There’s nothing wrong with wanting a warm home-cooked meal after a long day at work.
But when those meals come at the expense of someone else’s health, prioritizing that cozy meal might not be the way to go, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor blackpugstudios was at a loss for what to do when, after going on medical leave to have her jaw wired shut to correct a long-term condition, her husband demanded that she take over all the cooking in the home.
Because she was home more often than he was, but also exhausted, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure whether her husband was being reasonable or demanding far too much.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not wanting to make dinner every night?”
The OP recently had major surgery and was struggling.
“I (40 Female) had jaw surgery in November, and have had my jaw wired shut ever since.”
“I’m mostly surviving on Ensure, blenderized soups, smoothies, and baby food. It’s been tough.”
“During this time, I have continued to make my child’s breakfast every morning, make his lunch for school, do the grocery shopping, and make dinner most nights. Honestly, it’s torture.”
She was also struggling to do what her husband wanted.
“My husband (40) works full-time and doesn’t really feel like cooking when he gets home.”
“I get it, but at the same time, making dinner every night, and having to watch and smell it cook when I know I can’t eat it is awful.”
“(And I know there are lots of ways to blend proper meals, but by the time I add enough broth, juice, etc. to make it drinkable, it’s disgusting.)”
The OP tried to reach a compromise.
“The other night, I asked if he could make dinner at least a few nights a week, and he got pretty offended.”
“He said that since I’m not working (I’m on medical leave), it’s nice to come home to dinner ready and not have to rush to start it.”
“Last night, I thought I could compromise and get all of the ingredients prepared and ready so he could just do the actual cooking, and he was pretty ticked off all night.”
“Am I being unreasonable?”
“AITA for not wanting to cook every night?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out the OP was on medical leave, not on vacation.
“In a partnership that is supposed to last for years, it can’t always be 50/50. At some point, one Partner has to step up because the other one is unable to do things. For example, when sick and on medical leave. Things change. It’s not about equality but equity.”
“And I also had jaw surgery a few months ago but it was an easy one. I hated eating like I had to because I’m also a picky eater. It was so annoying and I never ever could have cooked for others while I get nothing.”
“Your husband needs to step up or hire a housekeeper if you can afford it. NTA.” – tomato_joe
“The husband seems like he’s trying to break the 50/50 status quo by making the person who is on medical leave do MORE than 50%. He wants her to take care of HIM while SHE is on medical leave instead of the other way around.” – SleepoPeepo
“NTA. You’re on MEDICAL LEAVE and with your JAW WIRED SHUT. You’re on a LIQUID DIET for months… and he thinks you’re just ‘not working right now’?!”
“His delight at coming home to a ready-made dinner is more important than your comfort, during a trying time?!”
“He can’t make a d**n meal a day, three days a week, to help you cope with your condition?!”
“He’s a huge AH, and you have a lot to think about him as a husband.” – Jolly_Tooth_7274
“I was on medical leave and government sick benefits for eight weeks last year after having a hysterectomy and excision surgery for endometriosis. My husband was f**king P**SED if he found out that I did chores during the day.”
“He told me my ‘job’ in the house was to only let the dogs out to go outside (I had family and friends coming over the first few days to make sure the dogs were taken care of) and to heal.”
“I feel so sorry for OP. She must be exhausted, in pain, and not even a little bit supported.” – chaos_almighty
“NTA and a little warning. I was on medical leave for eight months a few years ago after an operation, and although I did need to sleep during the afternoon, during the rest of the day, I was able to pick up a lot of the chores around the house.”
“When I went back to work, my husband and teenagers never picked up these chores again. It is still causing a lot of frustration, because they unlearned to do everything they did before I was home for those months.”
“Please don’t make my mistakes! If your husband cooks a few nights a week when you are working, he should cook a few nights a week when you are on medical leave.” – it_is_lil_ol_me
Others suggested what the OP should do for dinners from now on.
