Parent Calls Out Daughter's 'Disrespectful' Teacher For Talking Down To Them Due To Work Uniform

We all know the Golden Rule is that you should treat other people that you would like to be treated, meaning to generally treat them with kindness and understanding.

An extension of this is the old adage, "Don't judge a book by its cover," meaning that you should know more than you think you know just from what you see in front of you. This is especially true when it comes to a person's intelligence, interests, and value as a person, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor Fluid_Reputation_173 was attending a parent-teacher conference for their daughter, and they had to show up right after work, not giving them a chance to change out of their work uniform.

While discussing their daughter's progress in math, the teacher made a derogatory comment, inquiring if they knew fractions, and the Original Poster (OP) was immediately offended by the teacher's judgment.

They asked the sub:

"AITA for calling out my kid's teacher for talking down to me?"

The OP's daughter's teacher assumed what they knew about math.

"I was at my daughter's teacher conference. I was still wearing my work clothes (I am an electrician, and my uniform was somewhat dirty)."

"She started talking to me in a baby voice, using very simple words and speaking slowly, 'Your daughter needs help with her MATH homework. Do you know what fractions ARE?'"

The OP was offended by the accusation. 

"I have accrued 60 college credits, and I read all the time, but I guess since I fit the blue-collar mold, I must be stupid. I kept my cool, though, and asked her if she always assumed the level of intelligence of parents based on what clothes we wear."

"She started getting defensive like she was 'only trying to be helpful' and 'didn't mean anything by it.'"

"I told her that in the future, I would rather she talk to me like a normal person."

The OP's wife took the teacher's side.

"Now my wife thinks I made the teacher look bad for no reason, and I should have let it go because she 'meant well.'"

"I feel like that was pretty disrespectful, though.

"Am I the a**hole?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

Some reassured the OP that he was totally justified in feeling offended.

"Nice one. NTA. Your wife is wrong; the teacher made herself look bad."

"For bonus points, if this ever happens again, you could talk back in a baby voice, very slowly, and say, 'Yes, I know what fractions are and I think math is a very important subject. I need it at work aaaaalll the time.'" - GSD_enthusiast

"NTA. She shouldn't have talked down to you. You were polite enough in the circumstances."

"I guess, 'Of course I do. Now what specifically is she having trouble with?' might have allowed her to save face here, but that's not your responsibility." - squipgs

"NTA. Yes, the teacher has assumed things about you. And yes, it's possible to work with parents at varying educational levels, but she should have verified first, not assumed."

"But you just corrected her, nothing major. You are not reporting her, you haven't yelled at her. And honestly, talking to any adult in a baby voice is just disrespectful." - Trevena_Ice

"I think you handled it in one of the best ways it could have been handled."

"I probably would have been tempted to go for one of not-so-good options, like replying in the same kind of baby voice: 'Um, fractions... that thingy with the numbers and the lines and there's one on the top and, and um...? It's too hard!' Yes, I'm 12."

"NTA. As far as I'm concerned, blatant condescension coupled with stereotyping, even if it's 'well-meaning,' is not something one should just ignore. You just showed her how she's on the wrong track here, politely but firmly." - Alternative-Many3523

"NTA Sometimes you have to match energy. This was one of those times. You were right to call her out." - EdenCapwell

"I'm a retired teacher. Teachers should speak to all parents with respect and kindness, regardless of their profession or lack thereof."

"Besides, tradespeople are highly skilled and use advanced math and physics daily. I have two master's degrees, but my plumber friend is far smarter than I'll ever hope to be." - BlitheCheese

"First of all, a teacher should be someone who is an example to others. Someone who acts with respect and without prejudice. She is the wrong person for this position." - Polish_girl44

"NTA. She most assuredly did not mean well. She acted in an extremely classist way (even though, as an electrician, you likely out-earn most teachers), and you took her down a peg accordingly."

"When people act with prejudice, they're not really trying to help, they're trying to 'put you in your place.'"

"Your response was firm but classy: no insults, no swearing, just pointing out exactly what she was doing and why it was wrong. She earned that embarrassment she felt." - KaliTheBaze

Fellow Redditors shared their similar experiences of being judged.

"I had a similar thing happen to me from a salesperson."

"I came straight from work as a stagehand. I'd recently bought an apartment with my then-wife, and we were looking to fill it with furniture. Our budget was around 10,000 USD."

"I approached this guy, and he would not give me the time of day. I asked him the price of a sofa, and he told me there's a price sticker on it."

"My wife then spoke to him, wearing office attire, and he couldn't be more friendly. She asked the price of the same sofa, and he talked her through all the details."

