Losing weight after giving birth to a baby should not be a priority.
People need to understand that woman’s weight is not a topic of discussion. We are done with body shaming people.
Redditor iamimy23 encountered this very issue with his wife. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
He asked:
“AITA for making my wife’s aunt cry on her birthday?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“English is my 3rd language. Throwaway account and also in mobile so apologies.”
“My (34M) wife (32F) and I have been invited to my wife’s aunt’s (MIL’s sister) birthday party. Just a little context, in our culture it’s acceptable for elderly members of the family to speak their minds, they are elders and we should respect them.”
OP had a long conversation with his wife after having their kid.
“My wife has just given birth to our 1 month old daughter and she has been very conscious of how she looks post pregnancy.”
“I kept telling her she looks great and that it takes time to get back in shape after giving birth.”
“When we arrived at the party, we went to greet her aunt and give her her gift. The first thing she said was ‘oh my, how much weight did you gain?'”
“She said it loudly enough for other relatives to turn and look at my wife. I could tell my wife was hurt but managed to smile and just changed the topic.”
OP’s aunt did not stop there.
“Fast forward to dinner, my wife’s aunt keeps pointing out my wife’s weight like ‘you need to watch what you’re eating’ ‘you should really just eat salad’ what made me angry is when she said “(my wife’s name) looks like the roast pig on the table, the only thing missing is the apple.'”
“It broke my heart to see my wife humiliated and seeing how her relatives tolerate and laugh at the ‘joke.’ I told her aunt ‘you shouldn’t be body shaming anyone especially your own blood. My wife just gave birth and still recovering. You wouldn’t really know how it is cause you never had children of your own.'”
“My wife’s aunt is a 54 year old single lady, no children. This made her cry and leave the table.”
“We were kicked out of the party by MIL and her siblings. They all think I’m an AH for breaking my wife’s aunt’s heart on her birthday.”
OP is not sure if they’re to blame.
“Now this is why I think I might be the AH as I knew that she had a miscarriage when she was in her 30s and that her partner left her after she lost her baby.”
“I never meant to hurt her like that, I just got fed up of her fat shaming my wife. I really felt bad about what happened.”
“The following day we went to her house to apologize. My wife thanked me for standing up for her but also felt bad for her aunt. Everyone in my wife’s side of the family still thinks I’m an AH.”
“So AITA?”
OP added some edits.
“Edit: Thank you everyone! I didn’t expect that my post would get this much attention. Thanks for the awards and upvotes. Big thanks for your well wishes and congratulations, I showed this to my wife and it made her happy.”
“More info- AIL is considered an elder in the family as their parents have both passed and she and MIL together with their other siblings are technically the elders of the family.”
“While my wife grew up with a big extended family, I only grew up with my mom. She passed away a few months after I married my wife (didn’t even get to see her granddaughter). I never knew my father and having been welcomed by my wife’s family is a blessing for me.”
“AIL never apologized to my wife and just pretty much told us to get used to ‘jokes’ like these as it’s how the family interacts. The part where my wife said AIL can be a big part of our daughters life, I told her I didn’t think it’s a good idea and she apologized for saying it without asking me first.”
“We both agreed to talk to my in-laws to set them straight. My wife and I will be relocating to the big city (6 hrs away from our province) 3 months from now (work related) and if they won’t apologize, they will not be a part of our daughters life.”
“I feel bad for doing this as my wife is quite close to her family, but we both feel like we have to protect our child from her toxic relatives. And yes, we are Filipinos.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA.”
“Yeah you went straight for the jugular and some people will say YTA for that. But if someone continually harasses and humiliates your wife, they deserve to have their jugular gone at. Imo, you could have gone harder and you still would be NTA. Aunt got precisely what she deserved.” ~ DeathPanel57
“You should both put them all in a time out for 6 months, no communication at all and see if they can learn respect.”
“Not one of them stepped up and told Aunt to stop, not even your wife’s own mother. You did the right thing and now they all need consequences for their behavior so it doesn’t happen again.”
“Their consequences should be that they see none of you, including your baby, until wife is ‘more acceptable’ with her weight /s.”
“Make them pay, ‘since all of you are so cruel about Wife’s weight we will honor your wishes by not subjecting you to our presence until wife is physically more acceptable to you all.’”
“Make it backfire on all of them. ;No, you can’t see the baby, we wouldn’t want to subject you to my weight gain since it obviously causes you to be rude and unfeeling.'”
“This is including her mother and anyone else who just sat there and allowed it. Screw them. After a few months see if they can learn to respect your family.” ~ CJSinTX
Shaming someone for their weight is never okay.