Every parent tries to pick the absolute "perfect" baby name.
But does the "perfect" name exist?
And when a name is chosen, other family members may try to call dibs.
Talk about family drama.
Redditor u/darling-daffodil wanted to share her experience and get feedback, so she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA: Sister is throwing a fit about us using her middle name for our baby?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I am pregnant with our first child; we’ve been trying for years, and it finally happened, and this will likely be our only child."
"My youngest sister has already had two children she did not pass the name on to."
"It is also my grandmother’s middle name, mother’s middle name, and goes back several generations in my family."
"When I told her I wanted to use it, she blew up at me and told me it was HER middle name to pass on, not mine, and planned to use it with her next child."
"I told her it was just a middle name and I didn’t see why we couldn’t both use it, since it is a family name and not just hers."
"She said if I use it, I’m an a-hole and she won’t ever speak to me again."
"I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my sister over a name, but I feel like she’s being a bit unreasonable because it is also my mother and grandmother’s middle name."
"My husband is really upset because he was really attached to the name and says I shouldn’t just roll over to my sister’s demands for a kid she hasn’t even conceived yet."
The OP was left to wonder:
"I still likely won’t use it, but if I do am I really being an AH?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. It's a family middle name, even though she has it too; also, she doesn't own the name." ~ Adaya_F_Rakshasa
"NTA. I gave my daughter my sister's middle name."
"It was also the middle name of my great-grandmother."
"I just gave it to her."
"I didn’t ask her permission."
"It’s a name, and your sister doesn’t own it."
"It’s very common for middle names to be passed on."
"Some families, all women have the same middle name."
"You should name your baby that anyhow."
"She doesn’t have copyright on a name." ~ bamagurl06
"All of my siblings and I gave our oldest daughters my middle name."
"All of our kids gave their oldest daughters my middle name."
"We’re hoping that tradition will continue through the generations since it was my mom’s middle name." ~ Emergency-Crew6564
"My great-grandparents had five boys."
"All five had the same middle name."
"It was actually kind of common back then because middle names weren't assigned at birth in their home country."
"So, as an add-on, they paid homage to the mother's family by using her father's name, which was John."
"All five boys used their middle names to name their boys; only in their case, they flipped the middle and the first."
"So, five grandsons were now named John 'Olaf,' John 'Paul.'"
"John 'Peter,' John 'Lars,' and John 'Anders.'"
"All the boys went by their middle names."
"Four of my uncles also had boys, and John was once again recycled."
"The uncle that only had girls named his daughter 'Johanna,' so he kind of got into it, too."
"Nobody is angry with anybody for using the name."
"Nobody threw a hissy fit."
"All of my John cousins plan on continuing some part of the tradition, and I used it for my son."
"Johanna isn't going to name any of her kids any form of John, because her last name is... Johnson." ~ Tight_Steak_232
"NTA. Say... 'We are using the name in honor of mom and grandma. If you have another child and if you want to use it in honor of yourself, that’s lovely too. I don’t want to fall out over something so small as me using a name thousands of other people use, but if that is your choice, I will accept it. We will not be changing our decision and very much hope you will not be so destructive over us honoring Mom and Grandma.'”
"And learn this lesson: do not share your names until baby is born."
"You can monogram things later."
"And people are less ugly when they get news of names while looking at a tiny baby who is already named." ~ Viva_Veracity1906
"NTA, most likely it never crossed your sister's mind to want to use the name until she knew someone else wanted it."
"Also, I grew up with a guy friend, and everyone in his mom’s family had the same 2nd middle name."
"Both boys and girls."
"She’s also being very overdramatic and self-centered."
"If this is what ruins your relationship, that’s on her and therapy, not you." ~ Murky_County_7353
"My mom's middle name is my grandma's first name."
"My middle name is the same."
"My brother used it for his daughter's middle name."
"When I had a daughter, she also got the same middle name."
"My daughter is too young to realize."
"But my niece loves that she has the same middle name as her cousin."
"My daughter also has another middle name, which is a family name on my husband's side, and his cousin had a baby a month before us and used it as her daughter's first name."
"The world didn't explode." ~ Acemegan
"My brother and I had our sons 5 months apart."
"They both have the same middle name, which is my brother's middle name, which is our father's middle name, which was either his father's or grandfather's middle name!"
"If our sister ever has a son, he will have that middle name!"
"And we even have a childhood friend who, if she has a son, will also give him that middle name!"
"Absolutely none of us have ever made a fuss about it; we actually think it's pretty neat."
"You really shouldn't let your sister or anyone dictate what you name your child."
"Do what makes you and your husband happy, and if that causes your sister to stop speaking to you, then will that relationship really be that big of a loss?" ~ redhairanddontcare
"Your sister is a drama queen who throws tantrums over being told no."
"Just do what you want with the name."
"One of two things will happen: either she stops speaking to you, and you no longer have the stress of her nonsense drama, or she backs down because she was bluffing and hoping you'd give in but actually has no intention of letting her target audience go (the more likely option)." ~ picturewithatwist
"You have to use the name."
"Stop giving in to her tantrums just to keep the peace."
"It is the only way she will stop."
"She is used to getting her way, so she keeps doing it."
"Once she learns her tantrums are ineffectual, she will hopefully stop. NTA." ~ ebenner13
"You won't be missing ANYTHING if you can get her never to speak to you again."
"She sounds ridiculous!"
"Name your little one what you want, and to shut her up, maybe the next time there is a family gathering, make sure to bring up the name of your soon-to-be child."
"THEN, let her have a fit about it publicly, so that she can embarrass herself in front of everyone!"
"Perhaps THEN she will see how silly she is being."
"Good luck with your new addition! 🤗." ~ MamaDee1959
"My husband was the only grandson/great grandson to be raised by his great-grandmother."
"He always wanted to use her name as a daughter’s middle."
"Well, we ended up needing to do IVF; in the meantime, his uncle (only 12 years older) adopted a little girl."
"They gave her the middle name."
"At first, my husband was so upset and bent out of shape about it."
"Especially not being her 'blood' and that grandson not being that close to her."
"I, however, thought it was sweet."
"If they had a bio daughter, they would’ve done the same thing."
"I also never believed in bio kids being more family than adopted."
"My husband eventually got over the hurt of it, and we also named our daughters' middle names that."
"Instead, it’s a cute thing the girls talk about sharing now."
"Use it."
"Your sister is whack." ~ Affectionate-Bear740
"NTA. She doesn’t own the name, just like your mother and grandmother didn’t when they passed it down."
"It’s honestly so stupid."
"Not that it matters, but it’s a middle name."
"Not to be remembered or asked about very often."
"Congrats on the baby!!!"
"Best of luck with the pregnancy!" ~ EibhlinOD
"Holy cow!!!"
"Tell your sister to grow the f*** up!! Yikes!!!"
"It's not HER name!!"
"Did she trademark it?"
"Is she going to sue anyone who uses HER name without HER permission?!"
"Honestly, never speaking to you again sounds pretty good to me."
"Stand your ground, name your child what you want, and ignore the narcissist. NTA." ~ mama_d63
"NTA. But your main issue lies in the sentence 'I don't want to ruin my relationship with my sister.'"
"She's the one ruining the relationship over some BS."
"Not you."
"You roll over on this; it'll only give her the confidence to keep demanding anything she wants of you, no matter how unreasonable." ~ jmc4297
"NTA. Tell her I said I hope she has nothing but boys from here on out." ~ bellonientes_530
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your sister sounds unreasonable.
You focus on your baby.
If this is the name that feels right... you have every right to use it.
Congratulations and good luck.
