Content Warning: Breast Augmentation Surgery, and Mentions of Misogyny, Sexism, Domestic Abuse, and Controlling Behaviors
As much as we want to believe that we know our partner better than anyone else, the truth of the matter is that some people are really good at hiding who they are.
Sometimes it takes a pretty substantial event for their true colors to shine through, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Fresh_Mongoose_7130 had just recently had a breast augmentation surgery and was getting a lot of unwanted attention from her guy friends.
Instead of supporting her and telling the men to stop, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked when her husband chimed in on their unwanted and problematic banter.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for being offended my husband told his friends that he would ‘reel me in’ when one of them commented on my breasts?”
The OP had recently had breast augmentation surgery.
“My husband (31 Male) and I (23 Female) recently went on a vacation with a lot of our friends, five couples including us. I only really know the women very well, but I see all four of these couples very often.”
“Also about six months ago, I got a breast augmentation. It’s not really a secret, most of the women know, and since I went from a B to a D cup, it’s obvious. I’ve heard that they look great, lol (laughing out loud), so I’m not embarrassed by it.”
Her new appearance drew a lot of attention during a couples retreat.
“It came up a few times this trip because I was constantly in a bikini, just like the other girls. It was mostly just them being like, ‘Wow, they look so good,’ and that kind of thing.”
“Well, this problem started one night while I was in my bikini, sitting with my husband and two of the men. One of the men, Luke, kept looking at my breasts.”
“I kinda brushed it off because I was literally sitting on my husband’s lap, so I figured not much would happen.”
“However, I was wrong. Luke drunkenly piped up and said, ‘Leah (his wife) told me I should touch your t*ts during this trip to see if I like the way they feel.'”
“I was like, ‘…Excuse me?’ and my husband was like, ‘What the f**k?'”
“Luke quickly backpedaled and explained that he and Leah were talking about my breasts (weird) and saying that she might want to get hers done, as well, but she wanted to know if he liked the way they felt.”
“I knew my husband got really mad, so I tried to make light of the situation and was like, ‘Haha, Leah could’ve just asked to feel them herself.'”
“Leah came over at that point and was very mad that Luke had said that. It was all very awkward so I just stood up and said I was getting a drink.”
But it turned out the OP’s husband wasn’t as much on her side as she originally thought.
“While I was waiting for my drink, I could hear the conversation continue. Luke apologized to my husband, and my husband said that as long as he didn’t do that or say it again, they were good.”
“Luke said sorry for being offensive. My husband curtly answered he wasn’t offended.”
“Luke then said, ‘I think your woman might be.'”
“My husband then proceeded to laugh, turn to look at me, and said, ‘Don’t worry about her, I’ll reel her in. Her and those f**king bikini tops.'”
“I heard this and was just so f**king p**sed. I ended up staying with one of the other women for most of the night. Like ‘reel her in’ and criticizing my choice of top when it was Luke who made the inappropriate comment was such a crazy reaction to me.”
“When I told my husband how offended this made me, he ordered me to drop it.”
“AITAH for being offended about this?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were furious and disgusted over the OP’s husband’s phrasing.
“He ‘ordered you’? I’d be offended just for that alone. NTA.” – VeritasB
“My wife would take the first plane out to get the divorce process started as soon as possible if I ever had the nerve to order her anything. But then again, we have a loving, respectful relationship.” – PenaltyDesperate3706
“The only thing my husband orders me is a second drink if I’m in the bathroom when the waiter comes by. Get out now, girl, before you waste any more time with caveman there.” – satr3d
“The whole tone of the post makes me wonder whose idea it was in the first place that OP gets an augment. Especially at the age of 23. NTA.” – zirfeld
“As soon as I read, ‘he ordered me,’ I literally forgot everything else in her post. That comment, along with ‘reel her in,’ suggests this guy is an absolute d**k, if the age difference didn’t already suggest that. And the age difference wouldn’t even matter if it wasn’t obvious from his comments that he’s treating her like a child.”
