When it comes to jokes and a sense of humor, on a personal level, not everyone is going to see eye to eye.
What one person sees as comedy gold, another sees as crass behavior.
This can make for a lot of tension in personal relationships.
It can be especially difficult with trying to keep the peace within families.
Redditor Thr0wAwayFrisbee wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITAH for telling my FIL he can’t hump the floor at my house or in my presence?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Crazy title, and I wish it weren’t true, but here we are.”
“Unfortunately, I’m asking because I’m possibly in a state of being gaslit, OR I actually can’t take a joke, and I can’t see it.”
“My F[ather]-I[n]-L[aw] (late 50s) is known for being VERY playful – goofy, some would even say.”
“Well him, my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] (late 50s) and 3 sibling I[n]-L[aws] (20 M[ale] and 27 M, 28 F[eamle]-married couple) came to stay with my husband and I at our home (28F,30M) and to see our new L[ittle] O[ne] (7 months).”
“Well, LO was put to bed and we were all in the living room area hanging out, doing stretches, just casually talking, when FIL decided it would be funny to start humping the ground out of nowhere.”
“And unfortunately, it was directly in front of me (not MIL).”
“MIL and I looked at each other in shock while his children all laughed and chuckled.”
“FIL made it clear that the gesture was meant for his wife, despite it being directly in front of me (with eye contact), so we dropped it.”
“The night passed, they left town, and after a few days of not being able to shake the image in my head, I decided to talk with my husband about how uncomfortable it made me, ALONG WITH other sexual jokes he makes about us all being married, etc.”
“There’s been this big divide now on how I’m always ruining the fun, how it was ‘just a joke’ and not a sexual gesture, and how I’ll always find a problem when my husband’s family is in town.”
“His family thinks this, however, when I speak with my mom, sister, cousins, and anyone on my side of the world, they see his ‘joke(s)’ and ‘gesture’ as totally inappropriate.”
“My FIL tried to make the point that I’ve done TikTok dances in his home with the other sibling in laws and my husband and he’s never felt uncomfortable because he knows they’re harmless and that it’s not fair for me to judge him about this vs knowing his intent (which was to just make a joke).”
“My point is, even though I’m not on TikTok and I don’t post videos, everything I’ve done is postable; his slow stroking the ground is not.”
“My husband got mad at me for not seeing it as a joke, and so did the other married siblings who were in the room, who FIL raised.”
“I genuinely would appreciate feedback because I plan to have another conversation soon, and I want to know that I’m coming into the conversation grounded in reality.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITAH for saying that my FIL humping the floor in my home/presence made me uncomfortable and drawing that boundary?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Your in-laws are weird af for enabling this behavior.”
“Your husband is weird for getting upset you didn’t ‘get the joke.’”
“Wtf. His father made you uncomfortable.”
“I’d be sick to my stomach if I saw my FIL do that.”
“And your husband’s reaction is to get upset with you instead of addressing it with his dad? 👀 Gross.”
“All around gross.” ~ Pristine-Local-8176
“NTA, and they are upset mostly because they are embarrassed.”
“They all know that sh**s weird, but you specifically calling their dad weird makes them have to deal with it.” ~ Lethave
“This is all perception.”
“Your husband and his siblings have obviously always had this ‘humor’ in their house as they’ve grown up.”
“OP, your family did not.”
“So your husband just sees this as normal, not inappropriate.”
“You think it’s strange because no one has ever done something like that in front of you.”
“It’s the same thing with so many types of abuse.”
“You don’t know it’s not normal until you are around other families and see what ‘normal’ actually looks like.”
“I’m not saying OP’s husband grew up in an abusive household, but they definitely have an inappropriate sense of humor.”
“Husband needs to learn what is actually appropriate and what’s not.”
“I like the idea of asking him why it’s funny.”
“It might make him realize it’s not normal behavior.” ~ justme7256
“NTA. You never have to apologize for telling someone not to hump your floor.” ~ Allaboutbird
“NTA. I’d tell your husband, ‘He looked me right in the eyes while physically making sexual thrusting movements right in front of me.'”
“‘I don’t care if he, you, or anyone else in your family finds it funny.'”
“‘I think it’s inappropriate and disrespectful, and he and you need to know that I don’t want him physically making the motions of sexual intercourse while trying to maintain eye contact with me.'”