"He asked if he should place an order, and before she could answer, I stepped in and said, 'H**l no!'"

"He then realised we were together and quickly tried to turn on the charm with me."

"I wasn't about to let this judgmental prick get a commission from us."

"I explained my reasoning to my wife, but she wanted to just get it done. Only time I have staunchly gone against her wishes."

"We ended up going to another branch and getting much better service."

"You're NTA. Bigots need to be called out." - Organic_Tradition_94

"When I was with my ex-fiancé (twenty years ago), he had a friend who was a multi-multi-millionaire (the man owned his own d**n island, for god's sake) who was the kindest, humble, smart (duh), and generous person I'd ever met."

"When we would hang out at our local spots, you'd never know it. He wore regular clothes, never talked down to anyone, always tipped generously, and yet people would talk down to him regularly. It was absolutely infuriating."

"His response was always just to ignore it. He knew his value, not in money, but in being a good person. From what little I know, he still contributes generously to charities all across the country as an anonymous donor. Don't ever judge a book by its cover." - Adventurous-Bee4823

"I was with a volunteer fire company that was very close to an internationally known university and the homes of a ton of Old Money."

"Those folks would still join and respond to fires and such, and it was so funny when people, often new money, barely millionaires, would talk down to these extremely community-minded and often zillionaire and/or multi-degreed geniuses just because they were wearing turnouts and were covered in soot."

"I bet they wondered why they later got blackballed from the country clubs." - shelwood46

"When I was 17, I worked at a computer store. A guy walks in in sweats, looking less than professional. No one else would help him, so I went up and asked if I could help."

"He ended up buying over $80,000 worth of computer equipment. NEVER, EVER, judge a book by the cover." - KaijuNo-8

"My sister worked for a university, and she needed to buy minivans for her program. She was in her 30s but looked much younger."

"The first sales guy at the dealership dismissed her and told her, 'When you're actually ready to buy, let me know,' and walked away. She found a second salesperson who was nicer to her, and she said, 'I like the Sienna. I'll take three.'"

"She said it was her 'Pretty Woman' moment." - Grapevine_1224

But a few sided with the OP's wife and wanted to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt.

"I am a teacher. Yes, she should have been kinder, but her question was not out of line."

"I have students whose parents can barely read. If parents have been out of school for a long time, they can forget what things are. If they have immigrated from another country, then they may not understand."

"Plus, you have to remember that we are with kids and we can go days with having little contact with other adults. It's not easy to switch teacher mode on and off. It's also the end of the school year, and most of us are hanging by a thread."

"So, yes. She could have been better with how she approached you, but you could also extend a little grace." - Ok_Double9430

"It's hard to go between being a teacher and being an adult with other adults. It makes me wonder, especially given the baby voice. Sounds like she works with small children."

"Was she talking down to OP because of his clothes, or did she just forget to switch into adult mode and accidentally address him the way she would one of her students?"

"Although if that's the case, I'd expect her to be mortified and explain what happened and apologize. But some people get defensive over their mistakes instead." - TryUsingScience

"Contrary to many, I'm going with NAH."

"Yes, there are plenty of trades that require various levels of mathematics, physics, chemistry, etc. (I, too, work in the applied sciences). However, you got defensive pretty quickly and made an assumption about why you perceived you were being treated some kind of way."

"I'm curious what grade your child is in? Since teachers have a very verbally performative job, sounding condescending, like baby talk, could be a way of communicating that works well for them with children and may be hard to turn off. If the conversation went down exactly as you say, then there was simply one sentence that you were sensitive to and interpreted as condescension."

"Unless your understandably dirty work uniform has an obvious emblem clearly stating your exact profession, how is she to know what you do and don't remember from school. She is trying to be thorough. Assuming you did know something without clarification in her position could lead to a kid lacking support and falling further behind, which would invite criticism and anger from parents. She is protecting herself and your child."

"I don't think either party was overly rude or out of line here. Your wife is right, though, and you should cut teachers a break and try not to be so sensitive about your profession. Perhaps keep a clean change of clothes in your vehicle if you keep thinking it is the basis for uninvited judgment and false assumptions." - Aromatic-South-1609

Most of the subRedditors understood why the OP was offended and agreed that what the teacher had done was condescending, but there were a few who thought that she may have made a mistake in switching between speaking to young students and speaking to an adult.

Either way, there's a chance both people could have done a little better here, from the teacher not making an assumption, or at least communicating one, and a parent being a little more patient when the whole interaction might have been a mistake.