People who’ve never had pets, specifically a dog, have no idea of the huge responsibilities involved after the novelty wears off.
One guy who is experienced with pets is currently at odds with his wife, with her lack of pet-owning experience being the main cause of the conflict.
When he did something that was hugely upsetting for his wife, he visited the “Am I the A** Hole?” (AITAH) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor This-Rope9654 asked:
“AITAH for getting my dog fixed without wife’s permission?”
The Orignal Poster (OP) explained:
“Background, I (38 M[ale]) have grown up having pets at home since i was a kid. I love pets. Cats, Dogs whatever. My wife (36 F[female]) is an only child and never had a pet before, had no idea how much work is involved.”
“So she comes to me one day and says she wants a dog. She is easily influenced by friends or coworkers and sometimes gets ideas in her head and acts irrationally on it. I tried explaining how much work is involved and she agrees she will take care of the dog.”
The OP continued:
“She is often in multiple group chats online and joined one about Japanese akitas after watching the movie Hachi, a dogs tale. I suggested a smaller breed dog as her first pet to make it easier because akitas are known to have strong personalities and be more for experienced dog owners.”
“I work construction and have long hours between March to December, then i have a couple months off. We get the dog in December as a puppy. We take him to dog parks and he socializes well. Then covid hits and he grows full size with little interaction with other dogs.”
The OP describes more details about the dog’s temperament.
“When i walk him he constantly pulls towards other dogs and when he gets close if he feels even a little challenged he turns aggressive. To the point when i walk him i let other dog owners know he is not dog friendly, cross the street when seeing another dog etc.”
“My wife never walks him because he is a large breed dog and she can’t handle if he pulls. I have taken him to obedience training and he walks great aside from when he sees another dog.”
“I talk to her about getting him fixed to reduce the testosterones etc. she refused because she wanted to try breeding him. We waited until he was almost 2 years old. We tried breeding which was a lot of extra work on my part. She basically just met up with the people and i had the female dog dropped in my lap for a week to look after as well as our own dog.”
The breeding didn’t go well and the female dog didn’t make it. We let the other family keep the 2 puppies that made it. I revisit the idea of having ours fixed and she refuses because she wants to breed him again. At this point i love my dog but i don’t want the extra work involved in breeding, So i had him fixed.”
The marriage dynamic of the OP changed after this.
“She is upset because i didn’t listen to her. I explained how i have basically been taking care of him by myself because she always has an excuse to not walk him etc. its been a couple months now and she is still upset about it.”
“I walk him and he doesn’t pull towards other dogs and when we get close he is not aggressive and just smells them. AITAH for fixing him after attempting to breed him like she wanted?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA. Your wife has shown that she believes everything she sees on online forums and chose a dog that she was unable to care for. She never should have considered breeding the dog, especially when she has no experience with it and has never even had a pet before!”
“The fact that she wanted to breed the dog again after all the issues from the first go-around shows that not only is she a bad pet owner, she really comes across as someone who isn’t even a good person.”
“If she was going to neglect all of the duties associated with a dog that she got only because she saw it on a damn movie, then you had every right to get that dog fixed. She can be mad all she wants, but her inability to even do the minimum amount for what she essentially sees as a toy means she no longer gets a say in any decision making.”
“This is why animals end up in shelters. People wirh no experience choose to buy dogs due to popularity, but do no research to see if they are actually able to take care of the dog. And it still is incredibly concerning that she wanted to breed the dog in the first place but did nothing to help and just left everything to you.”
“She needs to realize that even if she is one of those people that sees a dog as just ‘property,’ it doesn’t mean that it isn’t a living and breathing thing.”
“Honestly, I’m not quite sure you should even keep those dog. You work long hours for several months out of the year, and she’s not capable of really even walking the dog. Someone made a comment that you see your wife as a child; unfortunately, she’s acting like one. She is very much like the kid that begs their parents for a puppy and then gets bored when they realize it actually takes time to care for it.”
“All of that being said, I am truly glad that you got the dog fixed. It was safer for you since you are the one walking the dog and safer for the dog, as your wife probably would have kept trying to breed the dog against your will, even after the disastrous attempt the first time.”
– Icy_Cardiologist8444
“NTA.”
“It’s never ever a mistake or wrong to alter a dog to prevent breeding.”
“Take her to an animal shelter. Show her the akitas and huskies and pitties lined up waiting for euthanasia. Show her how overcrowded the shelters are.”
“Don’t make big plan about it. Just find one near you and ‘pop in’. No warning.”
“Show her the consequences of dogs that are bred indiscriminately.”
“And Akitas are defensive guard dogs. They’re mean and aggressive even when they’re sterilised, and require constant vigilance and attention. They were bred to fight and defend and they do not play well with others, sadly. They require an experienced dog handler, always.”
– Wwwweeeeeeee
“Stop being her doormat. You made it clear it was her dog, she won’t walk it. Breeding was on you (Ha, didn’t mean it that way!) She is childish, making big promises and not holding up her end.”
“You got the akita she wanted, didn’t you?”
“NTA for being responsible. She said no, too bad. It’s the right thing to do and she’s not doing her part here. I’d be wary of having a baby with her.”
– Square-Minimum-6042
“NTA.”
“On behalf of all pet owners, she is a bad dog owner. There is no reason to breed them. She’s purely being selfish and childish.”
“You never should’ve allowed this. Your dog is suffering because she took on the responsibility and as expected, it got dumped on you. As a whole she is behaving like a petulant, spoiled child.”
“Oh, yeah, and she killed their dog through unnecessary breeding. Everyone but you here sucks. Period.”
– EchoMountain158
“NTA. Breeding dogs is so much work. So much more work than just ‘let them go at it’ even for the owner of the male dog. It should be work. For many responsible breeders it’s close to a full time job because keeping dogs and especially puppies healthy and properly socialized is a lot of work. If you want to become a breeder, you have to be prepared for all of the consequences and do everything you can to be ethical about it.”
“Breeding a dog who may be lovely otherwise but has dog aggression (true aggression rather than just standoffishness or low tolerance which is common in guard dogs) wouldn’t be ethical.”
“You made the correct decision. It almost sounds like your wife saw potential dollar signs that can be made by breeding dogs like Akitas which are beautiful dogs, rather than wanting a dog herself. That’s a shame.”
“I’m glad you’re doing all you can to rectify the situation and it seems like his behavior has adjusted to a tolerable level. Your wife needs to grow up and learn responsibility for animals.”
– Lilfire15
“NTA. She’s just seeing $ signs from the breeding, doesn’t appear to actually have any interest in the dog beyond that. Someone has to step up, be the adult and make sensible decisions, which you did.”
– Another_Random_Chap
Overall, Redditors supported the OP’s decision for him to have the dog fixed based on its aggressive behavior.
They also thought the wife’s demands and unwillingness to accept why her husband made the unilateral decision was very immature of her.