When you get married you share everything.
You share your hopes, your dreams, a home, kids maybe.
And money. You share money and finances. Right? Or wrong?
Apparently money can still be quite the issue after “I Do.”
Case in point…
Redditor GrouchAd334 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to pay for my wife’s meal because she keeps forgetting to bring any money?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I usually go out with my wife about every Friday night.”
“When we were dating she very commonly forget to bring her purse or money at all so I would for her, but I’ve been doing this for years and I have reached my absolute limit.”
“I’ve been frustrated paying for her before, but I never said anything as I didn’t her to think I was selfish.”
“About a week ago we decided to go eat at family restaurant with my wife and stepdaughter.”
“In the car I asked her if she brought any money and she said that she didn’t so I told her go into the house before we leave and bring some cash.”
“She went in and claimed she brought her purse with cash inside.”
“At the restaurant we receive our bill and what do you know my wife left her purse in the car.”
“I told her to go get it and gave her the keys.”
“She said it wasn’t in there.”
“I went to check myself and it’s really not there.”
“She’s looks embarrassed at our table and asks her own daughter to pay for her meal.”
“My stepdaughter was going to do it but I told her to leave it as I would pay.”
“I told my wife this was the last straw and that she was intentionally doing this.”
“She denied my accusations and said to keep it down but the minute we got in the car she called me an a**hole for just not paying.”
“I responded with the fact that she 100% had the money to pay as she worked a good job and that this was ridiculous.”
“She said I was still being a d**k and I needed to think about what I just said.”
“I don’t think I did anything wrong.”
“AITA?
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors seemed to feel that ESH. There is a lot a of wrong spread about.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“YTA.”
“If you had a problem with this thing she did frequently while you were dating, why did you marry her?”
“Why go for public embarrassment instead of just talking to her?”
“Way to address this in the most passive-aggressive way possible.”
“Honestly, why are you even counting pennies like this with your wife?” ~ Otherwise_Window
“She humiliated herself by lying.”
“She said she had her purse.”
“He trusted her at her word.”
“She lied and got caught in a lie.”
:He didn’t say he embarrassed her before when he ‘knew’ she didn’t have her purse.”
“But this time he ‘thought’ she had it, because he specifically ‘asked’ her to bring it and she said she ‘did’ bring it. She ‘lied.’” ~ Accomplished-Mud2840
“THIS literally everybody wants to whine and say he humiliated her but she LIED!”
“Like I’m confused why people aren’t more concerned about this.”
“Also change context and tell everybody it was a woman telling the story and they’d say the husband was abusive for not bringing money and lying.”
“Y’all like to be picky based on gender and attack husbands.” ~ Wondergirl621
“No, for a married couple this is weird crap regardless if which gendered partner is doing which part.”
“In marriage you expect some good communication and at least some blending of finances— it seems like there’s some weird shit going on with these folks.”
“If I had to guess, I would say maybe she thinks women shouldn’t have to pay for dinner and he hasn’t been communicating his frustrations very clearly?”
“Either way, you have that fight at home! Those waiters don’t make enough money to deal with this drama.” ~ Ralynne
“To be honest it doesn’t really seem like he has ever explicitly talked to her about this.”
“He says he never bought it up as he didn’t want to seem selfish, and then tells her randomly to bring cash and doesn’t seem to explain why.”
“Honestly if someone said to bring cash and we shared finances and they always settled the bill, I would probably assume it was for something small like parking.”
“Does anyone use cash anymore considering we have been in a pandemic the past two years?”
“OP should learn to communicate before chucking a tanty.” ~ aplaceawayfromhere
“Yeah but he asked her to bring some money.”
“She said she did but she lied.”
“Why is her lying not a factor in this?”
“Why is the onus solely on him to have smoothed things over or figured things out?”
“If he is supposed to communicate better would it not be possible for her to also initiate a discussion about paying for meals sometimes?”
“If we flipped the genders the husband who lied about bringing his wallet to make his wife pay would have been called the a**hole in a heartbeat.” ~ CentralAdmin
“I was literally thinking this, if the genders were reversed everyone would be telling her to leave him for being cheap.”
“And bring up how much of a red flag the lying is but because it’s a man he’s being selfish and doesn’t like his wife yeah okay.” ~ jdogg51
“They even have a joined account!”
“It doesn’t matter who pays! What tf is his problem?!”
“Does he search a reason for a divorce and didn’t find something better?!”
“YTA.” ~ Sheeps_n_Birds
“They seriously have a joint account?”
‘Then why is he so hung up on her paying, when it’s from their joint account?”
“I can understand if he wanted to pay separately while dating.”
“My partner always insisted on paying, but I still always had my card on me just in case.”
“But it really doesn’t matter who pays now that they’re married and sharing that type of expenses.”
“So I’m going with massive powerplay as the explanation for OP’s insistence that his wife pays.”
“YTA, buddy. Do you even like your wife?”
“Because your actions says that you don’t.” ~ Zupergreen
“I’d go with an ESH because the wife lied about it and doubled down on the lie when he called her out on it.”
“Obviously he’s also in the wrong, in no small part because of the joint account thing, but I don’t think the wife is 100% in the clear.”
“They both need to learn healthier communication skills or I don’t think the marriage will last too long. I feel bad for the daughter.” ~Pokemaster131
“I am truly BAFFLED at this.”
“Who splits the bill to both pay from the same account??”
“Does he not understand first grade math, or does he hate wait staff??”
“Even in the most casual of dating situations, I’ll split the bill with a dude like once before I suggest moving to a ‘we take turns paying’ model.”
“Plus he’s giving up the opportunity to use the longest running gag in my marriage, which is my husband making a big show of waving me off, taking the bill from the waiter and putting down his joint card.” ~ nachtkaese
“To be honet, ESH…”
“Like ok, in my a**hole brain myself and can’t blame people for forgetting things.”
“But the wife can’t have the excuse of just having forgotten here since he asked her to go get it before leaving and she came back claiming she had it.”
“So this means it was intentional and probably always was.”
“So while I agree with who the hell counts pennies with their spouse, who intentionally never takes money with while going out to eat with their spouse?”
“This marriage is forked up.” ~ Less_Shopping_3955
“Well the main thing for me is that she’s being intentionally deceitful by not bringing money out with her and lying about it.”
“It would be naïve to say she forgot to put it in the car when she said she did after going back into the house expressly to get it.”
“As with most things it’s not actually about the money but rather the lack of honesty around her actions, and I find it bizarre that so many people here are giving her a pass because they have a joint account.”
I”t’s flat out just nice to have someone pay for dinner.”
“And if that’s never the case then I can understand how OP might feel upset, even though the money is shared.”
“His wife has both lied to his face and not communicated any justification for her strange aversion to paying the bill.” ~ crafiest_butcher
“While I agree that OP should have brought it up earlier, it’s incredibly unfair to accuse OP of pinching pennies when the wife is the one who never puts her hand in her pocket.”
“This is at least an ESH.” ~ deskbookcandle
Well, OP and his wife have a lot to mull over.
It seems y’all see a few villains in this tale.
The biggest villain of all?
MONEY!!