“‘I don’t take it as a joke, and I don’t want that behavior forced on me. The same with sexual jokes about us ‘all being married.'”
“Whatever his actual intentions are, it doesn’t matter.”
“It’s coming across as creepy and disrespectful.”
“ETA: This could be worded more strongly; sometimes less is more.”
“If you focus on inappropriateness and disrespectfulness, it’s hard for him to defensively blow off what you’re saying if he instinctively wants to defend his father.”
“The behavior itself is obviously sexual, and the eye contact is an important point to highlight, as surely that takes it over the line.” ~ kurokomainu
“That would be his LAST visit to my home.”
“Your husband is accustomed to such BS; that doesn’t mean that you are or have to be. NTA.” ~ BillDeSilvey
“They’re refusing to accept the truth that it’s nasty and weird because that would expose so much of their relationship with him that they’ve decided to package it as ‘joking’ and ‘playful.'”
“If your husband agreed or admitted that you’re right, he’s making himself very vulnerable.”
“So while you’re obviously right, he kind of needs for this to be ok to avoid that sort of discomfort.”
“He’s going to have to work hard to overcome this level of cognitive bias.”
“I hope by not backing down you can help, but I’d expect a lot of unfair pushback from them.”
“Good luck.” ~ portraithouseart
“NTA. When a joke falls flat, it’s on the comedian for failing to read his audience.”
“And that is weird.”
“Not funny. Weird.” ~ doublecheckthat
“NOBODY can tell you how to feel about something.”
“If you think it was inappropriate, it was!”
“He sounds creepy, and his children enable his bad behavior. NTA.” ~ Successfulwoman62
“NTA. That’s f**king weird.”
“And they’re allll f**king weird for defending him.”
“You’re deeply uncomfortable and feel disrespected.”
“That’s what matters here. Ugh.”
“I’d feel the same way.”
“That’s so inappropriate.”
“It’s crossing a big line.”
“In YOUR home.”
“Looking directly into your eyes?”
“What the f**k?”
“I’m sorry, OP.”
“I hope your husband listens and grows the hell up.”
“Does he often dismiss your feelings?” ~ landminephoenix
“NTA. I’m willing to bet he has made inappropriate jokes and gestures in front of the kids all his life.”
“They accepted it as humor.”
“If they start seeing it as humorless now, it would have to apply to all other inappropriate things he’s done.”
“Have a private conversation with your partner.”
“Ask him about the history of his dad’s behavior.”
“This might be a very sensitive subject to broach.”
“He might need to come to terms with the fact that his dad is a creep and has been his whole life.” ~ NoRadish4622
“NTA. Always weird to me when women say ‘hey this made me uncomfortable’ and then their husband gets mad at them for it???”
“If that’s how you feel, that’s how you feel.”
“He doesn’t have to agree, but anger is a little red flaggy to me.” ~ scrollgirl24
“I don’t get the joke either, and I have a raunchy sense of humor.”
“But I think I’d hold off on doing the TikTok dances around him.”
“He is obviously paying some serious attention to how you’re moving and thinks sexual moves are on par. NTA.” ~ Impossible_Smile4113
“NTA. And based on your MIL’s reaction in the moment, I suspect that if you could get her to really open up about it, she’d tell you that he’s been doing this for the whole time they’ve been together and she’s hated it the whole time.” ~ Auld_Folks_at_Home
“NTA for finding it inappropriate and saying so.”
“However… is he really going to do it again?”
“If not, then I struggle to see why it needs a load more conversation about it.”
“Move on.” ~ VardaElentari86
“NTA. He was directly in front of you, making eye contact.”
“The only reason he said it was for MIL is because he could see you weren’t laughing.”
“Ask your husband if he would be okay with you giving his father a lap dance in underwear.”
“There’s something wrong here, and it ain’t with you, girl.”
“There are funny sexual innuendos, and then there’s… whatever that was.”
“I’d have asked him while he was doing it, what on earth he was doing, to please keep his stripper dance moves at home with his wife, you don’t want to see that.” ~ Cuddles_Kitteh
“NTA. His behavior was inappropriate.” ~ bluetinycar
OP came back with an update… HERE.
That is quite the Update, OP.
There is so much to unpack here.
Where does one begin?
Reddit is on your side, though.
It’s too bad your husband won’t take a stronger chance.
But you have to protect yourself.
Good Luck.