Reddit Attic-Lights5475 is a 28-year-old woman who is married to her 33-year-old husband whose family is financially well-off.
The husband inherited a posh house at which the married couple decided to host their first cookout party and invite their respective families.
She claimed everyone seemed to have a good time at the cookout, but when she was later apprised of something her husband did leading up to the event, she became appalled.
She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for returning the money my husband took from my family for attending our cookout?”
The Original Poster (OP) started the post with the following context:
“My husband comes from a wealthy family and he himself has inherited a number of assets from his relatives. One of them is this huge house (where we live right now) with a pool and a huge backyard with lots of features.”
“We decided to host our first cookout after we got married (7 months ago) and we invited both his and my family. That was on friday, both families came and we had lots of fun then everyone went home later.”
“I then got a phone call from mom and she didn’t sound okay. She asked whether or not my husband took money from his family before they attended the cookout. I was confused I asked what she was talking about and she told me that my husband charged every single person from my side of family who attended the event $25 dollars.”
“I was utterly shocked and very angry and felt like this has legitimately damaged my relationship with most of my family because, almost all of them came over. not just that, but he got $275 dollars from them.”
“I was so livid I hung up the phone and confronted him immediately. He told me my family got to ‘enjoy’ the space and view and said that I should think of it as a ‘resort’ cookout since this house has lots of luxuries.”
“I told him it was a horrible thing for him to do and that what made it worse is the fact that his family didn’t pay like mine had to. He laughed then reminded me that his family gave him this house.”
“I demanded he give the money back but he said no and that he won’t even give it to me since the house is technically his.”
“I went and took the money and gave everyone who paid their money back with a sincere apology from me. My husband found out and flipped out at me calling what I did an overstepping and disrespectful.”
“I told him he shouldn’t have taken money from my family for being guests at our house, but he corrected me saying it’s his house and said that he’d bet my family had never got to attend a cookout at a house like this and that it was just $25 dollars but I disrespected him and went behind his back and took money that wasn’t mine.”
“We stopped talking after this argument and he keeps venting to his mom about me taking ‘his’ money that he earned his own way.”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole here.
“Did his personality do a 180 after you got married or something? I can’t wrap my head around you marrying someone who thinks so little of you and your family. NTA” – Nyankh
“How many time will he have to say ‘my house’ for you to understand he will never see you as his equal partner? How many time will he have to be disrespectful and condescending to your family, for you to see all the red flags he wave in front of you?”
“NTA.” – Daariia
“I worked in finance for a few years, and often would speak to clients who were wealthy. I learned pretty quickly that there were two kinds of millionaires: nice rich people and a**holes.”
“Many of the kindest people I talked to in those years were our wealthiest clients. I suspect that many of them became wealthy because people wanted to engage with them, patronize their businesses, and hire them, because they were nice people.”
“There were also definitely clients who inherited wealth, and displayed an astonishing amount of entitlement. There were also plenty of clients who would get incredibly nasty about accounts that were worth very little. Those were the a**holes.”
“Money doesn’t change who you are – it amplifies who you are.” – Groundbreaking_Mess3
“Absurd is right. Please tell me he didnt have you sign a pre-nup, OP. Anyone who gets married but doesn’t consider their property as shared with their spouse, or their in-laws to be actual family is living in a reality that is beyond absurd.”
“It sounds like he considers OP his property too since he finds her presence of morality ‘disrespectful’ and then goes crying to mommy when his entrepreneurial endeavor of duping his wife’s family out of their hard-earned money under the guise of inviting them to a Bbq.”
“OP, if this story is in fact, real, I would take a long hard look at this man and reevaluate if this is what you want the rest of your life to look like. If he’s pulling stunts like this 7months into the marriage, there’s no telling what levels of absurdity you might be in for down the road. NTA.” – Mryessicahaircut
“I am not rich by any means but do have a few wealthy friends and never experienced or imagined ever anyone charging guests to your own house. That is just a level of rudeness that is hard to fathom. And family to boot!… words fail me.”
“As it is understood (in my non-american culture at least) rich people like to show off their shit, and treating guests lavishly is often a flex to make the host look even better.”
“NTA.” – gordito_delgado
“Say that again. Money DOESN’T CHANGE WHO YOU ARE, IT AMPLIFIES WHO YOU ARE. OP NTA, husband on the other hand I’d seriously be rethinking this relationship because I see a lot more of this in the future.”
“Like you guys are lucky to be around him and his family. I wonder what his family had to say about this type of behavior.” – Initial_Research4617
“NTA.”
“I’m honestly more shocked your family actually paid it. If I showed up and he demanded money, I’d turn the f’k around.” – cakeandwhat
The OP replied:
“My family are incredibly polite and don’t like to cause a fuss over anything big or small. I’m not saying this because they’re my family but they’re truely peacemakers who are willing to just go with the flow and not argue, Especially my brother.”
“Plus they don’t get on well with my husband and so they knew I didn’t agree to this.”
Redditors continued commenting.
“Have you ever really stopped to think about why they don’t get on with your husband? I know not everyone gets along well. But he has no reason to impress your family.”
“So they might be in the best position to see how he treats others who don’t have value to him. It’s one of the reasons how someone treats a server can be a red flag.”
“Looking at your post he doesn’t value your family. If they needed help do you think he would? Or would there be a cost attached? He keeps saying his house, his money.”
“Isn’t it supposed to be your home too? If you wanted to make a change there, could you? If you wanted a friend to visit, could they?” – Katnis85
“NTA. Also, I’m pretty sure this relationship is going to head into abuse territory if it isn’t there already. Alienating someone from their family is part of how an abuser gains control of them and makes them feel like they don’t have anywhere else to go.”
“Once you feel like you don’t have any one besides him, he will be able to treat you anyway he wants and feel confident you won’t leave. His lack of caring about your feelings on this also concerning.” – Mental_Dragonfly_954
“NTA.”
“If this story actually happened, then he considers your family lower class (and you as well). If this is the first time you’re seeing this side of him, then I’m a bit shocked but at least it’s early in the marriage and divorce won’t be too difficult.”
“In all honesty, this is a HUGE slap in the face to you and your family. If he doesn’t apologize profusely to you and your family and pay them back I would divorce him. If you stick with him, you’re the A H and have no respect for yourself.”
“Maybe if you would die poor otherwise, I can see putting up with his absolutely sh**tty behavior, but unless this guy learns some humility and decency real f’king fast, leave him ASAP or he’ll know he owns you.”
“Your (hopefully soon to be EX) husband sounds like a real d*ck.” – pnkflyd99
Despite some Redditors having a difficult time believing her story, plenty of users suggested his conduct indicated serious red flags in their relationship.