Wedding invites can be considered sacred for many.
Newlyweds want everyone there who is there to support and send well-wishes.
Nobody wants people with whom they have beef with attending.
But siblings may have something else in mind…
Redditor Positive_Situation71 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my brother he cannot bring his date to my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (27 F[emale]) I’m getting married to my fiancé (26 M[ale]), who I have been with for the last six years.”
“Our wedding date is very soon, and last month I asked for all RSVPs to please let me know who they were all bringing to the wedding.”
“My brother (23 M) did not respond to this, so I texted him to find out who he was bringing.”
“He acted very nonchalantly, and he said, ‘Oh, it’s just Carrie (25 F).'”
“Now Carrie and I have a very long history, but I will sum it up to the fact that she was my high school bully.”
“I told him I’m sorry, but she will not be allowed to attend my wedding, and I stated that she bullied me throughout high school, saying things about me behind my back to several different people, to the point where I only talked to two people my entire senior year because of her.”
“Just a week prior to this conversation that I had with my brother, I was talking with some of my friends who still live in our hometown.”
“And one of my friends, let’s call her Chelsea (29 F), told me a story about how Carrie had tried to get Chelsea‘s B[oy]F[riend] to cheat on her with Carrie.”
“I did tell my brother the story I was told by Chelsea about Carrie that happened three weeks before that conversation.”
“My brother then stated that he would not be coming to my wedding if he could not bring Carrie with him.”
“I said I’m sorry, but I will not have my high school bully attend my wedding.”
“It’s your choice to not come, but we would be holding a spot for him at the ceremony and reception if he decided last-minute that he was going to attend.”
“I also stated that if you would like to bring anyone else, he’s more than welcome to, that she is the one person that I refuse to have at my wedding.”
“I told my mother that my brother had decided that he would not be coming to my wedding and she cried and tried to get me to change my mind to allow her to come, but I just know having her in attendance I’d be super self-conscious about everything going on and more worried that she’s gonna be talking s**t about me behind my back to my family.”
“The OP was left to wonder:”
So, Reddit, am I the a**hole for telling my brother that he cannot bring his plus one to my wedding?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Are you an a**hole for refusing to invite your high school bully to your wedding?”
“Oh hell no, NTA.”
“You handled your brother’s request to bring her graciously and firmly.”
“She’s not invited, and if he decides not to come as well, you respect his decision and still he’s welcome to attend.”
“And your mother, oh please, she can turn off the manipulative water works.”
“However, you need to have a contingency plan because your brother may show up with Ms Thing, so you need to be prepared to kick her sad behind to the curb.” ~ quincebush
“No. The thing about weddings is that they are about the bride and the groom.”
“Not about the bratty little brother or the mom who would rather make excuses for him instead of support her daughter on her special day.”
“I get that Mom just wants everyone together, but she is directing her dismay at the wrong child.”
“Your brother is an a**hole.”
“Try to enjoy your day.” ~ karlmonke
“For real.”
“Why is it always the person setting a reasonable boundary who is told to suck it up?”
“Why can’t mom cry to obnoxious little brother to change HIS mind?”
“He’s lucky to get a plus one at all, given that he does not appear to actually be in an existing relationship with this woman.”
“NTA, OP, hold that line.” ~ Little_Pangolin-2025
“NTA. Bro could bring a dead skunk from the side of the road to the wedding, and that would be less inappropriate than who he has suggested.” ~ SalaudChaud
“NTA! This is YOUR WEDDING!”
“You and your Fiancée must be comfortable at YOUR WEDDING!”
“Carrie must not be there.”
“Have some friends prepared to escort her and your brother off the property if they show up together.”
“Enlist close friends now who will have your back.”
“Have a simple plan and a code word to put into action.”
“Make the only drama of your wedding be that someone didn’t get enough cake!”
“May you both have a lifetime of happiness!” ~ MackaRhoni
“NTA. You’re entitled to ban a specific person, who did you wrong in the past, from your wedding day.”
