There’s nothing quite like the sensation that your partner might be being less than faithful to you, but you don’t have any evidence to confirm or quiet your doubts.
But imagine being in a situation where an entire room of people confirms an affair, loud and clear, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Bubblybugsie attended one of her husband’s corporate office parties for the first time and hoped to make a good impression among his colleagues.
But when she noticed one of his coworkers not only flirting with him but the rest of the office joking about the behavior, the Original Poster (OP) felt deeply disrespected.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for calling out my husband’s coworker at his corporate party for flirting with him right in front of me?”
One of the OP’s husband’s coworker’s behavior toward him caught the OP off-guard.
“Last weekend, my husband’s company held a big corporate party. This was the first time I was meeting his colleagues, so I wanted to make a good impression.”
“We sat down at a table with his team, and everyone seemed nice at first.”
“But as the night went on, I noticed one of his female coworkers across the table glancing at my husband a lot. She kept catching his eye, holding it a bit too long, and then, out of nowhere, she winked at him.”
“I tried to brush it off as some odd coincidence, but she kept looking over at him, smiling, and then looking away like they had some inside joke.”
The OP also felt uncomfortable because of all the jokes her husband’s coworkers made.
“It didn’t end there. Some of his coworkers started teasing them, making little remarks like, ‘You two just can’t help yourselves!’ and, ‘Don’t you miss sitting next to each other every day?'”
“My husband just laughed and shrugged it off, but he didn’t exactly try to shut it down, either.”
“I tried to ignore it, but every glance she sent his way started to feel like a slap in the face.”
“I even asked him quietly if there was something he needed to tell me, but he insisted it was ‘just office banter’ and ‘not a big deal.'”
But one of the coworker’s comments took things a little too far.
“The whole thing came to a head when she got up to get a drink, winked at him again, and one of his friends nudged him, saying, ‘Looks like someone’s eager for some one-on-one time!'”
“I was done. I leaned forward and said loudly, ‘If there’s something you two want to share, I’m sure we’d all love to hear it.'”
“It got dead silent. She turned red, mumbled something about needing to use the restroom, and left.”
“My husband was furious. He says I embarrassed him, made everyone uncomfortable, and overreacted to harmless fun. He insists they’re ‘just friends’ and I took it too far.”
“But I feel like her behavior was totally inappropriate, and his refusal to put a stop to it hurt more than anything. Now he’s barely speaking to me, and I’m wondering if I went overboard.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out the husband should only feel embarrassed for disrespecting his wife.
“Women tell you, and men show you. Well, in this case, the coworkers were telling you, and your husband was showing you that he’s got something going on with this woman. You picked up what they were putting down.”
“Don’t bury your head in the sand about this. It’s time for you to discretely make moves and line your ducks up. Consult an attorney to see what a possible divorce will look like, what you’re entitled to, etc…”
“Your husband and his colleagues were literally playing in your face. An entire room of people disrespected you, and your husband said and did nothing. He’s showing you that he doesn’t respect you or this marriage.”
“Act accordingly.” – Maleficient_Draft_564
“I would NEVER in a million years allow my wife to be disrespected, NEVER. And I would never disrespect her and allow some other woman to flirt with me and me not shut it down immediately.”
“I don’t even know you and I’m angry at your husband.”
“Get to the bottom of it, but also line up the logistics of pulling out of the marriage. There’s a chance he’s an id**t guy who loved the attention of an attractive woman, but never did anything physical or emotional with her. It’s still wrong, but this is different than an afternoon delight.”
“I wish you the best.” – LeadDiscovery
“NTA. Everyone else in this story sucks. Your husband, his flirting coworker, and everyone else basically cheering the pair of them on like they’re two teens in love that all the gossipy grandmas hope will get married someday. You deserve better than the whole lot of them.”
“If your husband won’t shut down those comments right in front of his wife, you can be sure he’s not shutting them down behind your back either. Sounds like he’s got a ‘work wife.’ He has no right to be angry at you, you were being blatantly disrespected.” – RantyMcThrowawayPants
“Oh, YOU embarrassed HIM??? WHAT SHAME.”
“Sorry, but what was that whole f**king thing before that if not thoroughly embarrassing for you?”
