Some stereotypes about marriage can’t help but reveal themselves to be true. Particularly, if you tell your spouse to “do whatever they want,” they likely will, and you likely won’t like it.
When Flashy_Broccoli_7128 expressed this sentiment to her husband, it sounds like he took her at her word. Now the original poster (OP) is trapped on a mattress that refuses to let her sleep.
However, because of why this happened, she has to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit if she’s wrong to be upset.
Her question is:
“AITA for hating the mattress my husband bought?”
She explains what happened:
“My husband and I needed a new mattress. Husband is a technophile and researched the best mattresses across multiple independent review sites and landed on a brilliantly reviewed all singing, all dancing memory foam one.”
“Only one problem, I have (not for the past year!) travelled a lot with work, sleeping in many different hotels and memory foam mattresses are my sleep nemesis.”
“I hate them. I explained this and asked that we look at alternatives. Having described what I feel most comfortable on, he found one example on one bed site that was twice what he was willing to pay and shut down the conversation.”
“The next day, while we were both working from home and I had a tight deadline, he came into my workroom to again plug the merits of the memory foam. I was really busy and after 10 minutes of him going on at me while I tried to work, I snapped and told him to get whatever the hell he wants.”
“A week later and we are 2 ‘sleeps’ in and the mattress is as hideous as anticipated, worse if anything, the all singing all dancing nature means that the foam is incredibly dense and retains so much heat. The gasses it is releasing are setting off my asthma, giving me headaches and dizziness and all of my joints are aching.”
“Despite all this my husband expects me to love it and is hurt that I don’t. He is focusing on the moment that I told him to buy whatever he wants and doesn’t seem to understand that he didn’t listen to my experience and then badgered me at a completely inappropriate time.”
“I accept that I should have been more forceful in asking to speak about it later, but from past experience he’s not the type to backdown to one person’s experience when a review site outcome is concerned.”
There’s a lot to consider with this situation and Reddit has their work cut out for them.
They can rate OP with a four different acronyms:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
It was judged that OP was not wrong to expect her husband to listen to her opinion when making a purchase like this.
“NTA at all. This seems like you have much larger communication issues.”
“Disrespecting your very clearly stated wishes and trying to win this argument on a technicality (?!?!) is very concerning behavior from your husband.”
“He pressured you in a difficult moment to get his way. This is your sleep! Your opinion matters so much!”
“I hope he’s reasonable and wonderful in other areas of your life, because this is NOT OK. You need a new mattress that fits both of your needs. And perhaps marriage counseling.” – mckinnos
“NTA. Your husband bullied you into the mattress.”
“Hope he likes sleeping alone when you inevitably get your own bed in another room. And who could blame you?” – Good_At_Wine
“NTA. He relied on feedback from strangers rather than your input.”
“Look online reviews are potentially great but they aren’t you, and they aren’t flawless.”
“He needs to send it back and agree on ground rules about what type of mattresses you are willing to consider. (i hate memory foam myself.)” – Cat_in_an_oak_tree
“So you found a good mattress that would have fit both of y’all but it was double price so he said no?”
“And got a cheap one that suits him but f***s you over…. I thought ppl knew by now that beds are one of the few things you splurge on. Yikes” – TheRealGordonRamsey_
Not everyone was so convinced, however. There were dissenters who pointed out that OP did give her husband permission to buy what he wanted, or that there could have been more communication.
While they don’t think OP was TA, they do think ESH.
“ESH- If money was a deal breaker for him, and memory foam was a deal breaker for you, you both should’ve talked about alternatives like cheaper spring mattresses.”
“you shouldn’t have given in and expressed he could choose whatever if you didn’t really mean it.”
“Also, any mattress is going to smell as soon as it arrives. I think if you loved the mattress you’d be much more understanding of the smell.”
“You’re supposed to give them 72 hours or so before using them. That is also on you. Take the couch while the smell releases for your health.” – justwannawatchdrphil
“Exactly, I gave an e-s-h too because this whole discussion is mind boggling and makes my head hurt. The alternatives to memory foam are cheaper lol. These two are just talking past each other.”
“I assume he found a Casper or equivalent; and he cherry picked the most expensive spring memory foam hybrid to show to her. And instead of doing research on her own brushed him off and left it to him.” – Tbone-Steak
“YTA. You told him to get whatever the hell he wants. And he did. Welcome to the Consequences of your Actions, table of one, right this way….” – Muncie4
“Huh, unlike everyone else I’m gonna say ESH (but your husband is way more of an AH).”
“You could’ve done more research and not leave all of the googling up to your husband. You admit that you should’ve said let’s talk about it instead of snapping and saying get wtv as well.”
“Your husband is the huge AH here and I won’t repeat all the other comments.”
“Marriage and any relationship is about communication. Hopefully it’s one of those trial mattresses you can return.” – DankTofuRamen
Regardless of fault, OP and her husband need to communicate and figure out a solution that can suit them both.
Maybe they return the mattress and get something else. OP might just accept the bad mattress and learn to live with it.
But hopefully, her husband has learned to listen, and she’s learned to stand firm.