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Host Balks After BIL And His Kids Snoop In Fridge When Dessert They Got ‘Wasn’t Good Enough’

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Big old family dinners can be pretty stressful for the host. That’s why people usually are glad to rely on their relatives keeping their own children in check.

After all, nobody is trying to cook, entertain, and babysit all at the same time.

But a recent post to the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit showed sometimes that’s inescapable.

The Original Poster (OP), known as Palomie, laid on the sarcasm right in the post’s title. 

“AITA for treating my brother in law and his kids ‘like criminals’ when he was pissed I wouldn’t let them eat cake?”

First OP rattled off some key details. 

“My husband and I hosted his family for dinner Sunday. His family consisting of his parents, brother, sister in law and nieces who are 10 and 7.”

“So I had some cake in the fridge that my sister gave me.”

“It had alcohol in it so when the kids came I pushed it to the back of the fridge so there would be no questions asked.”

All seemed in order to OP, until the night progressed.

“Halfway through dinner the kids wanted the bathroom, my husbands brother gets up and brings them, which I found weird…”

“…but it turns out he went with them so he could help them snoop through our kitchen, because the ice cream we had prepared for desert was not good enough for the kids, they wanted something chocolate.”

“Cue them finding the cake and asking for some.”

Then the opinions started flying. 

“I said no. The kids acted up. My husband was like what the hell were you doing in the kitchen (to his brother) and the bathroom is nowhere near the kitchen.”

“His brother completely ignored my husband and asked me how could I say no to kids having cake and tempting them like that.”

“I said he shouldn’t have snooped and how would he like if I snooped in his house. He told me there was no need to accuse them of that shit in front of the kids.”

“My husbands parents ended up ushering them out of the house to end the fight and were asking him why he’d do that sh**.”

Eventually, OP and the brother-in-law had it out. 

“He’s still pissed at me though for ‘being accusatory’ in front of the kids and treating them like they were criminals.”

“He called me an a**hole and said I should talk to the kids and apologize for being so mean with them.”

OP closed with some reflections.

“Initially, I found that so damn insane but now I’m wondering if, since the kids are still reasonably young and my brother in law influenced them, should I let them know I’m not mad at him?”

“Because I do put this on my brother in law since he’s the adult and seemingly encouraged them to snoop. But I don’t know.”


Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

With nearly unanimous agreement, Redditors determined OP was not the a**hole. 

Many were shocked by the brother-in-law’s audacity. 

“The absolute absurdity of rummaging through a host’s kitchen and going ‘I WANT THAT.’ ” — GumpTheChump

“NTA, this is a CLASSIC manipulation that toxic people use when they are called out for unacceptable behavior.”

“He violated a boundary. You expressed to him his behavior was not acceptable.”

“He then makes the issue the way you raised your greivance. This way the focus of the disagreement becomes how awful you are for objecting to his behavior instead of his poor behavior.”

“Now he can play the victim and demand apologies without ever addressing HIS poor behavior. Don’t fall for it. His poor kids are learning this. Ugh” — LeeLooPeePoo

“He’s mad you accused them…of something they actually did? Wow…. just…wow. NTA 100%.” — bibliob**ch

“NTA. He needs to apologize to you and to his kids for his inappropriate behavior. He a) acted entitled about the ice cream and didn’t even ask if there was another option”

“b) went through your things without permission with the kids (either they asked and he isn’t a good enough father to say no to kids or teach them manners or he gave them the idea)”

“and c) got upset about you being “accusatory” which you weren’t. He did something, and you were upset. Does he know what an accusation is? Because that’s not an accusation. There is no disagreement of facts here.” — tyson_de

Many emphasized that OP was doing a good thing by engaging the kids. 

“NTA – If he needs to learn not to go looking through people’s homes without permission, the kids could probably use the same lesson.” — LukeyHew

“NTA if being accused of doing what they actually did is “treating them like criminals”, then they’re calling themselves criminals.”

“Who the hell snoops through cupboards then demands food that’s not been put out? Very entitled and rude behaviour to teach the children” — Wise_Date_5357

“NTA – just let the kids know that you’re not mad at them and that their dad shouldn’t have said it’s okay to look into places that aren’t theirs. Explain why they couldn’t have the cake too since it’s had alcohol in it.”

“But the BIL sounds like a child as well so explain it to all of them” — Zzzzoltar

“NTA… getting called out for bad behavior. It’s a good example for the kids. Behave poorly, get called out for it.” — andyman234

Some advised some more serious retaliation.

“NTA. Guests snoops through your stuff and demands to have it. Only a matter of time until they walk into your bedroom and demand your clothes and jewelry.”

“Fact is they had no business going through your stuff. It’s clear that BIL influenced the kids, but it’s equally important to let the kids know that it’s wrong to go other people’s stuff.”

“Personally, I wouldn’t invite them over again.” — nebunala4328

“NTA. But I would suggest that you talk to your nieces and just tell them that what they did was wrong but you will not hold that against them.”

“With that said, none of them should be allowed in the house unsupervised for a long while.” — EarthBelcher

Thanks to Reddit, OP can rest assured their response to the fridge snooping was totally in line.

Written by Eric Spring

Eric Spring lives in New York City. He has poor vision and cooks a good egg. Most of his money is spent on live music and produce. He usually wears plain, solid color sweatshirts without hoods because he assumes loud patterns make people expect something big. Typically, he'll bypass a handshake and go straight for the hug.