“You’re not barring your brother — just Carrie.”
“He’s the one choosing to take it personally to him.”
“As a side note, your mother should be on your side about this, and trying to convince your brother, not you.” ~ silentjudge_
“Of course, your high school bully can’t come to your wedding!”
“I’m so sorry your brother has such appalling taste in women.”
“Hire security and do what you can to put the bully behind you.”
“And should you get any nonsense about being the bigger person, laugh.”
“Seriously, Carrie has had nine long years to come to terms with her ugly, harmful behavior and apologize.”
“She hasn’t. NTA.” ~ Nester1953
“NTA. I’m not a hardcore ‘your wedding, your rules’ gal, and usually think people should be flexible, but this is definitely a situation where you shouldn’t even need to think about it. No.”
“You shouldn’t have someone at your wedding who makes you uncomfortable.”
“That’s not ok.”
“Your brother is TA for his response and even for wanting to bring her in the first place.” ~ jenjluginbuhl
“NTA. Also, your mom chooses your brother over you.”
“Why in the f**k would she be ok with someone that bullied her daughter in High School come to her wedding?”
“Your brother obviously doesn’t like or respect you.”
“So I would go low or no contact with anyone telling you to just allow your BULLY to come to your wedding.” ~ UpperAd5834
“Absolutely do not change your mind!”
“As a mom, it blows my mind that your mom would even try to change your mind.”
“I would be calling my son and ripping into him for not only saying he would bring the bully to the wedding, but for dating her to begin with!”
“NTA one hundred times over.”
“Your brother is a big AH and your mother a little less.” ~ Top_Caterpillar_5219
“NTA. This is your wedding, and your mom needs to quit worrying about your darling brother trying to make it about himself and his ‘date.'”
“Side note there – Carrie probably is the one putting him up to forcing the issue and pressing for her attendance precisely because she wants to make you uncomfortable.”
“One last dig for Carrie.” ~ letdogsvote
“NTA. You handled it right, made sure he understood he was still invited and still had a plus one.”
“Hold your ground.” ~ OkManufacturer767
“NTA. Your wedding is about you and your new spouse, and celebrating your relationship and commitment to each other.”
“You deserve to be able to enjoy yourself without worrying about your high school bully being there.”
“It sucks that your brother won’t be there, but it sucks even more that he’s choosing her over you.”
“Don’t let anybody make you feel like you have to have her there.”
“You can absolutely get married without your brother being there.” ~ peakerforlife
“NTA. It sounds like you have a history with your brother, too.”
“And your mother is crying to the wrong person. Sheesh.” ~ bobhand17123
“NTA – you’ve been clear why, told him he could bring someone else, etc.”
“If he does not come, it is too bad, but it’s not worth having a bully at the wedding.” ~ ShipComprehensive543
OP came back with some updates…
“Update 1: For those of you who are suggesting that I have a conversation with my mom, and she has in fact, cried to both of us about the situation, I have had the conversation with my mom and she has finally come to terms with the fact that if my brother wants to be there, he will and if he doesn’t that’s his loss.”
“My mom is more worried about it putting a rift between me and my brother than the fact that Carrie was my high school bully.”
“My brother stated that he had not dated anyone in the last 4 years and just got the courage to ask her to come to the wedding.”
“And now he is more embarrassed to tell her that she can’t come, then that he would rather not go at all.”
“Update 2: (final update)…”
“My wedding was this weekend, and it was beautiful.”
“The night before the wedding, my family and friends all went out to eat together (my brother included).”
“We had a really nice dinner, it was so nice to see everyone.”
“My brother and I did not speak.”
“My mom and family respected my request not to have Carrie in attendance.”
“My brother did not attend the wedding at all, and honestly, I did not notice until we got to family photos.”
“But it was his choice not to show.
“His not attending did not affect me at all.”
Reddit is proud of you, OP.
Your brother’s behavior is outrageous.
He’s the one who will have regrets one day.
It’s great that you had a fabulous day!
Congratulations!
And… Carrie WHO?!