“NTA. I’d be super p**sed and not let it go till he got his s**t together and apologized and proved without a doubt he wasn’t actually already f**king her.”
“There’s no f**king way I would let this s**t slide or feel bad for him. How dare he have that kind of relationship with a coworker to begin with or allow others to make me feel like the other woman in my own marriage?!”
“Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Go straight to the couch.” – theFCCgavemeHPV
“NTA. Of course he’s going to turn it around and make it seem like it’s your fault. If he didn’t, that would mean he’d actually have to explain himself and admit that this woman is all over him and he’s enjoying it. He embarrassed himself by openly flirting with his coworker right in front of his wife.”
“Also, not to be that person, but there’s definitely a chance he’s cheating on you with that woman. It seems like literally everyone in the office knows about it…” – theworldisonfire8377
Others theorized that the coworkers were trying to tell on the husband and flirting coworker.
“The coworkers were telling you what’s going on when you’re not around. They are not discreet. Your husband didn’t shut it down because he didn’t want to offend HER.”
“If nothing was going on, they all would have laughed your comment off right there. They were enjoying flirting right in front of you, thinking you wouldn’t react and she could feel superior.”
“I’d ask to see their chats on his phone and their work convos. Why aren’t they sitting next to each other anymore?”
“He’s using the silent treatment to distract you. But he and his coworkers embarrassed you with their behavior. Notably, the coworker said they can’t help themselves, so your husband was doing something back, probably winking, too, while sitting right next to you, his wife.” – Exact_Camera_3685
“‘Don’t you miss sitting next to each other every day?’ This was everyone telling you that they sit next to each other every day.”
“They couldn’t do it at this event because you were sitting next to him, but she made sure that she was his focus of attention for the entire event.”
“This is a cheating husband problem. He is, at the very least, having an emotional affair and doesn’t mind that everyone knows. It likely has also moved to physical.” – BlazingSunflowerland
“OP, this is bigger than him not shutting down the convo. His coworkers are trying not to cross him by telling on him behind his back. Instead, they are using humor to hint to you what is going on.”
“This is their way of trying to tell you they know it is wrong, but feel like they can’t openly call him out without it causing problems.” – SeaworthinessBig8083
“NTA.”
“This shows a serious lack of empathy on your husband’s end, as well as a strange amount of acceptance for flirtatious behaviors from his coworker around the office.”
“I doubt any man would want to see their wife jokingly flirting with someone else because that’s the type of behavior that plants a seed of doubt in our minds. It’s rude and totally unacceptable behavior for most people.”
“As for the strange acceptance, well, I’m not going to say he’s cheating because you never know, but personally, I feel like most men in committed relationships won’t just let someone casually flirt with them or not respond somewhat annoyed to insinuations of an attraction that’s not there. I’ve been hit on by close female friends before who knew I had a wife, and suffice it to say, they aren’t my friends anymore.”
“Also, I may just be strange, but I’d be happy if my wife got annoyed with someone flirting with me; that’s as good as an ‘I love you and you’re mine’ in my book.” – maodiran
“If they act like this in front of you, imagine what happens when you are not around. And the fact his coworkers encouraged this, especially in front of you, is embarrassing for all of them, especially that woman, because who acts like that in front of someone’s wife unless she wants you to know what’s going on with them?!”
“However, the biggest a**hole in this story is your husband. He not only allowed his coworkers to disrespect you, but he himself completely disrespected you.”
“Honestly, I would pay attention because there is more to his relationship with her than he is letting on. If my husband ever treated me or allowed someone else to treat me like that I would rethink our whole relationship.” – start46
After reading this OP’s story, the subReddit collectively shifted uncomfortably in their seats, which was exactly how the husband’s colleagues should have behaved when she called her husband and his flirting coworker out.
Instead, the other coworkers seemed all too happy to encourage the disrespectful behavior, and the OP’s husband was even angry with her for “embarrassing” him and putting a stop to the office fun.
This had serious “work wife who later became a partner energy.” If that isn’t what the husband eventually wanted, he needed to do some serious work to repair his most important relationship: not the one with his colleagues or his flirting coworker, but the one with his wife.