“When I was a teenager I had to have my jaw wired shut for six weeks and being around people eating normal food was so depressing.”
“Your husband is being really insensitive. There’s no reason why he couldn’t cook a few nights, have food delivered a night or two, and take some of the strain off you.”
“NTA.” – hissyfit64
“NTA. Make them soup every night for supper. They can have it not pureed and you can have it pureed so you can drink it. They can have bread with it too.”
“If your husband wants something other than soup, then he will have to make it himself.” – ashcann85
“I was having to drink those just to get some amount of food in during a different medical issue and like. Sure, they’re not the worst but only that for this long would be miserable.”
“Honestly, I feel like it might be worth it to say, ‘either you cook your own food or you eat what I’m eating’ for a stretch.” – kaldaka16
“Sweetheart, why are you accepting this as what you deserve?”
“You are not the burden you believe yourself to be.”
“Your husband should be your partner. He should be actively helping with housework and childcare. You should have routine time off.”
“How does your doctor feel about all the work you’ve been doing?”
“Please be kind to yourself, this medical leave is supposed to be time for healing. It’s not reasonable to be torturing yourself every day cooking food that you can’t eat. Your mind needs rest just as much as your body does.” – Personal_Regular_569
Some also gave the OP advice on how to enhance her diet.
“I had gastric bypass and had to live on protein shakes for a while. Found an online store that stocked ALL the Torani, DaVinci, etc. fancy brand syrups. I ordered a case of sugar-free and loved my coconut chocolate, cherry chocolate, orange chocolate, chocolate mint, etc. etc. shakes.” – PastIsPrologue22
“Do you have Fairlife brand Core Power shakes where you live? They usually sell them in the supplement/protein powder section on the shelf… But they’re bottled drinks. I get the one that’s 46 grams of protein and it tastes like a milkshake!”
“As somebody that’s been going to the gym and drinking protein shakes for 30 years, I promise you these will be the best ones you ever have!” – Squirrel-Mama
“Just stopping by to ask whether you’re aware of and have tried the non-milk-based supplements…? Boost Breeze is one brand, but I’m sure there’s an equivalent from other brands. They’re more like juice or punch, and a lot of my patients like them better.”
“Wishing you a speedy recovery! NTA.” – pessimistfalife
“I’m with the other suggestions that everyone can have soup, at least a few nights a week.”
“There are some soups that actually suggest blending to a puree with chunks, like potato soup, where that texture is exactly what everyone expects from the soup. I’d suggest things like that, and your portion can just go in the blender a bit longer.”
“Also, get store-bought bread and pre-made garlic butter, bread that’s nicer than plain sandwich bread if you feel like being nice. Hubby can toast some bread and butter it if he wants a bit more with his soup. Either way, at least two dinners a week you should not be slaving away with smells you can’t eat.”
“If that’s not enough for him, he can help. A possible compromise is that you might make soups that go really well with grilled cheese and other sandwiches, and prep the stuff for that. He can stand and make/heat his sandwich. You might, if you feel nice, come up with sandwich ideas if you feel like his reluctance to help is an issue of not having the habit of figuring out what’s for dinner and how to season it.”
“I like grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup. I’ve also had turkey and cream cheese sandwiches (not grilled) dipped in lentil soup. If the soup is nice and hot, the cream cheese melts into it. If you go with the cream cheese sandwich idea, you could dollop some seasoned cream cheese into your portion of the soup.”
“Two nights a week would be a nice start to getting some respect if you don’t feel like cutting him off completely. His choices are cooperating or he can come home to literally nothing while you sip ensure. If he truly cannot handle that two nights a week then he needs to cough up some cash and buy dinner.” – AlexandrinaIsHere
While the subReddit could understand wanting a warm meal at the end of a work day, expecting that from someone who was on medical leave after a major surgery was not a good look.
The overall consensus was not that the meals should go away, but that the meaning of “home-cooked meal” could change for a while with more meal-prepping, soups, or store-bought options.