In a relationship, it’s pretty common to share certain things, like food and maybe even shampoo.
But when it comes to prescriptions, those absolutely should not be shared, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor pinkybinderz was shocked when she discovered that her boyfriend had been using her expensive face wash that she needed for her eczema.
When he attempted to laugh it off, the Original Poster (OP) knew drastic measures were in order.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for locking up my ‘valuables’ in my house?”
The OP tried to be careful about spending money.
“I (21 Female) and my boyfriend (23 Male) have been living together for 2 years.”
“There has always been a bit of money struggle as I used to make more than him and have usually been picking up the slack in our household.”
“However, I have started a new job and am earning a lot less than before, so I’ve started to be more cautious about the amount I am spending.”
“During our relationship, I would usually buy all of his toiletries and most household products. I told him I would not be doing this anymore as I need to cut down my own spending and he also works and is capable of buying things on his own.”
But then the OP noticed a problem.
“I thought we had agreed to this but as time has gone on, I’ve noticed all of my expensive skincare and even my own deodorant being used up really quickly.”
“I asked him multiple times to please not use my stuff and even bought him his own skincare so that he could have his own things.”
“The thing that set me off was that I had bought myself a $220 dollar face wash that is only supposed to be used sparingly.”
“I have horrible eczema that I have prescriptions for and the products I buy are specifically for my eczema.”
“I hadn’t used it in a while and when I picked up the bottle it was empty.”
The OP had to make a change when her boyfriend wouldn’t respect her products.
“He laughed and said he would replace it but then refused to when he learned of the price.”
“I took inventory of everything else I owned and found out he had used up to $800 worth of product in around 3 months.”
“I know he isn’t naive because I tell him the price of everything I get and tell him not to use them.”
“I ended up buying a safe that I put under the sink and I put everything I had left inside and hid the key so that when I go to shower and get ready, I can use my own things and not worry about not affording to keep my skin in check.”
This led to a massive argument.
“When he found out, he lost it and said that I was overreacting and that I don’t trust him.”
“It’s turned into a massive deal and my friends think I’m being harsh.”
“I simply cannot afford to keep buying more skincare, and I’ve even been hospitalized this year due to a huge flare-up I had after running out of products.”
“He’s taking it very seriously and I don’t know what else to do as I’ve already tried asking.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were appalled by the OP’s boyfriend’s behavior around her prescriptions.
“I just can’t imagine someone using up an expensive prescription skincare product and not feel any remorse. My girlfriend sometimes uses medicated OTC shampoo for the dermatitis on her scalp.”
“It’s nowhere near $220, but it is still significantly more expensive than normal shampoos, so I would never use it without her express permission. But really, if I wanted to use it that badly, I’d just go buy my own.”
“It would be one thing if OP’s BF didn’t know the price of her stuff or felt sorry for using it/was willing to buy more, but that’s not the case. I feel most concerned about his lack of remorse and entitlement.”
“OP is NTA.” – trIeNe_mY_Best
“His priorities are simple. Him, then his convenience and comfort, then his bank account, then her health.”
“The NORMAL reaction to accidentally using someone’s expensive, necessary stuff is to apologize all over the place and replace.”
“NOT keep using it. NOT using it up. NOT watching the other person physically suffer.”
“He could take ten dollars and go get a bottle of shampoo, face lotion, and conditioner and chose instead to use her much more expensive stuff.”
“This is DEFINITELY dump-him time. But AFTER she gets anything valuable and portable into her locked trunk or that safe.”
“The threat of small claims court is not a small threat. He should cough up $500 or more, or off he goes. Otherwise, he’ll learn nothing and do the same thing to the next girlfriend, I mean, victim.” – maroongrad
“This would be bad enough if it was expensive because OP had a preference. But the flare up was enough to put her in the hospital? Dude has his priorities all messed up. Get away, OP.” – LeikOfForest
“The boyfriend is using what is known as the Red Flag skincare routine.”
“And when OP’s skincare products aren’t just some nice lotions but actual prescribed medicated creams for a medical condition, it’s about way more than skincare.”
“He’s maliciously stealing her medication, knowing that it’s expensive, then laughing about it, and refusing to pay her back.”
“And now he’s whining that she locked up her stuff.”
“If he’s truly not going to use her stuff, then it doesn’t affect him at all if she locks it up. He doesn’t get to complain that she doesn’t trust him when he’s openly and unapologetically untrustworthy.” – activelyresting
“Note, he specifically refused to pay her back because it was expensive.”
“He feels entitled to OP’s things and sees no problem mooching off of her. This is a guy that will always hold OP back and keep on lying and stealing from her. Because he doesn’t respect OP, that shines through all of this.”
“OP should take his admissions and go to small claims court after dumping the guy.” – Academic_Snow_7680
Others thought it was time to leave the relationship behind.
“Get rid of the boyfriend. He doesn’t respect you and keeps on doing the same thing when you have told him to not use your skincare. Instead of going all the way to buy a safe to keep him away from your products, keep him away from yourself.” – CoffeeMoviesandCats
“If you can’t trust your partner to respect your wishes, leave him. It’s not worth the headache or skin flare-ups. NTA.” – ConnectionUpper6983
“‘My boyfriend’s selfishness caused me to be hospitalized and he doesn’t feel the least bit bad about it. AITA?'”
“Girl, dump his a**.” – URSmarterThanILook
“Her friends think that she was harsh on him. Seriously. Because she ended up buying a d**n safe to keep him from stealing her stuff over and over again, and laughing at her when she confronts him. With friends like these, who needs enemies.”
“And it’s not like she’s keeping regular toothpaste and handlotion in there, she’s keeping expensive stuff that keeps her from being hospitalised. Again.”
“But she really should just have bought new locks and thrown him out. And she should kick out those so-called friends while she’s at it.”
“There is no way this could end well. It’s just a question of how long it will take her to realize that.” – Zupergreen
“I dunno, ‘My partner uses my prescription stuff to the point it causes me a HOSPITALIZED flare-up’ might have been my breaking point.”
“THIS PERSON DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU, OP! Do you think you could rely on this person if you got pregnant?”
“NTA, but you would be to yourself if you stay in this relationship with someone who does not care about you.” – HLaKor
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an unfortunate update.
“I had a talk with one of my friends who said they had no idea that he was taking more than $10 products, which explains why they all thought I was being harsh. Unfortunately, we share a friend group, so breaking up was looking really hard.”
“UNTIL I sat him down for a talk to try to convey why I don’t trust him anymore and how important my skincare is.”
“The conversation went on for some time and I actually thought he may be turning a new leaf until he told me that in our first year of being together as a couple (when I had a few flare-ups before finding some good products that worked for me), he had been taking my oral steroids that I was prescribed with, thinking that they would make him buff at the gym.”
“The whole year I battled through insecurities and unbearable pain because I wasn’t able to overcome my flare-ups.”
“Honestly, that was the thing that snapped me completely. I’m staying at my friend’s house for a week and letting him pack his things and figure out a place to go.”
“Thanks again to everyone who was so kind and helped me realize how stupid I was being.”
While the subReddit could understand that breaking up can be hard, especially when you live together and share a friend group, they otherwise felt the OP needed to leave for her own health and safety.
She had already ended up hospitalized for her condition once, and surely it would happen again if her prescriptions kept disappearing.