). The guy I was sharing a bed with expressed some discomfort with that, so I put on some athletic shorts. He still expressed discomfort, so I put on a t-shirt. I went to bed and I didn’t think anything else of it.”
“However, the next morning, after I come out of the shower, I see everyone else get quiet when I get out. The guy told me it was weird I had taken off of my clothes to sleep, and the girl said that I made her uncomfortable. I didn’t see anything wrong with it, as as soon as someone expressed discomfort I put on my clothes.”
“I explained that, and the girl said I shouldn’t have taken off my clothes to begin with. I explained it was a misunderstanding (I haven’t worn pajamas to sleep since I was 12, and I didn’t interpret this as sexual in any way), and apologized, but she said it was best to do my own thing today and give the rest of them some space.”
“I understand I would’ve been the a**hole if I refused to put my clothes on, but I think this was just a misunderstanding.”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this conflict based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And many felt like everyone had stepped in it in this scenario.
“ESH. You should’ve just asked first, but ditching you the next day was uncalled for after you did everything you could to make it right.” —kfnnnp
“This is the right judgement. You are an oblivious AH and they are dramatic AHs.”
“You suck for not asking. It’s called underwear for a reason. If you wouldn’t wear it in public, why would you assume you can just all of the sudden strip down and climb into bed with a friend wearing just your undies? You just sound a bit lacking of social awareness to me, which makes you an unintentional a**hole.”
“Your friends suck for ditching you. You reacted appropriately when you were called out and did the things asked of you to remediate the situation. I probably wouldn’t care if a friend did this, but if I had different standards for modesty I still probably would just laugh it off. Your friends are being dramatic and over the top, and I think they suck the most in this situation tbh.” —eesshhh
“ESH. You don’t strip down to your skivvies when sharing a hotel room with platonic friends or family. It’s completely inappropriate.”
“However, them ditching you the next day after you explained yourself is also very immature.” —Warriormuffinhed
But many others felt it was OP’s friends who were the real a**holes here.
“Your friends have some weird hangups. I can see how it would be slightly weird with no conversation beforehand to strip down to your undies, but when someone expressed that it made them uncomfortable you put shorts on and apparently that STILL wasn’t enough?”
“Do these people go to the beach? AND they are so offended that they exclude you from the group for the day?” —Dr_A**hole_PhD
“Your friend are weird as fu*k lol” —Garbadon81
“Super odd. My friends wouldn’t have cared and if they did it would have been a “wtf put some cloths on lmao” and that’s the end of it. To exclude you for an entire day afterwards as if you sexually harassed them is insane.” —KarmaKaroo
“NTA. Lol. Is this Christian sleep away camp? Demand that everyone wear a full sweatsuit in the room at all times. And a bonnet! Can’t have those seductive curls billowing from the air conditioning.” —Any-Pay-974
“TIL (well, was reminded) that Americans are a bunch of ridiculous prudes. Boxers are basically shorts, and literally no different from her being in a sports bra.” —KatCLed
“It’s not like OP jerked off or tried to get his fu*k on or something, it was a faux pas, he corrected it, at best it’s something that should be laughed at over a few beers at some point in the future. I’ve broken friendships over stupid sh*t plenty of times but this one takes the cake.”
“All the people freaking out and saying the OP was an a**hole are prudes.” —Flatline2962
After reading some of his fellow Redditors reactions, OP came back to add some more context.
“EDIT: Was told to add that my guy friends wore undershirts and athletic shorts to sleep and the girl wore a sports bra and shorts”
“EDIT #2: For people implying that I’ve been creepy in the past, I’ve never had any issues with these friends, 2 of whom I’ve lived with for two years. Literally nothing else happened, which is why I’m so confused. If there were other key details, I would have included them, as this is a throwaway so I have nothing to hide.”
“EDIT #3: Other questions I keep answering. I was wearing boxer briefs, and my friends are American but I’m Canadian.”
Hopefully these friends can figure out how to move past this in the future.