Nudity is a taboo in some cultures, but completely normal in others. Communal saunas and baths in some parts of the world require nudity—no swimsuits or other clothing allowed.
Nude beaches are also common in some parts of the world, but extremely rare to nonexistent in others.
When someone from a culture comfortable with nudity interacts with someone extremely uncomfortable with it, misunderstandings can occur.
A French man turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback after his American girlfriend freaked out after a visit to a nude beach.
The responses got… very, very personal.
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Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no official voting acronyms and no final judgment given.
GloomyMacaron9881 asked:
“AITAH for getting naked at a nude beach while on vacation with my girlfriend?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I’m originally from France, but I’ve lived in the US for a long time. My girlfriend is American. We’re in our late twenties.”
“We recently went on vacation to France and I suggested we visit a nude beach I’ve been going to since I was a kid. At first, my girlfriend was a bit hesitant, but later she decided she wanted to give it a try.”
“When we got there, she was clearly overwhelmed at first, which I completely understand. There’s definitely a cultural difference here.”
“As usual, I got naked and planned to go for a swim. My girlfriend got upset and accused me of ‘showing off’ to people.”
“That’s absolutely not the case. I’m just comfortable in my own skin and this is totally normal for me. I’ve been to nude beaches many times, and it’s not sexual or performative.”
“I even pointed out that there were people of all ages there, just relaxing and enjoying themselves without any judgment. I went for my swim, but when I came back, she was really upset.”
“That’s what a nude beach is meant for. Most are clothing optional, so if someone is not comfortable they can just wear a swimsuit. No one is forcing anyone.”
“I like being naked, she preferred to stay clothed, and that’s totally fine. I just don’t get why people feel the need to judge.”
“From my perspective, I don’t think I did anything wrong, this is just how I grew up. But she feels disrespected.”
“So… AITAH?”
The OP later added:
“Most saunas in Europe are nude only, but in the US, I hardly ever see that. I get that Americans can be more private about nudity, but what really hurt me was how she spoke to me afterward.”
“I never forced her to come with me. At first, she didn’t like the idea, but later she was the one who suggested we check it out.”
“She knows I’ve been to nude beaches before and that I’ve been naked there as well, so it shouldn’t have been a sudden surprise for her. If she had simply said let’s leave, I would have gladly agreed.”
“But the way she accused me of showing off is what really hurt me.”
“When we got back to the hotel, we talked about it again and she said, ‘Now I understand why you work out so much and go to the gym, you just want to show off to people’. That’s not true at all.”
“How is having a fit body even connected to this? For me, going to a nude beach isn’t about showing off, it’s just something I grew up with and feel comfortable doing.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP did nothing wrong (NTA)—but they had questions.
“That doesn’t even make sense. You can show off a fit body at a non-nude beach. The only part of your body you could even potentially show off at a nude beach, is the part that is not effected by how much you work out.” ~ Thistime232
“I mean, I feel like even with a swimsuit, most of your body would still be uncovered.”
“Is there some sort of penis workout I’m unaware of, because I don’t gym?” ~ llama_some_drama
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“NTA. Getting naked is the main activity at the nude beach. Your girlfriend knew that.” ~ SilentBumblebee3225
“She got upset that you got naked at a nude beach where other people were naked? How were you exactly showing off? Were you two sitting next to a bunch of young hot girls and you got nude to show off your huge member to them?”
“I doubt that was the case. It is like going to a steakhouse and being upset that you ordered steak. That was the whole point of it.”
“The issue is with herself and her insecurities. She was just uncomfortable, so she needlessly blamed you.” ~ 18k_gold
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“How do you know he has a huge member? Were you there with your telescope?” ~ Entry-Party
“Just curious what you think the girlfriend accused him of ‘showing off’ when he took off his trunks.”
“Some nice manscaping? How well his butthole bleacher did? Some really big balls? Some really tiny balls?”
“Maybe he has a really nice a** cheek tattoo? Large gaudy diamonds on his Prince Albert? Maybe it’s just nicely shaped.”
“I’m not exactly sure what folks look for in a penis, but I’m sure some people out there have very specific tastes.”
“My bet is on huge member, but I’m curious what other interpretations are.” ~ hitbythebus
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After this exchange, the OP commented:
“What the heck did I just read‽‽”
“Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d see a bunch of strangers talking about my ‘member’. 😂“
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“Yes, I’ve got a ‘huge’ member, but that’s not why I was there.”
“I just wanted a nice swim and a chance to relax!”
To which someone responded:
“No wonder she was upset. You are in the wrong subReddit. Post in r/Longjohns.” ~ e9967780
Redditors got back on track after establishing those… facts.
“NTA, what did your girlfriend expect at a nude beach if not nudity?” ~ GrizzRich
“Many Americans are extremely prudish when it comes to nudity.” ~ JadedDruid
“The girlfriend was never comfortable with the nudity and never had any intention of taking anything off, she was just going there to experience being around other naked people.”
“Still NTA, if that was her expectations, she should have communicated that clearly BEFORE they even went, so that OP could decide if he still wanted to go, even if it meant being fully clothed the whole time.” ~ MrRogersAE
“No, it’s not an a**hole thing. It’s a cultural divide. My ex-wife was from the States as well. Nudity is something a lot of them are not comfortable around.”
“If you’re just walking or swimming, that’s not problematic. I assume you weren’t erect because that would be problematic and you would have been kicked off the beach for the latter.”
“Nude beaches aren’t sexual. Families go there. But Americans have trouble separating nudity from sex.”
“To be fair, she should have just objected to going in the first place. It doesn’t seem like something she is comfortable with, and she should have just communicated this up front, instead of getting upset with you for just doing something natural.” ~ greftek
“NTA. It was a nude beach. I understand, she was kind of shocked, but what did she expect when she suggested you go to the nude beach? Just to sit around fully dressed looking at the naked people like a creepy American tourist?” ~ Barnabeo
“A person NOT taking off their clothes and sitting there staring at everyone would be the a**hole here (at least where I’m from). Also, Americans being prudes will never not be funny to me.” ~ vieze-visgraatvloer
“I go to a Korean-style spa—nudity is mandatory—and it helped a ton to get over myself. Seeing all sorts of body shapes and ages made me realize that everyone’s just a series of blobs and lines, and that most likely nobody is particularly looking at my set of blobs.” ~ PumpkinSpiceMayhem
“NTA – it’s a nude beach. What did she expect you were going to do? Put on a sweater?” ~ ShadyPinesStrut
“As an American myself, I can say that your girlfriend] is an idiot and is acting like a child. Yeah, she’s allowed to have decision remorse, but to accuse you of showing off shows just how immature and irrational she is. I’d want nothing to do with someone like that. NTA.” ~ Stop_The_Crazy
The OP provided a short update.
“After reading the comments, I feel maybe I could have handled things better. But tell me one thing, it’s a nude beach, so what do you expect?”
“People will obviously be nude. I know I should have stayed and comforted her, but I was excited because it had been so long since my last visit.”
“That’s why I apologised to her, even though I believe I wasn’t really at fault. I’d rather stop visiting nude beaches than end the relationship.”
“I truly love my girlfriend. But I also feel that a partner should respect each other’s choices, too.”
As one person pointed out, OP’s girlfriend can regret her suggestion they go to a nude beach. She can change her mind at any time, as well.
But attacking OP and accusing him of showing off was unacceptable behavior.