“I cannot imagine being tied to this guy at age 23. NTA.” – townandthecity
“I was married to one of those types in my early twenties, and it lasted for two years.”
“OP, it only gets worse, especially if he’s reading anything online that ‘helps’ him ‘get you in line.’ My ex was reading all kinds of garbage here on Reddit and constantly shamed, blamed, and infantilized me to get his way and put all his negative energy on me.”
“Get out before that happens, OP. This is only the beginning. NTA.” – Yewnicorns
Others agreed and felt the husband’s real personality was beginning to shine through.
“OP, this is a H U G E red flag, especially with your age gap (which wouldn’t be that much of a gap if you were 33 and he was 41, but given you’re fresh out of uni age, it’s a BIG red flag).”
“I would be analyzing his behavior carefully and if he doesn’t genuinely apologize/never act like this again, you should start questioning whether this is a relationship to stay in.”
“Sorry this happened to you. NTA.” – GratificationNOW
“I don’t want to assume anything, but seeing her as 23, him 31, and them having enough money to get breast surgery and go on (what I assume is) couple’s vacations/outings that regularly, she very much comes across as a trophy wife for him.”
“I wonder who even had the initial idea for her to enlarge her breasts?” – booweshy
“NTA. You got a really good look at how dismissively he talks about you when he thinks you can’t hear. Sounds like there’s a part of him that despises you.” – stroppo
“There are a lot of men who use misogyny to bond with other men. Note how he got angry when the guy stepped out of line but then immediately blamed her for his actions to repair it. I’ve seen this a million times. His big anger wasn’t that his wife was disrespected but that he felt emasculated by what was happening.”
“And then when she dared to be upset that she was thrown under the bus when she was the victim of somebody being a gross little freak, he ‘ordered’ her not to, meaning he thinks that he should be in charge of whether or not it’s okay for her to have feelings about something.”
“Absolutely f**k this guy. NTA.” – x_hyperballad_x
“The husband showed his true belief systems quickly. He’s angry that a rude comment was made to his wife, but not because it’s offensive to the wife, because he felt emasculated by it. So he got angry, but he’s angry at her, and then he attempted to rebond/fix things with his boy by tossing in a misogynistic statement about his wife to blame her for the whole thing.”
“There are a lot of men who use misogyny as a bonding activity.”
“Recently one of my friends’ boyfriends got out of a ticket because when the cop asked him if he had a gun in the car, he said, ‘No, it’s at home, this one doesn’t like when I carry it around,’ (she actually has zero opinion on that, she has never said a word about it, because she doesn’t care), so that he could laugh and joke at her expense with the cop and get out of the ticket.”
“The really gross part is that it worked. But men do this all the time. When they have a problem between themselves, they can just target a woman, and put the blame on her.”
“I had it happen to me, as well. I was on a trip with my boyfriend and one of his friends. The friend was supposed to bring his girlfriend, but they broke up right before the trip. He took out all of his bad feelings on me, and at the time, my boyfriend was angry at him and yelled at him for being randomly cruel to me when I’d been nothing but nice.”
“But later, to repair their relationship, they blamed it on the fact that I was breathing and present for the trip. I didn’t do anything to either of them. But I was a girl and I was there. It was easier to blame their tension on the fact that I was present than to actually work out their issues. They didn’t have the emotional bandwidth, so they blamed the nearest girl.”
“Anyway, my point is that the husband’s a huge piece of s**t, and the fact that he orders her to not have an issue? He believes he can tell her what she’s allowed to be upset about? Yeah, this is going to end in divorce.”
“She’s 23 and hopefully, she hasn’t had kids yet or doesn’t want them, because who would want to raise a little girl with this man? Or raise a little boy to grow up and become a misogynist, too?”
“No thanks. NTA.” – BojackTrashMan
Not only was the subReddit furious about how the OP’s husband treated her, but they were up in arms about how she had started to speak to her since having her breast augmentation.
Sometimes it takes a while for a person’s true colors to shine through, but once they appear, it’s our job to notice them.